I-dont-wanna-be-here-so-why - Silver Nightjar

hc that jason todd has an instagram/youtube/tiktok account called gatsbyreviews (named after jay gatsby) where he posts reviews of various fictional media (mostly books). thing is, he always gives the reviews in the tone of a pissed-off drill sergeant explaining something for the third time to a particularly bone-headed group of rookies. so even when the review is positive, he sounds like he's passionately defending it in court. he does all his videos in a hoodie and sunglasses, so his identity isn't clear (especially since any viewers who could have recognized him somehow would know he's, y'know, dead) but the visible scars on the lower half of his face are an endless source of intrigue to people in the comments. someone once asked how tall he was, and he responded with a video of him silently stacking up books until the pile matched his height, then standing next to the pile for several seconds before playing jenga with it and eventually knocking it over, as jenga usually ends up going. another youtuber uses the books to find jason's height (the guy in question is real, his name is shane fanx and he's known as the asian height guy) and when it's revealed that he's fucking 6'3 all his viewers start losing their minds. they talk more than ever about this massive, scarred man with the biteable thighs and passion for literature. he gains thousands of followers overnight, people are thirsting in his comments, and jason's just like "hey wtf have i gotten myself into"

on the bright side, he stops thinking he's the ugliest member of the family. after all, when hundreds or thousands of random people on the internet are thirsting over you without seeing your full face, it's hard to keep thinking you're hideous.

Ride The Cyclone college Au designs for Mischa and Noel

I may need this later, for cosplay reasons...

thinking about jason as a kid biting people when hes annoyed. and how he regularly bit dickiebird all the time & w the titans if you sparred w him there was a 100% chance of you being bitten. also if you took the tv remote from him

& then during countdown on cosmic mistakes jason & kyle physically fight regularly in a not serious way that is kind of like play-fighting but they are genuinely pissed off at each other so it’s not very friendly lmao but it helps blow off steam & it just becomes an accepted part of their daily routine. donna has just started to automatically tune it out

& one day jay and kyle are fighting/wrestling and jason RIPS his hood off bc hes had enough!!!! kyle is soooooo fucking annoying punching is not enough jason is going to start BITING!!!!!!!! but kyle sees jason taking his hood off so intensely and hes

hes like.

he thinks. OBVIOUSLY. obviously. jasons fed up with the sExUaL tEnSiOn and he’s going in for a kiss. that this is obviously the start to a heavy makeout

& donna hears the hood clatter on the floor so she looks up. and kyles face. she Knows that smirky face. so she looks at jason like what did i miss??? but!!!!!! she KNOWS THAT FACE TOO!! that is Kid Brother Is Gearing Up To Chomp face. and ohhhhhhh this is going to be hilarious

For all the chronically ill

May your pain medication always kick in right after you take them. May your compression garments always slip on your body with ease. May you always find your footing when you walk. May you wake up with energy and zest. May your sinuses always be clear

There are a few 'Jason Stayed with the All Caste' stories floating around, but I think it might be funnier if an All Hands On Deck situation happened and Talia had to join him in Stabbing Cthulhu, so they dropped Damien off without explanation and Bruce only found out about Jason X months later when Robin II's old 'SOS World Ending Threat' code was entered into a com system somewhere.

Cue Damien crowing "I told you they didn't abandon me, they were preoccupied!"

i do very much like the idea of damian growing up under jason’s influence at the league and thus not giving a shit about being ‘the son of batman’. like he had jason, fuck that old guy who apparently donated sperm. so when talia sends damian to bruce to train so they could go off on other work its less damian being like ‘i am the blood son it is my right to eventually inherit the cowl’ and more like ‘…..:/ man ahki was right. batman aint shit’ and bruce is genuinely just so bewildered hes just ‘what. wait what.’

they’re training in the batcave and bruce is like ‘im going to show you this move on how to non-lethally take out an attacker’ and damian is texting jason from the other side of the room just ‘no thanks. i’ve been taught everything i need to know already.’

‘what do you mean by that’

‘when you run out of bullets, throw the gun into the crotch of whoever is left.’

‘excuse me?’

‘i was also told to say a cool catchphrase every time i cock the gun. ahki gave me a list to memorise.’

‘why do you have a gun’

bruce has no idea who this child is but he’s starting to get concerned about who the fuck raised him before he got to the manor. jason is cackling from 2 continents away

well they got sh*t done so...

can’t get over when famous gangster lucky luciano was like “hey lansky seems like quite a hassle getting all those nazis offa your terf you want us to help ya out” and meyer “Left Russia Because of Pogroms and Became A Gangster In The US” lansky was like “no. no getting to beat the shit out of nazis is reward enough for us. sorry lucky this one’s personal don’t worry about it”