Let Me Tempt You To A Spot Of Lunch? Temptation Accomplished.

if someone makes you happy, make them happier

a helpful tutorial

I was taking with my friend about good omens and we were wondering how the hell aziraphale-as-crowley managed to get into that bath without getting his socks wet and so I drew this ‘helpful’ guide.

I like to imagine that all the demons had to just awkwardly stand around watching him clamber around getting into this bathtub… @neil-gaiman can you confirm?

“So, I’ve got a question,” Adam said slowly, in the way Aziraphale had come to quite nearly dread. It meant the boy had been thinking, which was a very good thing, of course; but it also meant the question was likely to be of the uncomfortably acute sort that adults of all kinds, human, angel, or demon as they might be, disliked having to answer. The sort that made one feel rather like, well, Adam, the first one, right after the bite of apple but before he’d found himself a convenient leaf.

Quite precisely, Aziraphale set his book aside and slipped his spectacles from his nose, folding in their temples and tucking them with care into the pocket of his jacket. In the cottage’s kitchen, he could hear Crowley bustling about, putting together the tea things; oh, they could always miracle up an afternoon tea, yes, but Aziraphale did think it was so much nicer to have the real thing. And wasn’t it lovely that Crowley agreed?

He smiled at the boy, who was, after all, not quite exactly human. (Oh, they’d handled the thing with his father, of course, but had anyone taken the mother’s heritage – or even her identity? – into account?) “Yes, Adam?” he prompted.

“Right. Only, you’re an angel, right?” said Adam, his mop of muddy-gold curls flopping over his ears in a way which made Aziraphale’s fingers itch for scissors.

“If that’s your question, young man…” Aziraphale said, trailing off in that slightly forbidding way common to schoolteachers of a certain ilk the world over.

“No. I mean, yes. Sort of?” Adam said. “Only, there’s these magazines, the ones Anathema reads? She lets me read them too, when she’s done with them, and there’s this one that’s all about angels….”

“Ah,” Aziraphale sighed. “You mustn’t believe everything you read just because it’s been written down, Adam,” he said, well aware of the irony. “People do write the most astonishing tosh at times.”

“The magazine said there were sorts of angel,” Adam continued, a bit stubbornly. “What sort are you?”

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Yudhishtira and Duryodhana for the Swap headcannon.

“Yudhishtira is relieved that the path of dharma runs so straight and broad. A king’s son becomes king, and his own father has only ever been Regent, holding the throne for the next heir. The eldest son in the family becomes King, and Suyodhana is a full year older.

Yudhishtira wishes the path of dharma were not so crooked and full of traps for an unseasoned walker. A king’s son becomes king, and his own father was king, and his uncle though the elder only ever Regent. The eldest son in the family becomes King, and Suyodhana is a full year older.

Suyodhana says, “Mother, look what a bride our Arjuna has won with his valour,” and hands Draupadi forth as Pritha comes wondering out from her cottage. All too soon there will be Panchal to sit in counsel with, but it is good to see his mother pull his new sister into an embrace.

Suyodhana says, “I will gamble no further, I cannot wage my family,” overlapping withYudhishtira saying, “This is only a friendly game, I would not take your lands.”

“You are my brother,” he tells Karna. “We are bound together, that remains as true as ever it was. I pray you, forget my delusions about the nature of our tie, and remember only its affection. Let me crown you again, but King of Hastinapura now, and Emperor in Indraprastha.”

holaa! here's a fun ask (hopefully lol): list of favorite moments from SC?

 Gosh, just off the top of my head, in no particular order:

“Amma, kaali billi rasta kaat gayi hai; sadka dedo!!!!!”

Arsal ke Australian totay, lmao

DJ: “Shaayad unhe Australia ka visa mil gaya, wapis chale gaye honge!”

Every time Masooma talks about marhoom Abbaji (“Abbaji zinda hote toh……”) and the people listening are like “for godssake, let him R.I.P.”

Arsal and the autowaala yelling at each other and the first instance of Arsal’s battlecry “nikaah hua hai humaara!”

“YEH (ROTI KE) BEECH MEIN ROSHANDAAN BANAYA HUA HAI TUMNE?” 

Everytime Jalal Phupa clashes with Arsal or DJ and calls them “khabees ka bachcha”

All the animal names Jiya keeps calling Arsal (“madmast haathi”, “pahaadi bakra”, “daddu”, lmao)

 “Phupa aap kahan jaa rahe hai???”  “Jahannum!”  “Theek hai, dhyaan se jaayiega.”

Shahana stopping her dil khol ke rona-dhona just to point out Jiya riding the bike to Arsal, lmao.

Jiya’s ecstatic reaction when Kinza tells her Shahana has left home.

BiJaan’s perpetual refrain of “har ek ne yahaan apne dedh-eent ki masjid banayi hui hai.”

I don’t remember the exact dialogue, but Arsal re: his dad and Billo: “Idhar logon ki pehli nahi ho rahi, yeh hai ki dusri shaadi karne chale hai!”

ANY ARSAL AND DJ SCENE. THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE TO HAVE DIALOGUE, JUST THEIR COLLECTIVE PRESENCE IN THE SAME SPACE!!!!!! But some favs:

Anytime DJ comes with “breaking news” and Arsal is like ‘ugh aa gaya, manhoos khabar leke’

Whenever Arsal calls DJ “gonglu”

“Bataa teri behen ko kya hua hai?”“Woh toh aapko pata hona chahiye, aapki Mrs. hain!”“I’m serious!”“Woh bhi toh serious hain!”“Kiske baare mein?”“Aapke baare main! Aur kaun hai yahaan?”

And they dismiss each other with like “chal hatttt!” waale yet happy smiley faces, lol.

Arsal dragging a squealing DJ into his room:

“Kal test hai mera!”“Toh tuney kaunsa markan maar lena hai???? Pehle bhi anda laata tha, kal bhi le aayin!” 

Arsal doing DJ ki pitaai for not giving him the video:

“Arsal kya kar rahe ho, bachcha hai woh, usse lag jaati!” “Achcha hai, do chaar din log sukoon se rahenge!”

Arsal’s insufferably smugass “choran nu pe gaye mor” after watching/deleting the video.

“Itni bahaadur behen hai teri, AUR GEEDAD JAISA BHAI!”

“Waise pyaara toh tu bhi lagne shuru ho gaya hai mujhe!”...“Yeh jab tujhpe pyaar aane lagta hai, aur tu beech mein PAISE GHUSED DETA HAI, DIL CHAHTA HAI TUJHE DOON EK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Naazuk kandhein???? Yeh????? Yeh NAAZUK KANDHEIN kisi ko lag jaaye toh DIN MEIN TAAREIN DIKHAAYI DE! Baatein sunlo iski!”

“Ab hatt na, deewaar-e-cheen banke baitha hai humaare beech mein!”

Jalal’s standard dialogues of “Ramzan-ul-mubarak ka paak mahina” and his “woi woi woi woi woi woi”s and “shakal gum karo!!!!!!!!!”s

Every time Arsal gets complacent and happy at Jiya and him having a friendly bonding moment, only to have her cut it short and dismiss him with a “chalo hatto/niklo!”

Every time Arsal does the hand over heart gesture.

Arsal trying to control his laughter (very poorly) in the hospital room, at Jamshed’s overacting.

DJ comforting Jiya when she’s upset.

“Main Jiya ka first cousin hoon ji… Ji……. Aur husband bhi, Masha’Allah se. ”  *sweetest, most unassuming smile*

NAZAAKAT VIBRATING WITH RAGE AT ARSAL. LITERALLY VIBRATING.

“JAMSHED BHAI ISKO KAHEIN EK SECOND KE ANDAR ANDAR MERI BETI KO TALAQ DEIN!!!!!!!!”*Arsal observing his watch for exactly one second and marking when it’s done* “HO GAYA EK SECOND! NAHI DETA TALAQ! KYA KARLENGE?!?!!?!?!?”

All the angsty times Arsal and Jiya run into each other and they give each other the moon eyes.

Arsal’s silent but WTF face when Kinza tries to jamaofy haq on him the night after the arrest.

(After fully drenching him) “Chal mera puttar, araam se so jaa.” “Le! Araam se so ja! Pura gila kar diya mujhe!”“Haan toh tuney kaunsa SHLINK ho jaana hai? Tujhe SHLINK hone ka darr hai?????” “SHA-LINK nahi hota, SHA-RINK hota hai!” (Off-screen as she exits) “Bada angrezi ka rob paanda rehda hai mere pe!”

Literally any time Arsal and Shahana have a faceoff, her threatening him (“tere gotte gitte sek dene hai!!!!!“) and his semi-fearful, but sulky and rebellious response.

“Main kabhi tumhe dhoka nahi de sakta, Jiya….. Tumhe chodne ka sochta hoon toh meri saansein rukne lagti hai.”

Sherry’s bewildered faces at this whole family’s pagalpan.

Billo comforting Jiya and telling her that she’ll take care of everything. AND SHE DOES.

Also her parallel scene with Arsal, where’s it’s not so angsty, but she reassures him she’ll handle it.

The face journey Arsal goes through on watching the Huma/Jiya video; from cocky smugness, to suddenly serious, to a tiny shy smile, after which he looks heavenwards to offer thanks.

The finger lock moment.

“Meri room mein le aao na Huma ko; dono baari baari apne dil ka haal sunaenge isko!”

Literally any time Arsal speaks punjabi!

“O Amma, ae te apne masle solve nahi ho rahe, tu apne paale vich!”

Top fave: (on hanging up with Huma after she refused to give him the 411) “Naa dass. ZEHER LAGDI HAI MAINU TIDDI JI!!!!!!!!!”

The scene where Arsal watches Jiya pray, and maarofies taana, but is instantly undone by her tears and implores her to tell him just once to not marry Kinza and he won’t.

Jiya doing Arsal ki pitaai with his own damn kameez.

Despite all the smug cockiness he was showing before about having seen the video, at the actual moment of truth, Arsal just plainly forwards it to her and lets her know he knows and walks away silently. No pretenses or games.

The omelet scene.

Arsal, on the suhaag raat: “NIKLO MERE ROOM SE! BACHPAN SE YEH MERA ROOM HAI!!!!!!!!!!!”

Also him being perplexed at her joda and why it’s so big and all over the place, and sitting down elsewhere and staring at it in confusion.

“Chalo chodo, mujhe sabse Eid milne jaana hai.”*pulls her closer* “Pehle mujhse toh mil lo.”

Nazaakat at the police station: “Inspector saab, aap ko pata hai main kaun hoon?!?!!?!?!? (…..) Main beemar hoon!” 

Jiya and Arsal meeting chori-chhipe on his balcony and getting into a shoving match that starts out cute and loving but turns violent.

Chutki Shah Baba to Masooma, when she says he should break Arsal/Jiya and “taanka jodein is ladke aur meri beti ka”: “Dekho bibi, welding ka kaam nahi hai humara.”

And like a milllllllllllllion more. Most of these are from the later episodes, coz they’re fresh in my mind, but I’ll add to the post as I rewatch!

“Monochrome Across the Centuries: A Lookbook by Anthony Janthony Crowley”

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Reblog, don’t repost!

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In case you missed this heart warming exchange

Me to my 21 year old coworker: My darling. My darling please. Wipe up the spilled bleach powder BEFORE you spray a chemical on it.

21 year old coworker: Why?

Me: Because my sweet summer child. When you mix bleach with other chemicals you can accidently create chlorine gas, chloroform, and also give yourself chemical pneumonia!

21 year old coworker: Oh......

why arent they married yet