I Don't Want To Be In This Year. I Want To Go Back. He's Not In This Year I Want To Go Back Please

"And let me dream of you tonight for I miss you more than usual today"

— Edward Lee

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

3 years ago today they sat me down and told me you weren’t going to be okay.

Not because of cancer or a heart attack.

Something stupid.

An accident.

I didn’t even know that the last time I spoke to you would be the last.

Somehow it wasn’t a fight.

Somehow, you complemented me for the first time in a long time.

It felt like a new start.

A tenuous truce.

And then you were gone.

Forever.

I miss the little whistle you'd do to get someone's attention. The little two note high low whistle. You used it the last time I spoke to you and it was a good conversation. I still use it to get the cat's attention because it's what he responded to best.

He misses you like hell.

So do I.

Was told you talked to my sister a lot about how worried you were about me.

Somehow that didn't translate really well between you making fun of me and spending every holiday with her.

I wish I could give you a piece of my fucking mind right now.

Maybe I'll drive out to your grave and do that right now.

I should have raked the pine needles with you. I should have gone to dinner with you.

I should have been there when it happened

I should have been there.

It really was that bad.

We really did hurt each other.

We said awful things to each other.

Why did we have to hurt each other?

Was my pride that important?

Was the house always being messy that bad?

Could we have compromised somewhere?

Yeah. We could have.

But we can’t anymore.

Because you’re gone.

And I’m all that’s left.

You can’t apologize to a grave.

I just sold my copy of Warioware Twisted so I deleted my save data. This is what the game tells you afterward

I know he's gone.

I love with the ramifications of that every day.

But I often catch myself referring to him like he's still here.

It's not out of delusion.

It's just hard to turn almost three decades of "is" to "was"

And each one twists the knife.

‘Love is the one thing that we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space.’

“Eulogy from a Physicist” by Aaron Freeman, with quotes from Interstellar by Christopher Nolan, and images from NASA, Interstellar, Getty, Petrichara, and Reuters.

1- NASA: GOODS-South.

2- NASA: NGC 1850.

3- NASA: Iberian Peninsula.

4- Christopher Nolan: Interstellar.

5- NASA: From the Earth to the Moon.

6- Hannah La Folette Ryan: Subway Hands.

7- Adams Evans: Heart Nebula.

8- NASA: Exploring the Antennae.

9- NASA: Crescent Moon from the International Space Station.

10- Petrichara.

11- Getty Images.

12- NASA: SMACS 0723.

13- Reuters