In Another Universe I’m Not Afraid To Be Seen.

(This is a thought/vent poem! Aka, inspired by my own experiences)

Home.

"What is a place that you call home?"

I was asked some months ago.

To answer that inquiry I must determine

what counts as a home and what merely as a dwelling place?

Is a home somewhere you stay?

somewhere to live while you slowly decay?

Or is a home filled with laughter and joy?

With the newfound happiness of a fancy new toy?

If the answer is the latter, then what else can I say,

then "I don't think I call anywhere a home, either way."

For I don't hear laughter in either place.

I don't hear happiness no matter where I stay.

for whether I stay in the place my family owns

or the house they placed me in far down the road,

the only place that feels like home

is those fleeting moments I feel safe within a voice's tone.

But those belong to either place,

in fact, they don't really belong to any at all.

they belong to the people that live outside those houses' walls.

They belong to people who would answer if I called.

And so when someone asks me what place I call home,

I must simply tell them "There is no place I call home.

"my heart does not lie in one place or another,

"Rather it travels along with me wherever I discover,

"the closest friends someone could have."

And though this thought tears my soul

I must just understand that this is how it goes.

For a girl who finds no home within a place,

must reach for another's embrace.

i don't think i'm ready for when nostalgia is all that's left of my childhood

“We all have one foot in a fairytale, and the other in the abyss.”

— Paulo Coelho

when you

don't put flowers on my tombstone if you've never cared for me when i was alive.

"I love you just the way you are" doesn't have the same value when you're trying to change

went to the depersonalization conference and i wasnt even there

eye-opening tumblr post for me included the words "people are meant to be burdens" as in humans rely on and support one another and it's not a bother it's our purpose; to love and be loved in return. so if you ever think you're being annoying just remember we were made to love and it's going to be okay

YOUR FEELINGS MAKE SENSE!!! CONSIDERING EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE UP UNTIL THIS POINT, THE WAY YOU FEEL IS THE REASONABLE RESULT OF IT ALL. It dosen’t absolve you of examining your behavioral patterns or regulating your reactions, but GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE. YOU’RE REACTING EXACTLY HOW SOMEONE IN YOUR EXACT PRECISE SITUATION, WITH YOUR EXACT SAME PAST WOULD REACT. like, why wouldn’t you feel that way?

is this what growing up is? just leaving things behind, over and over?