Gonna Send An Illuminated Manuscript Calling Them A Lil Bitch

overheard in a fancy italian restaurant:

> eating lobster and jerking off are two different things

bottoming so women will lay on top of me like a weighted blanket

waking up at 7 am for my hour and a half commute to spiritual enlightenment :(((

she derive on equation until i steady state solution

sun tzu in fortnite?

PORN BOT SWEEP 🍆🍆💦😍👉👌😤😤😤😤

Happy Holidays! This year as a Christmas gift we'll be unblocking everyone you've blocked. Have fun with that folks and we'll see you on the other side

Top three scariest halllween costumes:

3. Landlord

2. Sexy Landlord

1. Unsexy Landlord

bouta get intubated for Tube Tuesday

*david attenborough voice* little is known about the nesting habits of wizards although they do seem to prefer the austere solitude of towers

prometheus, waking up for his shift at the liver-getting-torn-out factory: i think i’ll go out for some drinks later