If You Weren't Ready You Wouldn't Have The Opportunity.

“Don’t lie, because the same people who believe your lies are also the ones who believe in you.”

— Unknown

27.05.24

[Exams 3/4]

The last exam was terrible, the exam writer was lazy (repeating questions, using questions on the mock, asking lots of questions about a tiny part of the syllabus, etc,) it really knocked by confidence and uspet me. I think I should have done better, and don't see the exam as a true reflection of what I can achieve. In all honesty, after the exam I went back to my dorm and cried- out of both upset and frustration. I hope that despite the poor creation of the test, I have done enough to get the grades I need. I have one test left, and I'm definitely burnt out. Everything got on top of me all at once, I miss my family and my sister has recently had a baby, but I haven't met him due to being in exams. Not being around family during such a momentous occasion has made me feel bad about moving away, and about my plans to move even further for the next academic year.

Not being able to see my nephew is a huge sacrifice to me, so to go through that only to sit in an unfair exam was the straw that broke the camel's back. After my last exam, I will be going out clubbing (not something I'm particuarly excited for right now, but I know it will help my social life), then all I want to do is go home to meet the newest member of my family.

(no pictures)

Last Day in England

09.09.24

I woke up in the arms of my partner- after one of the best night sleeps I've had in a long time. It was a good weekend, a final goodbye to my boyfriend before I leave for my studies. I will come back at Christmas, but right now, that feels like lightyears away. I'll try not to count down every second that we're apart.

After breakfast, I dropped him off at the bus station to make his way home- I couldn't even bear to hug him. I was afraid that if I was able to hold him for one last time, I wouldn't have the willpower to let go.

I spent the rest of the day packing and sorting documents for my flights tomorrow. It will be a long day of travel (two 7+ hr flights) and I'm hoping that everything goes as smoothly as possible.

I had a 'final' meal with my dad- a gammon dinner (English classic); and overall, I'm feeling hopeful about my new year. I'm trying to focus on what the year away will add to my life, and not so much what it will take away. My heart will ache for my boyfriend, my dad, and my dog- but I am opening so many opportunities for myself that wouldn't exist otherwise.

Success takes sacrifice, and I'm grateful to have so much to miss.

I'll finish the rest of my packing, and attempt to have an early night's sleep.

~June xx

(📷: Pinterest)

16.09.24

It's my birthday! I went to IOI mall, for ice skating. I can go in a wobbly line without holing the rail if I go slow enough, which I can consider a win! I also ate at a Texas Chicken store, it was delicious, not exactly traditional Malaysian food though. There was a celebrity appearance from a Korean drama actor, named Lee Minho, and even though I didn't know who he was, the atmosphere of everyone screaming for him was crazy! We then had a wonder around the stores, and bought some bingsu (Korean shaved frozen milk)- I really liked it, it was my first time trying it.

I'm feeling much better today, I'm glad to get out with people, staying to myself all of the time made me feel lonely, so I need to make an active effort to connecting with people.

~ Juune xx

16.05.24

(Pics of some blurry bunnies I saw)

Its the weekend! Its a Sunday but work as normal for me- my lab report and first exam is on Monday and I need to make alot of progress on both before I'm ready. There's nothing worse than submitting a piece of unfinished work- or going into an exam feeling unprepared, so I'm trying to avoid both- its definitely a juggling act.

Getting stressed doesn't help anyone, so I'm trying to avoid that at all costs- easier said than done.

I definitely didn't get much done today- my excuse is that I won't be getting much rest over exam season, that's why I was so restful today. I still have so much to do, and it needs to be done soon.

21.05.24

[Exams 1/4 done]

I had an exam yesterday- I think it went okay, after though I got some food, went to lidl, then slept all day. So it wasn't the most productive. I clearly needed the sleep, so I'm trying to not be too harsh on myself, but I'm still tired now.

Today I just need to study all day. I went to get breakfast and accidently ran into the cleaner, she was panicking about an inspection she has, so I helped her with a bit of the cleaning.

Revising stats is stressful- I feel like I know NOTHING. I got 48 on my last test- my lowest on any university exam so far. I know that panicking won't help me but I still don't feel good. I have today and tomorrow to learn everything (as well as revising for my other exams)- I'm not confident.

I spent the rest of the day napping and then watching Crash Course Statistics. I am nervous for these tests- I am praying for the 50% I need to get onto my study abroad course.

(I didn't take any pictures today)

20.09.24

Today was really good. My friend from the UK arrived in Malaysia yesterday, so we met to go to the gym together. We mainly just had a look at the equipment, and got an idea of how the gym booking system worked. We then ate together and tried Nasi lemak- I found it too spicy so I manly ate the rice that didn't have the sauce on.

Then, we had a lecture for International students, it was a lot of visa explanations, and we found out that if we overstay our visas, we could get whipped, which was sort of terrifying. Then, we got a bus to the local mall. I finally got a Malaysian SIM card, it took forever to do, but at least it's done now. I also got chicken and fried rice. It was really delicious. I'm really glad my friend made me try it.

Love always,

~June xx

13.06.24

Long time no see! I had to give the uni laptop back and don't currently have one (that works) and I usually don't use tumblr on my phone so this is strange.

My exams are done now, I've tried to decompress from them. I spent some time with my boyfriend which always makes me feel good (he's literally the best).

Today I packed up my first-year dorm and took it home. Maybe it would be more emotional if it weren't so chaotic. Getting everything in the car was... a struggle. I now have to somehow find space in my room for it all. I can also use the shed for storage which is helpful.

(No pics 📸)

23.05.24

[Exams 2/4]

My stats test is today, I'm nervous. I haven't left my dorm in days. I have either been revising or sleeping, I'm not feeling great mentally or physically. Talking to my boyfirend helps, but we're mid/long distance and I really am missing him, this is the longest we've been apart since we got together. I should get used to being away from him. If I get onto this study abroad scheme, I won't see him for alost a whole year (I'll go back once for Christmas). Not seeing him is definitley not helping my mood. Luckily, he's super supportive, ang is sending my lots of encouraging messages. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. If he thinks I can do it, I must be able to, I haven't seen him be wrong yet.

My sister is giving birth today, its definitely a distraction. I am going to struggle in the test if I don't hear back from her before I go in. Re-taking these tests means I won't qualify for my study abroad. I know I've done the best I can with revision and studying, and its going to be a big blow to me if my 100% best still isn't enough. Exam anxiety doesn't help either- if I get 100% on a mock, I can expect at least a 10% reduction on the actual exam, which means when I'm hardly passing mocks, I am not confident for the real thing. I have done everything I can, I need to trust that my best is enough.

The baby is born- its healthy and cute. My exam is in an hour, I don't know what to think about it.

Exam is done! I don't think it went too bad but I can't be sure- we'll see.

(No pics I've hardly left my dorm)

12.08.24

I've had such a long few days (in a good way though). I need to stay busy or the stress of moving to the other side of the world catches up to me. Not much to say really.

-June xx