♡　　⁺　as Long As I'm Here, No One Can Hurt You ˖　 (´-﹏-`) 🍊

xxix. blackout

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE ─ blackout.

❛ life is emotionally abusive and time can't stop me quite like you did ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

My eyes scanned my surroundings. White walls, busy chattering, phones ringing everywhere and a sense of urgency and busyness in the air. A police station. I looked down at myself. I was back in my formal attire- trousers, white shirt, blazer, that kind of stuff. Although I may have looked normal on the outside, I felt weird. I had never felt this way since my first day of work, and I could scarcely describe the feeling. Everything seemed new, and foreign, even though it was the same work I had done for most of my adult life. Maybe it was nostalgia because of the strange ache and longing in my heart.

Being a lawyer wasn't something I enjoyed. In fact, the last thing I enjoyed... I don't even want to think about it. I would feel a rush of adrenaline after winning a case, then the sense of emptiness would soon return to engulf me. It was an endless cycle that I was stuck in. 

There are certain cases that I receive that require me to go to the police station. This was one of them. I fiddled my thumbs anxiously- as if it was my first day on the job. I felt like an idiot; Which usually means something out of the ordinary was about to happen, so I braced myself accordingly. I had previously met the police when they came to my law firm, but today I had to meet a detective because it was a case of murder.

All of a sudden, an extremely familiar fragrance hit my nose. It came so unexpectedly that I nearly convinced myself that I was imagining it; but the reality was so evident. Slightly woody notes, like sun-warmed cedarwood and a sudden freshness, as if I was standing on a beach at dawn. The air around me was left fresh and alive and the scent was intoxicating and my mind wandered back to the first time I smelled it. It was almost as if I was back in high school, standing in the perfume shop, carefully picking out the perfect present.

I stood up, and taking a second to steady myself, I turned around rapidly to find myself face to face with a face even more familiar than the fragrance. I was met with those same beady cat eyes, but they seemed to have lost their spark. Kim Taesung. A voice in my head whispered his name, trying to grasp the reality in front of me. His disheveled hair had become tamer, and his bright and colorful apparel was replaced with hues of grey and black with a splash of olive green. He looked dull and dejected, and the glint of mischief had disappeared from his eyes. I had recognized him instantly, because his face had been imprinted in my mind. The rapid beating of my heart sounded in my ears, just like it had fifteen years ago. Yet, he looked like a completely different person. It was like someone had switched off the lights inside him.

"Choi Yumi?" he said it like a question mark, his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Do you two know each other?" the police officer behind him asked, confused. For a moment, his words his words faded away and I stood entranced before Kim Taesung, staring blankly. I felt the same I had the first time I saw him. But now, there was a rift between us that was too evident. He seemed so far away even though he was right in front of me. Something that was once new, fresh and full of hope had withered like flowers during the winter. 

"It's been a while," I said, snapping out of my trance, my lips curling upwards ever so slightly. My hand reached up subconsciously to rub the back of my neck.

He simply nodded, shifting his gaze at the ground and his effort to keep it professional was evident, and I would have laughed if I could, but I kept my lips zipped shut when the sound disappeared on the tip of my tongue.

The police officer who I had previously met (who's name I had already forgotten) looked at me curiously, probably hoping I could answer his earlier question.

"We went to the same high school," I told him curtly, plastering a fake smile and turning to look at Taesung, but never meeting his gaze. My eyes glazed over the badge on his jacket. Violent Crimes Division. It felt surreal that he had become a detective- just like his dad. 

Then, suddenly, our eyes met, and time seemed to freeze that exact moment. They're so dull. I thought to myself. I couldn't get over how depressed his eyes looked, like the spark had disappeared. They looked like they were crying out for help. It pained me to look at him that way, and a small part of me pointed an accusing finger at me. Was it my fault? Another voice in my head said that it was unfair. And that he didn't deserve to feel sad. I watched as his eyes shifted to the scar on my face, then shifted back to my eyes, as if he couldn't bear to look at my eyes. The look of pity on his face made me want to cry and scream.

I tore my eyes away, looking at the other police officer. I stole a quick glance at his badge, then said with my best professional smile, "Shall we begin?"

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: not yumi forgetting the other police officer's name 😭✋

delphi's notes: and this kids is why adulthood fucking suuuucks.(this pair of adults are not the best example though)

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xii. melting

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWELVE ─ melting.

❛ i can't find my chill, i must have lost it i don't even know, i'm talking nonsense. ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

I let out my very best, oscar-worthy fake cough. Why? Well, I had just seen Kim Taesung smoking outside the school during lunch break. He turned to look at me with furrowed brows. He must have thought I was a teacher because his stiffened shoulders relaxed when he saw it was me.

"Oh, it's you," he said, relieved.

"Don't be so happy," I warned.

"Why? Are you going to turn me in?" he asked curiously.

"I'm thinking about it."

He let out a short chuckle. I couldn't help but stare at him. His fluffy hair fell messily on his forehead. His eyes seemed to permanently have a mischievous glint that reminded me of the Cheshire cat. Taesung's dressing style had been constant every time I had seen him─ a bright, vibrant biker jacket over his unironed school shirt with no tie and black bead earrings.

I tore my eyes away, diverting my attention to the ice cream packet in my hand that felt cool against my skin. My grip on it had begun to loosen as the ice started melting, leaving my hands moist. 

"Are you going to share that with me?" he teased with a cheeky grin, revealing his two dimples on each cheek.

"Not with that thing in your hand, I'm not," I pointed to the cigarette.

He tossed it on the ground and extinguished it with his foot, "Now?"

"Why would I share my ice cream with someone who litters?" I said thoughtfully. I was having too much fun. His desperation to eat the ice cream was kind of cute. He picked up the cigarette from the ground and tossed it in a nearby dustbin, dusting his hands.

"How about now?"

I let out an amused laugh, shaking my head. I broke the ice cream sandwich in half and offered him a piece.

"You gave me the smaller piece," he complained.

"Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. Do you want the ice cream or not?"

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

Bus rides home with Eunyoung had become the highlight of my days. Even on a dull Tuesday afternoon, I found myself smiling at the thought of seeing her. The rhythmic beating of my heart every time I saw her was something I had never experienced before. It made me feel vulnerable but sent a rush of joy through me at the same time.

I felt a poke on my shoulder, breaking my train of thought as I turned to see who it was. My gaze met Eunyoung's in a moment of surprise. I could feel my heart threatening to jump out of my body as my eyes were fixed on her, not wanting to look away. Her eyes became little crescent moons as she chuckled at the shock on my face.

"Hope I didn't scare you," she smiled, standing by my side, clutching her school bag, "I turned in the article today."

"About the interview?" I asked, to which she answered with a brief nod.

"The teacher seemed quite pleased," she told me, beaming with pride, "I think it turned out nice too. They're putting it in next week's paper."

"I'm looking forward to reading it," I encouraged her with a smile. Eunyoung always looked pretty no matter what she did, but something about her when she smiled set butterflies flying in my stomach.

"I found a different angle on it. People tend to praise the interviewee in these articles, but I always thought it seemed artificial. I managed to write it so it could serve a deeper purpose."

"You seem to be really passionate about writing," I observed.

"I want to pursue journalism when I grow up," she replied.

"I'm sure you'll do great."

The bus came to a halt in front of them and the doors hissed open. A few people got off, after which Eunyoung and I stepped into the air-conditioned bus. The weight of the long day seemed to lighten as we sat down beside each other.

💿

The bus hadn't moved in what felt like ages. The muffled sound of cars honking outside fell upon my ears, as I let out a sigh. There didn't seem to be a proper reason for the traffic; It was just one of those days. Eunyoung and I hadn't said anything to each other in a while. I turned to look at her, only to find that she had dozed off with her head tilting forward slightly.

I felt my eyes widen in awe of her beauty. Her hair framed her face as her features softened by her drowsiness. It felt as if she was conducting a puppet show with my heartstrings. Her head began to tilt towards the window. Without a moment of thought, I gently placed her head on my shoulder, afraid that she would get hurt. The action was so instinctive that even I was surprised. The contact sent a jolt through me as warmth crept up my cheeks. She shifted a little bit, finding a comfortable position and then became motionless again.

I couldn't stop my lips from stretching into a smile of admiration. I could look at her forever and be just as mesmerized. My attention shifted to the palm of her hand that rested on her lap. Her hand seemed so tiny despite her height. It looked so dainty that I had to fight the urge to intertwine my fingers with hers. I recalled her grip on my hand the day we ran through the rain, my heart swelling up at the thought. I held my hand next to hers, comparing them. My heart fluttered just looking at it.

Choi Eunyoung, what have you done to me? I'm acting like a lunatic and it's your fault.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nayoung's notes: okay, i know sunjae did the hand comparing thing in the show, but it was so iconic that i had to use it. i HAD to. anyway hope u liked it!

delphi's notes: yumi coughing after she sees taesung smoking is such a mood, like i would totally do that.

lv. in the shadows

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE ─ in the shadows.

❛ oh this place is the same as it ever was but you don't like it ❜

Narrator's Perspective

The members of Eclipse sat around a small coffee table on mismatched couches and chairs in Inhyuk's humble abode. The walls stained with water leakages and chipping paint were filled with posters and random picture frames. A white electric fan was plugged in in one corner of the room filled the place with a constant whirring sound that cut through their silence. All of them knew what there was to discuss. They were just waiting for someone to bring it up.

Their equipment- drums, guitars, a piano and mics, crowded the tiny room that seemed too small with the four of them there. When they had the Jagam School Music Club to practice, things were different. But now that they used their own practice space, their dream of being a famous band seemed unrealistic and childish. Everyone was this close to calling it quits, yet none of them had the heart to voice their concerns. So Sunjae, Inhyuk, Taesung and Jay sat in silence, staring at the instruments longingly.

"I don't think I'll be able to stay till the university festival," Inhyuk spoke at last, "I'm not able to pay rent here, and my parents are calling me back to my village. I'm also going to have to drop out of college. I'm really sorry guys."

"I've also been thinking of calling it quits," Taesung said, placing a hand on his guitar, "It all seems a little pointless now."

His joy for playing the guitar had diminished after everything that went down with Yumi. While teaching Yumi, he had hit a high point in his life. It felt amazing to pass on his skill to someone he cared so much about. After the accident, the guitar seemed almost heavy in his arms, like a burden he had to carry along with the guilt of hurting Yumi. The scar on his face was a constant reminder of his mistake.

"If you all are leaving..." Jay couldn't get himself to finish his sentence.

Sunjae stood up in disbelief, "So, that's it?" he asked, frowning, "You're all just going to sulk and give up because a few things didn't go your way? Is that all this meant to you? Come on, we're better than this!"

"You don't get it, Sunjae," Inhyuk said wearily, "It's not going to work. In fact it's not been working for a while now. We just need to accept it now"

💿

"What was so important that we had to meet like this?" Taesung asked, staring down at the cracked pavement beneath his sneakers. His voice carried a mix of irritation and curiosity. "It feels like I'm doing a drug deal."

The sun hung mercilessly in the afternoon sky, its rays sharp and unrelenting. The heat wrapped around him like an unwelcome second skin, and sweat clung to his brow before trickling down the side of his face. The neighborhood was eerily quiet—no kids playing, no distant hum of lawnmowers—just the oppressive weight of midsummer silence. Most people had wisely chosen to stay indoors, leaving the two of them alone on the deserted street.

"Oh, and you'd know how a drug deal works?" Eunyoung quipped, folding her arms across her chest. Her voice had the usual teasing edge, but it was undercut by an unusual tension. She had something important to say—something that had been eating at her—but now that she was here, face-to-face with Taesung, she found herself second-guessing her decision. Could she really trust him with this?

"What did you want to ask me?" Taesung pressed, letting her taunt roll off him like water off a duck's back. He was used to her jabs by now; they were as routine as the rising sun. He sighed, his gaze flickering up to meet hers. "You didn't drag me out here just to be annoying, right?"

"Well..." Eunyoung hesitated, her eyes darting away. Her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her shirt as she tried to gather her thoughts. "Your dad is a cop, right?"

"Yeah," Taesung replied, his brow furrowing slightly. His voice carried a note of suspicion now. "Why?"

"How do I know?" Eunyoung echoed his unspoken question, as though anticipating it. "Yumi told me," she said simply, as if that explained everything.

"Of course she did," he muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

"When are you going to man up and tell her how you feel?" Eunyoung asked abruptly, her tone sharp and cutting through the heavy air. She leaned closer, her expression equal parts exasperation and challenge. It was a question she'd been holding back for too long, but her patience had finally worn thin. Ever since the accident, Taesung's feelings for Yumi had been impossible to ignore. They hovered around him like a shadow, obvious to everyone but him. "How long am I supposed to act like I don't see what's going on?"

Taesung froze, caught off guard. His ears turned a vivid shade of red, and he stammered, "Is that what you wanted to ask me?"

"This discussion isn't over," Eunyoung warned, narrowing her eyes. "But no, that's not why I asked you here." She straightened, her playful tone replaced by something heavier.

"You mentioned my dad," Taesung reminded her, seizing the opportunity to steer the conversation away from the uncomfortable subject of Yumi. "What about him?"

"Right," Eunyoung said, exhaling a shaky breath. She rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding his gaze. "I... know someone who's been involved in some crimes, and I need someone trustworthy to help catch them."

"There's no one better than my dad for that," Taesung said, his tone even. It was clear he wasn't saying it out of admiration, just cold fact. "What kind of crimes?"

"Oh, you know..." Eunyoung mumbled, glancing at the ground as though it might provide her an escape. "Money laundering, gambling... that sort of thing."

"What?!" Taesung's eyes widened in shock. His voice pitched up, the incredulity plain on his face. "What's any of that got to do with you?"

Eunyoung hesitated again, her fingers twisting together. The truth hovered on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it down. "I'm not sure I should say," she murmured, doubt flickering across her face.

"It's fine," Taesung said gently. His voice softened, as though sensing her unease. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

Eunyoung took a deep breath, bracing herself. "It's my dad," she confessed quietly, the words heavy in the summer air. "My dad's the criminal."

Taesung froze, his expression shifting from surprise to something deeper—shock mixed with disbelief. His mouth opened as if to respond, but no words came out. What was there to say to a revelation like that?

"He came to see me the other day," Eunyoung continued, her voice steady despite the knot tightening in her chest. She couldn't tell him the truth—that she knew about her father because she was from the future. Instead, she stuck to the story she'd prepared. "He told me everything. He wanted me to convince my mom to lend him some money, but I refused and walked away."

For a long moment, Taesung said nothing. Then he nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. "I can get you in touch with my father," he said quietly. "He'll know what to do."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: someone send help-

delphi's notes: shit's bout to go down

xxxviii. undeniable

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT ─ undeniable.

❛ it's no surprise i turned you in cause us traitors never win ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Jagam High School, that was usually full of serious teenagers focusing on their studies as much as possible, was now filled with an excited buzz that spread throughout the campus. The energy radiating from each individual was contagious as even their parents were present, with proud smiles plastered on their faces. Time had passed by unbelievably quickly, and it was already time for Yumi and Eunyoung to graduate.

The morning had been just as chaotic as they remembered it. The two girls scrambling around the house looking for jewelry that they had handled carelessly and their mother lectured them about putting things away in a timely fashion. When they were nearly late, they stumbled out onto the road, hurrying to school for the very last time.

"Everyone's so excited," exclaimed their mom with a wide grin, "And so am I! I'm so proud of my girls!"

Both of them smiled warmly at her as they hugged each other tightly. All disagreements or bitterness between them was long forgotten as they honed their focus towards enjoying this moment. Then, to interrupt their wholesome moment, an announcement for all students to take their seats at the front sounded through the air, bringing all the playful chatter to a stop. The three pulled away and bid their goodbyes as they made their way to the front.

"I'm so nervous for the speech," Yumi confessed, her hand holding the written speech trembling.

"It's nothing to be scared about," Eunyoung assured her.

"Easy for you to say," Yumi retorted, scoffing, "You've done this more often than me."

"Look the trick is that even if you fumble, improvise and go with the flow. They're even letting us read off the paper. You'll do fine, trust me."

"And what about the people ogling? Do I picture them in their underwear like people say?"

"No one says that," Eunyoung let out a laugh, "Even if they do, it's terrible advice."

"Got it."

"Just enjoy the moment, Yumi, come on," Eunyoung said as they took their seats, "Not everyone gets to relive their high school graduation twice."

"Yeah well, I'd like to get it over with soon," Yumi dismissed her overly optimistic remark.

The Eclipse members- now including Sunjae, who joined their band as a vocalist, sat next to them and exchanged greetings. The tension between Yumi and Taesung was still very evident as he took the seat farthest from her. Eunyoung and Sunjae's eyes lingered on each other for exceptionally long before they pulled away. Inhyuk smirked, knowing all the feelings they never spoke about. 

"How obvious is the scar on my face?" Yumi whispered, "I tried to cover it up but it was too dark."

"Don't worry," Eunyoung whispered.

Soon, they were all called onto the podium to receive their diplomas and deliver a speech. Eunyoung's name was called, and she got up from her seat and made her way towards the headmaster handing over the diploma.

Sunjae's eyes scanned her movements, flowing with beauty and elegance as his lips stretched into a smile he couldn't bite back. She wore a long red dress underneath her robe, appearing as a pop of color among the astonishing number of people wearing blue such as himself. The breeze in her hair, each smile and glint in her eyes made him fall in love every time he looked at her.

"Headmaster, my teachers, faculty members and friends," she began speaking, "Who knew we'd finally make it to this podium? A lot of us have spent the year hearing taunts about how if we don't study we'd never be here. But look how things turned out. Here we are, all of us, standing tall in our graduation gowns. Jagam High has taught me a lot of things. Among learning algebra and the history of the Joseon Dynasty, it also taught me never to give up. One can never go wrong with hard work and perseverance. Your determination and willpower takes you to places in life you only dreamed about. They radiate as a silent confidence through you. As I step into a new phase of my life- college, I'm surely going to keep in mind all the values I learned from my high school that I'm going to cherish forever. Thank you for everything, Jagam High!"

The crowd erupted in cheers and applause as Eunyoung smiled and bowed before stepping down from the podium. They called Yumi's name and Eunyoung occupied Yumi's seat next to Sunjae. Sunjae smiled and whispered, "You were great." Eunyoung, blushing, replied with a quick 'thanks' before shifting her attention to Yumi.

Yumi took a deep breath before advancing towards the mic with the diploma clutched in one hand and her speech in the other. Taesung couldn't help but stare at her. Despite everything she had said to him, his heart seemed to beat only for her.

"Hello, all. Headmaster, my teachers and classmates," she started, her eyes darting from here to there, "Senior year. The words practically crashed on your head when you first heard them. We've all been through a lot this year- tests, quizzes, projects, assignments, you name it. One thing I feel we can all take away is that when faced with hurdles, it's best to sit down and attempt to resolve the problem instead of running away."

Just as she said that, her gaze landed on Taesung. The very sight of him took away her breath in an instant as she fell suddenly silent. His eyebrows shot up in confusion, but his eyes stayed locked with hers, as if to communicate feeling they themselves were oblivious to. The sea of people around them melted away as they continued staring without a care in the world. The crowd waited in anticipation, thinking it was a strategic pause. Eunyoung looked at her urgently, trying to figure out why she suddenly stopped speaking. It only took her a few seconds to spot Yumi's distraction. Promptly, she began clapping as Yumi and Taesung tore away. Soon, the rest of the crowd clapped, half snickering and half confused as a Yumi fled from the stage with a flushed face.

Taesung looked at Eunyoung, feigning confusion. But at the back of his mind, he knew exactly what that moment meant.

"Look, I didn't mean to interrupt your little movie moment, but as Yumi's sister I had to save her from complete humiliation," she said to him plainly.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: yumi and taesung need to figure shit OUT

delphi's notes: eunyoung saved the day again 🏅

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxi. clarity in the darkness

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE ─ clarity in the darkness.

❛ and i know i make the same mistakes every time. ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

See, I've always prided myself on the fact that I had the ability to make rational decisions. That's why, when I stood in the dark hallways of Jagam High School after hours with the Eclipse members and Sunjae, I felt like the biggest idiot to ever walk this Earth. What had gotten into me? Why in god's name would I ever agree to something like this? I felt like slapping myself for getting swayed by Inhyuk's persuasion. However, there was another storm brewing in my mind that haunted my thoughts. I was doing this for Taesung. For his birthday. I refused to let myself think of it.

"Hyunsoo," hissed Inhyuk.

"What?" he responded in a similar fashion.

"Stop breathing so loudly," he made an effort to keep his volume as low as possible, "You're going to wake the dead."

"Shut your trap."

"Um, Guys?" Sunjae intervened, "We've been standing at the door for a while. Don't you think we should start looking?"

"He's right, we should get it over with and vamoose before anyone catches us," I chimed in.

"Where do you think all the student records are kept?" asked Inhyuk. Despite all our efforts to speak as quietly as possible, our voices echoed in the empty hallways.

"Let's check the staff room?" I suggested.

We moved like a gang of thieves, sticking close to each other as fear gripped our bones. A cold gush of wind sent a shiver through my body as we inched closer to the staff room. I never realised I was such a coward until now. Paranoia had consumed me entirely. I dreaded the consequences of this reckless adventure. Someone speaks an octave too high, someone drops a heavy object, one small mistake and they all would be dead meat.

We were faced with the extensive staff room, and rows of tables and chairs, sending confusion through us all.  "Do you know where his homeroom teacher sits?"

"Here," said Hyunsoo, Eclipse's drummer. He followed him to a desk by the door. Inhyuk took the initiative to reach out and shuffle through the files lying on the table. The shuffling and rustling of papers sounded painfully loud in the silence of the deserted school. "Quieter!" hissed Sunjae.

Inhyuk retrieved the thin sheet with the personal details of students pinned on the soft board. Just then, as if a manifestation of my worry, slow, steady footsteps echoed in the hallway outside the room. Panic surged through my body as I felt my breathing become unsteady.

Inhyuk got a hold of the sheet holding Taesung's information. Hearing the footsteps getting closer, I motioned everyone to duck under the table with my shaking hands. As we all crouched under the table, my body shook with terror. A bright flashlight flashed on the ground next to us. Everyone held their breath as a voice spoke, "I could have sword there was something..."

The light faded out of sight as all of us heaved a sigh of relief. "I got a picture!" whispered Inhyuk, his voice laced with triumph.

"Great, now let's get out of here!"

💿

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

Going back to school after my surgery was an experience in itself. I received sympathy from peers and teachers that I had never received in my years in high school. It seemed as if the world was showering me in pity, rubbing salt in my fresh wound that had gotten no time to heal. I felt dejected, and it showed. I slouched in class, stared blankly into space and zoned out when someone was speaking to me. In this confusing haze of people's sympathy towards me, I found solace in the blue cap I wore─ Eunyoung's thoughtful gift. It rested atop my head like a reminder of her warmth and the gentleness of her voice.

Eunyoung was different. She treated me like she always had. Through all the changes I observed in everyone's attitude towards me, Eunyoung stood like a guiding light, staying constant through my adversity. I found comfort in her unchanging demeanor. 

As she took her usual seat next to me as per usual, the familiarity of the scenario sent tingles through my body. I smiled secretly to myself on seeing her face. How could she take away my breath? Just by being herself? I must be crazy. 

I noticed her yawn next to me, covering her mouth with her hand. Her blinking became slower as there was a visible struggle for her to keep her eyes open.

"Long day?" I asked.

"The substitute teacher for geography did a fantastic job," she let out another yawn, "At putting the class to sleep."

I chuckled. She looked up at me, smiling with sleepy eyes. 

💿

I felt Eunyoung's head fall gently on my shoulder. I slowly turned to look at her head resting peacefully on my shoulder. Thankfully, it wasn't the shoulder that got operated on. I would hate to push her away. A few strands of her hair framed her angelic face. Her soft breath fanned my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. The gentle rise and fall of her chest was rhythmic and calming, a stark contrast to the chaos of the day. A wave of protectiveness washed over me as I realized how vulnerable she looked in this moment.

I couldn't help but trace the outline of her face with my eyes. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyelashes cast delicate shadows on her cheeks.

This has happened before. I remembered the moment we had previously shared with shocking clarity. It replayed in my mind like my favourite scene from my favourite movie. The point of contact that made my heart flutter back then, did the same today. The tingling feeling surged through my body, just like that day. She looked as perfect as ever─ maybe more. Every moment I spent with her, I found myself wishing it would last forever.

I stole another glance at her. A warmth spread through me, a comforting familiarity that I hadn't felt in a long time. This was a moment of peace, a sanctuary from the world outside. And in that moment, I knew that I would do anything to protect this fragile, beautiful girl beside me.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: eunyoung if falling asleep on the bus was a job 💸💸

delphi's notes: ryu sunjae, the biggest loser to exist ;)

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

𝐢𝐢. 𝗇𝖺𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗀'𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗀𝗎𝗂𝖽𝖾

books to start the new year right!

Atomic Habits- James Clear

Ikigai- Francesc Miralles and Hector Garcia

The Compound Effect- Darren Hardy

The Magic of Thinking Big- David J. Schwartz

Big Magic- Elizabeth Gilbert

The Dip- Seth Godin

Eat That Frog!- Brian Tracy

Surrounded by Idiots- Thomas Erikson

Rich Dad Poor Dad- Robert Kyosaki

The Secret Life of Money- Daniel Davies and Tess Read

goodbye, 2023!

xxvi. all roads lead to rome

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX ─ between notes and secrets.

❛ there's many different ways you can kill someone you love the slowest way is not loving them enough ❜

Narrator's Perspective

The doors closed with a thud after one final passenger got on and the bus drove away into the darkness of the early summer morning. The sky was littered with little grey clouds, casting a shadow over the city. 

"It's going to rain today," Yumi observed.

"Yeah," Eunyoung gazed out the window with beady eyes, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Why do you react like that every time someone mentions rain? You're such a weirdo," Yumi scoffed.

"It rained the first time I met Sunjae," she said, still smiling.

"So what?" Yumi spat, "Big deal."

"It is to me."

"Shut up. Where is he anyways?"

"He usually sleeps in these days since he isn't on the swim team anymore," Eunyoung stated, "He takes the later bus."

"Oh god, where's the off button?" Yumi pretended to gag, "You're making me sick, stop it. I need a subject change, gosh. Why were you and Mom so solemn at dinner yesterday? I thought someone died."

Eunyoung's eyes darkened, bearing an eerie likeliness to the overcast sky.  Her smile fell and she looked away from Yumi because the answer to her question was probably written all over her face.

"Oh no, did someone actually-"

"No!"

"Thank god," Yumi sighed in relief, "You scared me for a second."

"It was nothing," Eunyoung said in answer to her previous question, "I was just tired, I don't know about Mom."

"If you say so."

"How 'bout you? Where are you mysteriously disappearing these days?"

Yumi swallowed. It was her turn to look away to hide her face that had "guilty conscious" written all over it, "Extra practice at the club," she answered curtly, "Didn't I tell you?"

"You did."

"Yeah, so that's it. Nothing mysterious. Just boring old piano practice."

"If you say so."

💿

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

How did I end up here? I wondered, staring out of the bus window. It was nearly half past four, and I should have been home, studying—or at least doing something productive. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't cracked open a textbook in nearly fifteen years, but I just couldn't muster the motivation to do so. Instead, I found myself deciding to visit Yumi.

The bus screeched to a halt, and I snapped my head around to see the doors swing open. I sprang from my seat and stepped off the bus, right in front of the Jagam High music club. Confusion furrowed my brow as I took a few hesitant steps toward the building, then stopped in my tracks. I rubbed my eyes, hoping I was mistaken, but the scene before me was unmistakable.

There, in plain view, was Yumi climbing onto Kim Taesung's motorcycle. The shock must have paralyzed me, because all I could do was stand there, agape, as they sped away, leaving a cloud of smoke in their wake. It took a moment for reality to sink in, but once it did, I snapped into action. 

I began to run.

💿

I must have really been out of my senses to run after a flipping motorcycle, because, by the time I reached what appeared to be Kim Taesung's front door, I stood at a turning where I was sure they couldn't see me, gasping for breath. Honestly, it was a miracle I didn't lose them. God knows how I was able to keep up; It must have been my determination to find out because there's no way I could have done it otherwise.

I leaned against a nearby wall, heaving and breathless. It took me a while to calm myself down, and in the meanwhile, I could hear his front door close and their muffled conversation. To be fair, there was no reason for me to be hiding like this as if I were committing some kind of crime. Yumi's the one who's been lying. To me. And to mom. Yet, she's going about deceiving me in broad daylight, with no shame whatsoever and I'm hiding behind a wall, trying not to get caught.

The tapping of my shoes against the pavement sounded in the empty street. I let out a long sigh. Behind my anger and frustration, I felt hurt. Hurt that Yumi felt the need to lie. No matter what happened, we had always shared everything with each other. Now, there was this secret between us.

"I would never hide anything from her," I muttered under my breath.

What could she possibly be doing with him that she couldn't even confide in me? My pace quickened as I moved towards Kim Taesung's house, anxiety rising in my chest. I practically zoomed past the outer safety door that was left ajar and stumbled onto the veranda and moved towards the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited impatiently, letting out another sigh.

After a few seconds, I racked my knuckles on the wooden door, the sense of urgency evident in my actions. I heard the doorknob rattle as Yumi opened the door. Her frown slowly morphed into a look of absolute shock and guilt. Her eyes instantly widened and she tried to stutter an excuse but it was no use, "Eun...uh.. I, the thing-"

"Save it," I snapped.

She turned to grab her bag from a nearby chair. I scoffed, mostly to myself as I turned to leave. I heard her call out, "I gotta go!" I heard some words of confusion mumbled by Taesung, but my mind was clouded by rage and betrayal. I couldn't comprehend what he said.

Yumi grabbed my wrist, stopping me as I turned around, frowning at her face.

"Eunyoung, please don't do-"

"Don't do what, exactly?!" I yelled, my voice laced with anger, "Yumi, I don't even know what to say to you right now. What is wrong with you?"

"Why are you mad?" she countered irritably.

"Why am I mad?" I repeated, letting out a strangled chuckle at the irony of her question, "I'll tell you why! You're running off to this guy's house I don't know how often a week, and lie to your family. This guy is the spitting image of a delinquent and he has trouble written all over his face. I hope that answers your question."

"I really don't get it, Eunyoung," she screamed, sighing after a few moments, "I don't get why you're interfering like this. It's my life, and let me screw it up! Why're you getting worked up over nothing?"

"Because I'm trying to protect you!"

"Look, everything I do is my choice. So, if I get hurt, it's on me! Just stay out of it, for God's sake, Eunyoung!" she screamed, "You're not even my real sister, so why does it matter?"

Her words pierced through my heart and all my anger melted away in a moment. The frown fell from my face and I felt a lump in my throat.  I took a step back watching Yumi realise the gravity of her words. They seemed to prick and burn my skin. My lip trembled as I stuttered out, "Fine."

I broke into a run onto the pavement as I faintly heard Yumi's voice call out to me in the distance, but I didn't look back. My vision blurred as tears streamed down my face.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: ouch, yumi, that stings.

delphi's notes: oh eunyoung, only if you understood.

list of chapters here! click here for next chapter.

inconvenience regretted 😞

xxxiv. the rose that grew thorns

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR ─ the rose that grew thorns.

❛ my heart only wants you the moment you say no ❜

Narrator's Perspective

To Yumi, it seemed like all she did was stand and wait since she time travelled for the second time. But what other choice did she have? If she was completely honest with herself, she envied Sunjae and Eunyoung's instant connection. Things just seemed to fall into place for them. Not that they were completely carefree, though.

So, once again, she stood among the sea of students dispersing from school. The sun shone it's piercing rays over the campus, and the cheery chatter that filled the air along with the insane humidity was already giving Yumi a migraine. Her eyes searched the crowd for a messy-haired, cat-faced boy in a blinding biker jacket. 

The moment she spotted him, her eyes lit up, and her lethargic posture on the bench suddenly became erect as she practically sprinted across the street. "Taesung!"

He turned sharply to look at her, his expression as grim as ever.

"Look, I'm sorry for-"

"What the hell's the matter with you?!" he snapped at her, his face twisting with rage, "I don't know what sick prank you're playing with me. What exactly are you sorry for? That your mother comes and yells at me at seven in the morning?"

"Taesung, what?" Yumi tried to ask, her mind in utter confusion.

"She comes up to me before school, threatens me not to come near you or she would file a restraining order. And you come up to me not once, but twice, to apologize?" He said the last part like a question, as if it was just that shocking, "You're the one who asked me to piss off, so here I am, minding my own business and then you appear out of nowhere saying shit that barely makes sense. Look all I wanted to say is that it would be really great if you and your family stopped attacking me in the streets, thanks."

Heads were turning, and Yumi felt a lump in her throat and tears forming in her eyes. She lowered her head, and began walking away as her tears threatened to spill at any second.

Somewhere in the crowd, Eunyoung and Sunjae stood silently, watching the scene unfold before them. Eunyoung's heart twisted in pain. The story seemed to click in her mind as she came to a hurtful realization. Their mother must have overheard their conversation from the previous day.

"Sunjae I'm sorry, can we reschedule-" she began, but he cut her off.

"Go, go, I'll be fine, I swear," he urged. She said a quick thank you, running after Yumi.

 💿

Eunyoung unlocked the door to her house as fast as she could, rushing inside. When she stepped into the living room, her heart sank. Yumi was curled up on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Without hesitation, Eunyoung hurried to her side, pulling her into a tight, comforting embrace. Yumi continued to weep into her shoulder, her tears soaking through Eunyoung's shirt.

Eunyoung had only seen her like this once before—when Yumi's mother had passed away. The sight of her closest friend in such deep pain tore at her heart. After what felt like forever, Yumi slowly pulled back, her voice trembling as she said, "It hurts, Eunyoung... it hurts so much. My chest feels like it's been stabbed, like there's a weight crushing it. I've... I've lost him, Eunyoung."

Tears filled Eunyoung's own eyes as she gently took Yumi's shaking hands in hers. "Oh, Yumi," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"I've hurt him so much... He hates me now- hell, I hate myself!" Yumi cried, her words broken by sobs. Her face was drenched in tears, her eyes swollen and red, the tip of her nose glowing. The raw pain in her voice and the way she trembled made Eunyoung's heart ache even more as Yumi's sorrow spilled out through her shaking sobs.

"It's not your fault, Yumi," Eunyoung assured her. Her own voice shook, but even that couldn't hide her genuine belief in those words, "None of it is your fault, Yumi. You have believe that. For me. And for mom. You know how much she cares about you and never wants to see you hurt or grieving. She's trying her best to protect you, Yumi. The accident was a horrible tragedy and it was nobody's fault that it happened."

"I ruined his life," Yumi continued to weep, her throat beginning to ache, "I should have never been here in the first place!"

Eunyoung had never felt as helpless as she had in that moment, watching Yumi cry achingly. She tried as hard as she could to wipe her own tears that blurred her vision. 

"At the hospital," Eunyoung began, trying to gather herself, "He checked with me a million times if you were going to be okay. He made sure you would be alright before shifting rooms. He really cares about you, Yumi, I mean it. He does care. You need to remember that. You need to cling to that hope."

 Eunyoung could practically hear Taesung's earnest voice in her ears.

"Eunyoung, hear me out for a minute. I know you, your mom and everyone hates me and I'm like number one on your hitlist, but I just need to know one thing and I swear I'll get lost. Is Yumi going to be alright? Just tell me that much, cause I NEED to know. You just need to tell me that much and then I'm going to shift rooms. I promise I won't interfere with her life EVER again."

Yumi's sobbing reduced a little bit, and Eunyoung saw it as a small victory as she saw a little light returning to Yumi's swollen eyes.

"I really want to believe that," Yumi whispered.

"You should," Eunyoung affirmed, "Because it's true."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: sunjae being the considerate king that he is <3

delphi's notes: TAESUNG NOOOOOOO

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE ─ expect the unexpected.

❛ and it feels like the start of a movie i've seen before, but you're not here ❜

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

I practically ran down the stairs, my heartbeat drumming on inside my chest as I felt a new kind of giddy excitement to meet Eunyoung. I had always felt incredibly happy at the thought of her, but this was different. With all that had happened yesterday, it felt like all the puzzle pieces fit perfectly and we were together at last. Everything in my life seemed to lead me here, to Eunyoung.

To my disappointment, on descending the last stair, instead of seeing Eunyoung's smiling face greet me, I saw her sister, Yumi waiting impatiently. Before I could speak, she turned around suddenly, making me jump a little. She was glaring at me with a kind of resentment and disgust that made me feel sick. I took a step back, cowering before her.

"You know, I wanted to be happy about you and Eunyoung," she said menacingly, "But now I'm thinking that you're all kinds of trouble."

"What did I do?" I asked, furrowing my brows in confusion.

"Last night, you guys must have had your rom-com moment in the rain," she started, "But now Eunyoung is lying in bed with a 100 degree fever."

"What?!" I yelled way too loudly, my eyes widening and my heartbeat quickening, "Eunyoung is sick?!" It made me mad. Guilt seemed to be gnawing at my heart as I realized it was my fault. Before I could get a response from Yumi, whose rage had been replaced by surprise at my exaggerated reaction, I began running to Eunyoung's front door.

"I wouldn't go in if I were you," Yumi said. I stopped in my tracks. She continued, "Mom's been up all night taking care of her and her opinion of you is not exactly favorable."

Narrator's Perspective

By the time Sunjae and Yumi had reached school, there was a strange awkwardness between them since Eunyoung wasn't there to play the mutual friend. But when Yumi considered the situation in her mind and concluded that it would be a lot worse if Eunyoung had been with them, because then it would have been Yumi third wheeling with a couple who was so obnoxiously sweet she would have vomited. So, she sat there with Sunjae, feeling grateful for the awkward air that had settled between them.

"So, are you in the school play?" Sunjae asked her out of politeness. He had begun to get a little restless because of the silence. He had imagined his bus ride to college a lot differently. He thought it would be romantic with Eunyoung next to him. But instead he was forced to deal with Yumi; He knew by instinct that she was just tolerating him because of Eunyoung, and honestly he felt the same way.

"No, I'm not," she said without looking at him, "I don't even want to get into all this festival nonsense. I'm the last person to do a thing like a school play. And they chose a Shakespeare play? Forget it."

You ask a simple question... Sunjae sighed internally, "I just thought you would audition- you know, since your boyfriend is in the play."

I guess Eunyoung hasn't told him... This made Yumi feel a little at peace; The fact that Eunyoung was guarding her secret well was a comforting thought.

"Do I seem like the kind of person to humiliate myself on stage because my boyfriend i decided to do it?" she asked formidably.

"I guess not," Sunjae said, giving up on making pleasantries, "I gotta go anyways." He practically ran away from her.

💿

The auditorium was filled with playful banter and friendly conversations. The cast of the Shakespearean play As You Like It that had been casted so far were gathered there for the very first practice. The actors crowded the stage, discussing their roles and reading their scripts. The director and writers responsible for translating the play into Korean occupied a table with various sheets of paper stacked and a microphone to maintain some order.

"Excuse me ! Everybody! May I have your attention please?" asked the girl who was given the role of director. The chaos settled down, slowly but surely, "Thank you. Is everybody here? Or is someone missing?"

"Eunyoung isn't here," Sunjae answered promptly. His comment was followed with some girls eyeing him and whispering among themselves.

"Oh my gosh!"

"Do they like each other or what?"

"I swear there's something going on since the field trip!"

Sunjae wondered if he was being too obvious but chose to ignore the gossip.

"What's her character?" asked the director, looking down at her list of participants.

"Rosalind," he answered. He could hear more whispers.

"Rosalind?!" she repeated, taken aback, "Our Rosalind is absent? Why on earth would she miss the first rehearsal?"

"Uh, she's down with fever!" Sunjae told her, "Pretty bad, actually- hundred degrees. Her sister told me." He ignored the giggling that followed his rather enthusiastic answer.

"Oh, dear," said the director a little calmer than before, "Well, tell her to take care, then. And tell her that absenteeism will not be tolerated except for health related reasons. I'll let her off the hook this one time."

Sunjae heaved a sigh of relief. The writer sitting next to the director whispered something in her ear. Her eyes went wide, "She's one of the writers too? That is... unfortunate."

"Could you be any more obvious?" Taesung sneered.

"Shut up," he snapped, "At least she's in the play."

"Ouch," Taesung said defensively, "Damn, Sunjae didn't think you were stingy like that."

"By the way," began the director, addressing Sunjae, "What's your character?"

"Orlando," he answered plainly.

"Good," the director smiled. The students began hooting and screaming with excitement.

"Okay, settle down," said the writer. He took the microphone from the director, "We don't have an actress for the role of Celia. Does anyone have any suggestions? Anybody wishing to audition?"

A lightbulb suddenly lit up in Taesung's head, "I know someone who could play the role."

"Do they have a name?"

"Uh, yes," he answered, the palms of his hands feeling sweaty, "Choi Yumi from the Practical Music Department." Once again, people began ooh-ing and ahh-ing. 

"Bring her to rehearsal tomorrow to audition," said the writer in a matter-of-fact tone. Taesung smiled ever so slightly. Now he would get to spend some time with her...

"Okay, so since we don't have Rosalind or Celia, we can start with act one, scene one..."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: yumi is literally ready to fight sunjae

delphi's notes: don't mess with yumi

xiii. pieces of my shattered heart

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTEEN ─ pieces of my shattered heart.

❛ even in my worst times, you saw the best in me ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Taesung found himself lingering around the music club after the rest of his bandmates had left. He tried his best to explain to himself why he was waiting there. He had nothing to do after going home anyway. May as well hang around there for a while; But at the back of his mind, he knew he was waiting in hopes of seeing her.

As if she was listening to his thoughts, Yumi emerged from her usual practice room. Trying to act nonchalant, he pretended to look around.

"You're still here?" she asked. He turned to look at her, "Yeah, I'm just passing time."

"Oh."

The awkwardness in the air was painfully obvious.

"Why are you standing there like that?" he asked her.

"Like what?"

"Don't you have to go home?"

"Why are you trying to get rid of me?" she questioned suspiciously, "Are you in trouble? Doing something wrong?"

"Why do you assume the worst of me?" he demanded of her.

"Can you blame me?" she shrugged, "You're the spitting image of a delinquent. You look like the kind of guy who would beat up kids in a dark alleyway."

"Thanks for telling me what you really think of me."

"You're welcome," she answered with a sarcastic smile.

He scoffed, getting up and making his way towards the exit. Yumi was left confused at his strange behaviour, but still followed him out, realizing she needed to go home.

She saw Taesung standing sighing on the pavement. In a split second, before she could comprehend what was happening, he turned around rapidly, grabbing her by the waist and looking into her eyes with an unblinking gaze. The thumping of Yumi's heart sounded in her ears. The touch ignited a spark inside her as her eyes widened. She could hardly make sense of what she felt at that moment.

"Is she gone?" he asked.

"Huh?" Yumi squeaked out, conscious of the warmth on her face.

"The girl standing across the streets; Is she gone?"

"There's no one there."

She stumbled backwards as he let go with no word of warning. There was no way to calm the rapid beating of her heart. All she could think of was that she wanted to run away. She wasn't ready to face whatever the hell she was feeling.

"I have to study for a test," she yelped, breaking into a run.

She ran all the way home.

💿

Eunyoung stood waiting at the bus stop. She distinctly remembers going home alone every day in the past, but somehow, today Sunjae's absence affected her greatly. She missed his company, his sweet gestures and the way he made her laugh. The bus doors opened in front of her. There was no queue as per usual, but she couldn't get onto the bus. It felt as if a supernatural force was holding her back. In her hesitation, the automatic bus doors closed and the bus went on without her.

Her feet led her straight to the swimming pool. It was almost an unconscious decision. When it came to Sunjae, she seemed to act without thinking. She felt it was strange as she had always been a rational person, so why was she acting like this now?

On spotting one of the swim team members she interviewed, she went up to him and asked, "Hey, I was wondering if you've seen Sunjae?"

"You're looking for Sunjae?" he repeated, his voice laced with hesitation to answer her question, "It might not be my place to tell you this, but he was rushed to the hospital this morning."

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

My breathing had become heavy, my vision blurred with tears and my entire body trembled in shock as I stumbled up the hospital stairs to see where Sunjae was. I could hardly believe it; I thought I averted his injury. How could this happen? How could I let this happen?

The lady at the reception told me that he had just come for a check-up and consultation and that she couldn't reveal anything more. After that, they practically kicked me out of the place and I was left sitting on the bench outside the hospital, my eyes spilling out buckets of tears.

The familiar pang of self-doubt twisted in my gut. A wave of nausea washed over me – a crushing failure to safeguard him. My mind spun, questioning my very presence in this past. Was I just a fabricated hope, a delusion of control? Was Sunjae's fate an immovable monolith, destined to crush him regardless of my intervention? The questions echoed in the hollowness of my chest, a chilling mirror to the grief that shattered me upon learning of his death. It felt as if my heart, once a fragile hope, had shattered into a million, irreparable pieces, each shard piercing through my skin as an unwelcome revelation dawned upon me.

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

The palm of my father's hand crashed against my cheek, pain erupting on my face. Tears began to form in my eyes as I avoided his gaze. I had no desire to look at the disappointment in his eyes, which I already felt from within. The meagre physical pain couldn't compare to the storm of self-hatred that raged within me. Years of gruelling training, the sting of chlorine in my eyes, the ache in my muscles─ all replayed in my mind as if I needed to be reminded of everything I went through during my time as a swimmer that had now come to an abrupt halt. 

"You dare talk about quitting in front of me! If you ever say such nonsense again, don't you ever think of coming home!"

That was the last straw for Sunjae.  He ran blindly, the sting of tears mixing with the salty remnants of the pool on his face. He didn't care where his feet were taking him, just as long as they were taking him away from the crushing weight of his father's disappointment and the prison of his own unfulfilled dreams. His vision blurred to the point where he could no longer see the road in front of him.

Just then, he felt the touch of a familiar, delicate hand grab hold of his wrist and he came to a stop. As he wiped his tears, the sight of Eunyoung standing before him became increasingly clear. He was stunned, momentarily forgetting his sorrow that came crashing back in an instant. That was when he noticed the tears flowing from Eunyoung's eyes as she embraced him in a despairing hug. He could feel her sobbing against his shoulder, breathing heavily.

"Eunyoung, I─"

"I know," she cried as her grip around his shoulders tightened. 

Sunjae too began to sob uncontrollably, wrapping his arms around Eunyoung's waist. Words were unnecessary. In that embrace, Sunjae found a solace he hadn't known he craved. The weight of his father's disappointment, the crushing burden of his secret – it all seemed a little less unbearable with her arms wrapped around him. He clung to her silently in the middle of that dark narrow lane as the world around them seemed to dissolve.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nayoung's notes: i just want to be hugged by sunjae. that is my new goal in life. this chapter was such a rollercoaster ride. hope you enjoyed!

delphi's notes: yumi's accusations are too funny istg. sunjae and eunyoung must be protected o((>ω< ))o

next chapter: saturday list of chapters here!