Bro Why Did You Catch Me So Tenderly

Ok hear me out: Narilamb but they're both aroace and in a qpr.

I've been rolling around in my head for like a long long time this idea that Narinder and Lambert could both be aroace and (after like. A couple of centuries or so) end up in this like very comfortable very close relationship that neither of them define as anything specific other than calling it a "companionship". But on the other hand most of the cult thinks that they're dating in secret or something despite the fact that both of them have said they don't take lovers, because they are clearly very tight but maybe not super openly so, so maybe the cultists thing they're being secretive and hiding something or something like that. Idk but my aroace brain loves thinking about extremely close (mostly) platonic relationships and for some reason my brain decided hmm. I'm going to take this and throw it at Narilamb and see how I like it.

So then I decided to make a ridiculous joke comic about Narinder asking Lambert's hand in marriage specifically because he wants to get out of paying taxes. Because like, I know that spouse followers do actually still have to pay taxes in the actual game but. Hey Narinder and Lambert have presumably never married so they probably don't know that...? Honestly the only reason I made this was because the concept tickled me and I spent too much time on this for no one to see it, so. This comic and all it's absolute ridiculousness be upon ye.

While there's a tiny part of me that's been thinking about making this into an AU (which I'd probably call something like the "Strictly Platonic AU" or something), I know for a fact that I would blatantly not do anything legitimate with it so. It's an unofficial AU I guess?? But. Anyways. I thought this would be funny. Enjoy my ramblings and I hope you enjoy this thing that I spent. Actual time on. Lol

lambie scale, by me

just two best friends living their cottagecore life with their dog (ignore the fact they are in prison)

may i offer you something ? water ? food ? my heart ?? a whole life together ???

do you think technoblade counts as a mary sue?

yeah

wilbur, bringing in someone he trusts because they’re stronger than he is and he’s shit at pvp:

tommy, a 16 year old appreciating that in a war he has a reliable older figure to put his trust in:

c!techno: wow you guys only saw me as a weapon also trying to blow people up and never acting on it? fucked up man (scoots the times he actively shot at people, set withers on them, rains tnt on their homes and sicks dogs on them, not to mention the fact he was literally in on wilbur’s original plan to blow everyone up, he literally said he’d set off withers)

wilbur: yeah it was pretty horrible of me for planning it then regretting my actions and going back on them :( i definitely used you and it’s not at all reasonable to ask someone for help for someone stronger in the situation i was in :( it’s not like you didn’t give a shit about me as a person either and completely ignored my shit mental health and was completely on board with my actions until they reflected badly on you afterwards where you denounced me and said i was “evil” despite being just as willing to go along with the tnt plan but also doing far more damage than i did :( but no i said you were the traitor bc we’d planned for you to set off withers when i set off the tnt and lo and behold, there you were setting off withers like we’d planned so im 100 times worse than you :( 

FUNNY: baby tails canonically calling sonic his mom

HEARTBREAKING: his reasoning -- "a mother is someone who cares about you, therefore sonic is my mother" -- implies that either he didn't have a mother, or she was neglectful/abusive enough that tails concluded she doesn't meet the requirements of what a "mother" is supposed to be. in that case its implied that NO one has cared for him before sonic

FUNNY AGAIN: despite tails calling sonic "mother" to his FACE, sonic didn't refute it whatsoever. boymom the hedgehog

HEARTBREAKING AGAIN: implying that sonic doesn't seem to know what a mother is either

It still baffles me to this day how Missa and Philza’s relationship is seen from the other islander’s perspective.

Like, Cellbit and Forever straight up think Philza is madly in love with Missa. Tubbo’s first thought was that they were lovers. And when he saw them reunited, he instantly asked if they were going to kiss.

Roier knows something is going on at least with Missa because he has heard him say he wouldn’t be oppose to a wedding if Philza wants it. The same goes for Bad, who has made several backhanded comments about them being in a relationship. Fit, Philza’s oldest friend, doesn’t doubt for a minute Phil and Missa are a couple and doesn’t want to get involved in whatever is happening in their basement/aquarium.

Hell, even Felps, the man who almost never logs on, knows Missa and Philza are something. He didn’t even have to stay more than 3 minutes in their presence to be like “shit, sorry for interrupting. Ignore me.” and run from them at the first opportunity he had.

Phil and Missa may never say or confess anything to each other, but there’s no need to. The whole fucking island knows it already.

i don’t want a ROMANTIC PARTNER. i want a DEAR FRIEND i can use as a HUMAN WEIGHTED BLANKET

people think that philza is the normal one in the relationship when hes been making up headcanons about his husband and been obsessing about missa being huge this entire week no hes not