“Unless You’ve Crawled Inside Someone’s Skin And Felt The Words That Claw Away At Their Throat

Loving you changed my life.

It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same.

Chloë Frayne

I know he’s not good for me but I can’t decide if walking away will hurt more than staying one more night.

-A.d.c

“I’m afraid to love you. I’m afraid that you’ll leave and that I’ll go back to being alone again. Only it will be a hundred times worse because I’ll know what I’m missing. …I want to be able to love you more than I fear losing you, and I don’t know how. Teach me… Please teach me. Don’t let me destroy this.”

— Mia Sheridan

to say i miss you doesn't even begin to capture the despair your absence has brought me.

— mae s. (journal entry to the one i still love)

“How are you?”

“I’m starving and dying on the inside and I can barely look you in the eye because my anxiety is making me feel like you’re secretly judging me, also I’m probably gonna go home after this and cry myself to sleep because I hate myself so much, but yea I’m fine”

I found you, and then I lost you.

The truth is that you are not with me anymore. I do believe that you are my soul mate. You were sent to do a job and accomplished it in the end to bring self confidence and happiness in my life. Thanks to you I now know what both of those emotions feel like together. You are so special to me, and I know that I will love you forever. But lately I haven’t been able to sleep because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore because I know that what we had was real. And one day in the future, when both of us are spiritually ready, my eyes will meet yours again. I refuse to believe that the one person who was every hope i’ve ever had in human form, is gone for good.

- I talk to God about you

A letter I’ll never send…

I love you. You are my best friend and I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. And each day I continue to fall more in love with you, the more I realize how you’re slowly pulling away. But it’s because you don’t love me the way I love you. Because I am not her. You don’t love me the way you loved her. You gave her the random “I love you” texts and the endless phone calls because you missed her voice. You posted her on Instagram and surprised her with flowers when you knew she was having a bad day. You weren’t hesitant to show your love and hold her when she needed it. I want that. You tell me you just never want to fall that hard for someone again because it was unhealthy, but I know it’s because I’m not her. I want the endless phone calls and random “I love you” texts. I want to be surprised with flowers and be held when I’m having a bad day. I want more than anything to be her. Because you are my him. You are the one I will never forget, you are the one that everyone else will be compared to. In my eyes, you are my everything. But in your eyes, I’m just temporary.

it’s over, isn’t it?

i always knew how it would end

from the beginning i feared this moment

yet, i didn’t think it’d come so soon. 

now my eyes are black, full of hate

but that hate is for me, not you.

i still love you

i may always love you

there is no world

where what i put you through

is ok

i would never lie to you 

ever but the truth is painful sometimes

even when the last thing we want

is to hurt the people we love the most.

m-11-27-20