Horse Yuri Yayyy

She’s so pretty

SANA ✧ MISAMO'S ATELIER

MOMO Hello | 4th World Tour in Seoul

Seulgi’s lowkey giving off Jesse vibes 🫢

Oh how I love to torture myself 😭

ephemeral

pairing: huh yunjin x fem!reader. genre: angst. warnings: mentions of eating disorders and depression. a/n: the entire story is yunjin's pov (but still third person limited)

the moon hung low, a pale light gently illuminating the cemetary where yunjin stood. her fingers traced over the letters on the gravestone, trying her best to keep herself together and not cry right there.

y/n y/l/n: beloved daughter, older sister, best friend, and soulmate.

the words felt uncanny, as if they belonged in someone's nightmare, and not hers. she knelt by the grave, her knees sinking softly into the freshly cut grass, and her chest tightening with the weight of unshed tears. the air was cold and dry, carrying the faint scent of flowers and the distant murmur of the nearby river.

yunjin placed a single lily of the valley on the grave, its white petals almost glowing in the darkness. her heart ached with the pain that became all too familiar to her since y/n's death—a pain that gnawed at her insides, leaving her numb.

she hadn't eaten much in days, the thought of food hurting stomach. she sometimes wonders if it's because food was y/n's favorite thing. she'd always be eating with y/n whenever she could, but now she could barely even look at or even eat food without thinking of her.

now her clothes were loose on her, her reflection in the mirror a ghost of the loud and loving person she used to be.

"i miss you, so much," yunjin whispered, her voice trembling, "i don't—"

a sob escaped her lips.

"i don't know how to do this without you."

memories of y/n flooded her mind—y/n's laughter, the way she would scrunch her nose when she didn't like something, the way she would stick her tongue out a little bit when she was doing something, the way her embrace would make yunjin feel so safe, loved, and at home.

all of that was gone now, like a dream that slipped away the moment she opened her eyes.

yunjin stayed at the y/n's grave for what felt like hours, lost in the silence, lost in her memories, before she finally forced herself to stand. the weight of grief pressed down on her, making each step she took heavier and challenging as she made her way out of the cemetery.

she continued to walk aimlessly, her feet moving in the lonely and quiet streets of the outskirts of seoul as if they had a mind of their own. her destination was bound to happen, though; she knew where she was headed even if she didn't want to look or admit it.

then the bridge came into view, its structure arching beautifully over the river that gently streamed beneath. this was their spot, where they had spent countless nights together, talking everything and nothing, the world fading around them until it felt like they were the only ones left. yunjin's breath hitched when she stepped onto the bridge, the familiar sound of dark wood and footsteps echoing in the lifelessness.

she leaned against the old woooden railing, staring down at the water that shimmered under the light of both the moon and stars. the river was a ribbon of silver, winding through the landscape, and yunjin remember how y/n used to say it was like their love—always moving, always changing, but never ending.

the memories came crashing down on her like strong ocean waves. the first time y/n had held her hand, the electric feeling that shot right through her. the way y/n kissed her so gently under this very sky, the stars reflecting in her eyes, making her feel like she was floating. the fights they had, the tears that they shed, and the ways they'd always make up right after, because their love was stronger than that had ever tried to tear them apart,

except for this. except for death.

a sob escaped escaped yunjin's lips, and she clutched the railing as if it were the only thing keeping her from falling apart. her tears fell freely now, mixing with the cold night air as she cried for everything they had lost. for the future they had planned, for the dreams they never realize. for the love that consumed her. for the love that was still there, burning inside her, with nowhere to go.

"please," she sobbed, "i just want you back."

she leaned her body forward a little, her abdomen pressing against the dark oak railing.

"i don't know how to live without you," she whispered to the wind, her voice swallowed by the night. "i don't know if i even want to."

her sobs came out faster and louder. her entire body trembled and her heart ached with pain.

she stayed there, sobbing as she let the memories once again wash over her, until she was too exhausted to keep crying. her body felt heavy, her mind numb, and all she wanted was an escape, to find some semblenace in the silence of the night.

eventually, she pushed herself away from the railing and started walking away, her steps flow and unsteady. the streets were deserted, the city asleep, but yunjin coudn't shake the feeling that she was truly the only one alone.

when she finally reached their her apartment, she felt like she was stepping into a different world—one that was once filled with love and laughter, now cold, empty, and lifeless. yunjin shut the door behind her, leaning against it as she tried to catch her breath. her eyes then fell on a burgundy colored hoodie. it was draped over the back of the couch, the one y/n wore and took off when they had their final movie night. it still smelled like her—the comforting scent of dark amber and oud, a scent y/n always used because it reminded her of her grandpa.

yunjin walked towards the couch and gently grabbed the hoodie, pulling it over her head, and inhaling deeply. the scent wrapped around her senses, embracing her like a warm embrace, and for a moment she almost pretended y/n was still there next to her, holding her, and telling her that everything was gonna be okay.

but her illusion quickly disintegrated as quickly as it formed, and yunjin was left with nothing but the traumatizing reality of her loss. she stumbled into their her room and fell onto the bed, clutching the stitch stuffed animal that y/n had won for her at a carnival for her twenty-second birthday. it was silly, a reminder of the happier moments, but it was all she had from the girl who loved her unconditionally and had once been her everything.

yunjin curled up under the covers, the feeling of y/n's hoodie and the stuffie in her arms being the only thing to keep her from falling apart once more. she reached for the remote, her fingers shaking as she turned on the tv, navigating to their favorite show—oregairu. the familiar opening theme song played, and yunjin swore she could hear y/n's voice singing along to it.

they had watched this show millions of times. laughing at the characters when they did funny things, quoting their favorite lines, imagining themselves in the world where everything seemed simpler, where love was just another thing in life and not something that could be ripped away in the blink of an eye.

yunjin's body trembled with silent sobs, the sound of the show playing the background, a cruel and constant pain that tore through her entire being. she clutched onto her stitch tigher, as if it could somehow bring y/n back, as if she could control the universe so she could turn back time and give herself one more moment with the girl she loved.

she knew better, though. yunjin knew that life didn't and would never work that way, that some things were truly ephemeral, as fleeting as a breath, as fragile as a dream. and all she could do now was hold onto the memories, even as they threatened to consume her completely.

with the show still playing in the background, yunjin's exhaustion finally caught up to her. she buried her face into her stitch stuffie, y/n's hoodie enveloping her in it's warmth, allowing her exhaustion and the darkness to consume her. in her dreams, she was with y/n again, on the bridge, under the stars, and for a fleeting moment, everything was the way it should be.

but even in her dreams, yunjin knew that nothing lasts forever. that some loves, no matter how strong and beautiful, were destined to fade away, leaving nothing but a trail of memories and an aching void where there had once been light.

and when she woke up the next morning, the sun peaking the the blackout curtains, yunjin was alone, her stitch and hoodie being the only things with her. the weight of the world pressing down on her entirely as she only realied that the only true thing for ephemeral was hope.

🫠🫠🫠🫠

SO HIGHSCHOOL , HANNI PHAM

“you know how to ball, i know aristotle!”

✎ SYNOPSIS — in which hanni falls for the captain of the basketball team, despite you two being complete opposites.

✎ PAIRING(S) — yearbook/newspaper student!hanni x athlete!reader

✎ WARNING(S) — blood mentioned, injuries, kissing, lowkey rushed i wanted to get it out for her birthday 😭

a/n— ily yearbook girlie hanni pham!! also happy birthday hanni

it was unreal to haerin how her best friend had fallen in love with y/n. hanni pham of all people was deeply in love with you, someone who barely even looked her way. hanni even showed up to all your games making the excuse that it was so she could take photos for the school newspaper, but everyone knew it was just for you.

it was one of those days right now actually, hyein and haerin sighing as they accompanied hanni to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid.

you and your teammates were currently strategizing, the other team calling a timeout as your team was up by forty points.

“han what even is interesting about this, every game y/n makes like five threes and carries her team to victory. nothing else ever happens.” hyein complains, making hanni roll her eyes.

“and then she gaslights herself into thinking y/n shot them all for her.” haerin says, making hanni side eye her.

“all you guys do is complain,” hanni groans, “also i do not gaslight myself?! she really does shoot them for me.” hanni says.

“you’re insane.” haerin says simply, making hanni come back to reality.

“my bad.” hanni mutters, grabbing her camera again as the timeout concluded.

the girl had an insane amount of photos already, some of your best plays coming from this game. it was concerning how much of cameo you made in each new issue of the newspaper, it was actually something you noticed recently but you brushed it off and just thought you were having a good season.

you were running down the court waiting for a pass when a bright flash blinded you, making you groan. you looked up to see three girls in the stands, scrambling and yelling at each other. two of them were yelling at the girl with a camera on her neck, the girl having her hand over her mouth in shock.

“hanni you cannot be serious right now.” hyein deadpanned, looking at her older friend.

“I DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD DO THAT?” hanni says, her hand quickly making its way to cover her mouth.

she would never recover from this, she looked down to see if you noticed just to see you staring directly at her making her heart drop.

“hyein.”

“hanni?”

“look.”

“oh my god.”

“i blinded the love of my life.” hanni says, sinking down into her seat.

“how do you manage to ruin everything.” haerin says, making hanni roll her eyes and ignore her friend.

your teammate hadn’t realized you weren’t paying attention, the girl throwing the ball to you for an easy shot. her jaw dropped when she saw you fall to the ground, the ball leaving a big red mark on your face.

the ref blew his whistle, calling a timeout in which all of your teammates ran towards you to figure out what happened.

“y/n what are you doing?!” yujin shouts, anger laced throughout her voice.

you didn’t even understand the girl as you just barely woke up from your small sleep, causing you to touch your head and feel blood.

“ah shit.” you curse, the pressure of your hand sending pain coursing through your body.

“y/n did you hear me?! what the hell are you doing?” yujin repeats, your other teammates concerned.

“yujin..” was all you could mutter before you saw black. you knew it was over, this was most definitely your last game of the season.

back up in the stands hanni couldn’t believe her eyes, all because of her stupid camera flash you were now injured.

“hanni, you actually just may have made the most insane fuck up of all time.” haerin says.

“i genuinely have no words.” hanni says, her eyes trained on you as your teammates carry you out the gym. the match even had to be finished early, with the lead your team had it didn’t even matter much.

if hanni even thought she had any chance with you before, it was most definitely gone now. she didn’t even know how she fucked up this bad.

—

the next day hanni anxiously tapped her fingers against her usual lunch table, danielle and minji confused at her unusual antics.

nobody knew what y/n was looking at while she was distracted, so it was a complete mystery to the two girls what had happened yesterday.

“hanni, are you good?” minji asks, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“yeah! just anxious about my spanish test.” hanni lies quickly, looking around after like she was being interrogated for a crime.

“um okay..” minji says, she knew there was no spanish test today (they had the same class..) but she chose to not question any further.

a small conversation picked up between dani and hyein, haerin sometimes chiming in with minji. hanni couldn’t even focus, she was so unbelievably worried about you.

hanni couldn’t get image of you on the ground out of her head, a lingering feeling of guilt following her everywhere. thankfully she had yet to see you, she knew she would probably break down.

hanni was also nervous that you would confront her, tell her that she ruined your life or that she was awful but she knew you wouldn’t. that was what drew her towards you. regardless of how your friends and teammates acted, you were the kindest person ever. whenever a new issue came out you would compliment her on her work, as hanni usually worked on the sports section alone. it was a simple gesture really, but coming from you it meant the world to hanni.

in conclusion the girl was smitten with you, and she wanted nothing more than to know you were okay.

—

hanni knew it was stupid. but she let herself walk into the nurses office, where you currently were getting checked on.

hanni thought it would be fine, considering they had a student nurse at the moment who she knew well. she walked in and greeted her friend, the older boy smiling at her.

“hi hanni.” huening kai greets the girl quickly, before turning back his attention to your wound.

“oh sorry kai, i didn’t know you still had someone in here.” hanni apologizes, knowing well she knew you were in there.

you stared at hanni in disbelief, you couldn’t really see her when you were on the court so her beauty amazed you. maybe it was okay that she blinded you, and also sort of caused you a major injury.

“no worries hanni! i actually need to go grab something from the main office really quickly, can you watch y/n for me?” kai says, to which hanni nods almost immediately.

“thanks! y/n keep your head down.” kai commands, noticing the way you sat up to look at hanni.

“oh yeah, sorry..” you mutter, laying back down slowly as kai left.

there was a moment of silence, before you sat up almost immediately alarming hanni.

“y/n you’re gonna—“ hanni starts, being cut off by you.

“it was you, wasn’t it.” you say eerily, further examining hanni’s face.

“huh?” hanni questions, her heart dropping to her ass. she didn’t think you would acknowledge it.

“it’s okay hanni!” you retort quickly, noticing the change in the girls demeanor.

“next time just wait until i actually make the shot.” you tease her, making hanni groan.

“it was really an accident i’m so so so so so so so sorry.” hanni mumbles just loud enough for you to hear.

“it’s fine hanni, your photos are actually really good. i use them on insta all the time.” you reassure the girl, taking her hand in yours making her unbelievably nervous.

“you do?” hanni says dumbfoundedly. (she actually knew that, she loved scrolling through your instagram, but you didn’t need to know that.)

“yeah, i mean you manage a whole section of the newspaper yourself for a reason. you always manage to catch my good side, it’s actually kind of scary.” you say, making hanni smile nervously.

“i just pay close attention you know, i love basketball!” hanni lies through her teeth, she didn’t know shit about basketball she just liked watching you play.

“oh really? who’s your favorite player?” you ask.

“um… lebron james?” hanni admits quietly, looking away in embarrassment at the way you burst out into laughter at her response.

“wow, you seem very well versed on basketball ms pham.” you say, still giggling at how unsure she sounded giving her response.

“i just— oh shut up.” hanni deadpans, noticing that you were now teasing her on purpose.

silence filled the room once again, causing you to lock eyes with hanni. you finally got to see her in all her glory, your eyes slowly scanning her face until they stopped at her lips.

she looked so kissable in that moment to you, the thought of her making you smile. what hanni didn’t know is that you were actually obsessed with her too, you’re teammates hated you for it always calling her the pretty girl in the stands.

you looked back up to see hanni staring at your lips too, making you ask a question on impulse.

“can i kiss you?”

another beat of silence, making you nervous.

“please.”

you wrap your arms around hanni’s neck, crashing your lips onto hers as she held your waist. you knew kai would be back soon but you didn’t care, you had been waiting forever for this.

the two of you only pulled away for air, addicted to the feeling of your lips on each others. though every good thing comes to an end, the two of you jumping at the sound of the door opening.

kai stood there dumbfounded, “you know what, i’m not even gonna ask.”

“um, y/n you’re free to go! after you’re done with whatever..” kai says, smiling awkwardly.

he quickly closed the door making you laugh, hanni hiding in the crook of your neck.

“never again.” she mutters into your neck.

“you sure?”

“shut up."

prompt one - idol and era nayeon during set me free era for @mimisamo - cr., cr.

240616 Solar @ 'COLOURS' Concert in Manila ©

love bug ; yoo jeongyeon

genre: fluff / smut

contains: mentions of alcohol, slight nipple play, boob play, cuddlygirlfriend!jeongyeon, established relationship, sort of thigh ridng, slight tit slapping, mentions of subspace.

a/n: i’ve been trying to finish this for a month now, i’m so sorry.

- -

you giggled at your tipsy girlfriend as she stumbled slightly onto the couch, her face almost coming in contact with your bent knee.

“careful, baby.” you giggle out, your hand reaching out to run your fingers through her hair.

she shook your warning off, laughing at her own intoxicated clumsiness.

the both of you had just got back from a club with the girls and their girlfriends, planning to just have a fun night out.

instead, everyone had too many trips to the bar within a two hour span, causing a group of fifteen girls to leave stumbling over themselves and giggling.

however, jeongyeon and you turned out to be the least drunk by the end of the night, just tispy but horny.

you had just planned to get home and go to bed, hoping to fall asleep in your girlfriend's arms.

but, as usual, jeongyeon had other plans for the two of you.

she smiled up at you in her bra, her top had been disgarded on the floor infront of the front door.

the light pink fabric caught your eye, the contrest of the dark pigment of her skin and the blushy lace made your heart swoon.

she was so beautiful to you, you couldn't belive that she was all yours.

she planted both of her arms on either side of your thighs, her wrists gently grazing the supple skin.

"i need you so badly, sweetheart." she whispered needily, smiling softly at you.

you loved when she spoke to you like this, so desperate to please you.

she looked down at you patiently, waiting for you to grant her permission to touch you.

that was another one of your favorite things about her, how she always made sure that you were on the same page as she was. she never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable during sex, it would just break her heart.

you smiled up at her, giving her consent to touch you however she pleased.

within seconds, jeongyeon's delicate hands attatched themsleves to your clothed breasts, groping them softly.

"gosh, i love these so much, baby. i could touch them forever." she breathed out, memorized by how they felt and looked in her hands.

her praise never failed to make you flushed, and it didn't go unnoticed when your nipple hardened under her palms.

she giggled at the feeling, her heart swelling at the proof of how horny she makes you.

you slid your thigh inbetween her own, pressing it slightly into her pantyclad pussy.

you almost gasped at how wet she felt already, the forplay hadn't even began yet and she was already forming a pool in her underwear.

"y/n, you're so sexy. fuck, i'm getting so wet just at the feeling of your pretty nipples." she mumbled, mostly to herself.

you blushed again, your cheeks turning a light shade of crimson.

"j, i can feel." you giggled loudly, causing her to blush as well.

"oh sush, it's because of you." she scolded, her hand swatted your breast lighty.

this time, you actually did gasp.

jeongyeon could be pretty rough and dominate when she wanted to, which wasn't very often. but whenever the time did come, the two of you found that you would each have the best orgasms.

something about the way she would seem so confident about what she was doing, always got her worked up, seeing you become so submissive was another factor as well.

"lets get this shirt off you, yeah? it's in my way." she suggests, her fingers finding the hem of your tank top, tugging slightly.

you nodded at her once more, granting her permission for yet another thing tonight, and you were sure that it certainly wouldn't be the last.

her fingers curled under the fabric, quickly tugging it off, waisting no time with teasing touches.

jeongyeon tossed the disgarded clothing somewhere infront of the couch, not paying any mind to where it landed.

"much better." she mumbled.

the cool air of the living room brushed against your bare nipples, causing goosebumps to form around your areola.

she giggled at the sight of you being completely naked under your thin tanktop, her mouth watering at the view.

the thing about jeongyeon that bearly anyone but yourself knew, was that her weakness was your glourious tits. she would go hours just thinking about the feeling of your nipples inside of her mouth, making herself flustered consistantly. there was just something addicting about them, she just could never stay away.

she leaned down, her lips envoloping one into her mouth.

"oh my-" you gasped at the sudden warmth of her tougue gliding itself across your hardened bud.

she was so talented in that department, jeongyeon knew everything to do when it came to sucking your nipples.

she giggled lightly at your reaction, her ego boosting slightly.

shortly after she started, jeongyeon found herself start to slip.

you felt her sucking start to slow down, instead of fast and eager suckling, it turned into long, drawn out suctioning.

this is what caused you to look down at her lovingly.

it was an obvious sign that she was too tired to continue, but too addicted to stop.

she got like this often, some would call it subspace, but it wasn’t like that. she never went that far in her head, just a little deeper than usual.

it only ever occurred whenever she got tired, like now.

“my little love bug, just sucking away, hm?” you whispered softly.

she nodded, her eyes darting up towards you in a adoring way.

jesus, she was so beautiful.

- -

I love this so much!! it’s beautiful!!

we can't be friends - ariana grande | minatozaki sana

summary: the earth only has one moon, are you really the moon to sana's earth?

pairing: childhood-friend!sana x fem!reader

themes: extremely angsty, best friends to ?? to ??, internalized homophobia, gender dysphoria, sana's not too great of a friend, reader is a pushover until she isn't, implied sex, original male character, [----] x reader

wc: 3.2k

(side b: north and south poles | minatozaki sana)

from what you've learned in school, at the very early age of kindergarten is that the earth only has one moon, only one. mars has two moons: phobos and deimos.

when you were kids, you were called deimos, sana was called mars, and fuji was called phobos. it was always you three together, running through the streets of the countryside of japan.

causing so much trouble for your administrators, running around yelling down the halls of your school, the terrible trio of class 2-A. leaving school was always fun too, running around for snacks and jumping at the sight of cats.

you and sana were always closer, whenever fuji had to go home early because of his strict extracurriculars, you spent time with sana. walking by the train tracks, looking for lost coins for the vending machine or even staying for dinner with sana’s parents. it felt like it was you three taking on the small town.

until it didn’t. when middle school rolled around, you were excited to see them two after a couple of weeks of summer. each of you was busy with other things in life, making it hard to meet each other. so on the first day of school, you strolled in, ready to take on the new school year with sana and fuji by your side, when you noticed they weren’t talking much to each other.

fuji found basketball friends in his group, clinging to them like they were his new lifeline. sana has gotten close to the popular girls, they were nice but very superficial, all having drama with each other but in front of the group, they all faked smiles for each other.

you found yourself in between two different worlds, you tried calling to them after school, but they both dismissed you saying they had extracurriculars. fuji had gone off to play with his friends during basketball practice, while sana participated in school government association.

you got tricked into becoming treasurer for the sga that very year, so it was nice to still be around sana. although you could feel her distance.

it isn’t until one spring afternoon, you feel your first ever heartbreak. sana rushes into the sga room while you were napping on a desk.

she taps your shoulder excitedly, “wake up!”

you rub your eyes and focus on sana, who’s shoving a letter in your hand. you read the first line and yeah, your heart is crushed.

“fuji confessed to me!” she shouts excitedly, doing a little dance by herself as you read the lines.

“oh, congrats.” you hand the letter back to her, she looks at you a bit puzzled by your simple reaction.

“he asked me out! im so excited.” she explains, going into detail about their supposed first date. “he might kiss me, what do you think?”

“if you want to kiss him, then kiss him.”

she rolls her eyes at that, of course she knows that. that’s not what she’s implying.

“what i mean is, i’ve never had my first kiss! i don’t know what to do.” she goes on, thinking about it seriously. “what if he kisses me, and i suck and he doesn’t want to kiss me.”

“sana, if he thinks you being a bad first kisser is a deal breaker then dump him.”

you explain, placing your head back on your arms.

“you have to help me!”

“help?”

“kiss me, pretend you’re fuji.”

“no way sana.”

“why? too much of a chicken to kiss me?”

“no im not!”

"bawk bawk bawk" sana mocks you. making flapping arm motions to imitate a chicken.

“fine!” you hold yourself together (as much as you can) and place your lips gently against sana, pulling her in by the neck. caressing her cheek before letting her go. her eyes are dazed.

“wow yeah, that was good.” she fiddles with her school skirt, “i wish you were a boy, you’d make a girl very happy kissing her like that.” she blushes and leaves you alone, you feel that jagged break in your heart tear a little longer.

your tears don't stop as you try and go back to taking a nap, feeling your breathing getting heavy and you stay the rest of the afternoon, crying about not being born a guy for sana.

--

that was the last time you really talked to sana, too hurt that you cut your hair short the next day in the bathroom sink. crying tears into the porcelain bowl, with tears filling around your choppy hair. when you finally stop, you try liking the idea of it being short like a boys. but sana doesn’t spare you a glance. suddenly the hair feels too choppy and the air that you didn't feel when your hair was long starts to bother you.

it doesn't bother you for long, once your hair grows back. it feels right, like you were meant to look this pretty and feminine. you stay away from both sana and fuji as much as you can.

until one day sana knocks rapidly at your door, you haven't had her over in years. high school created even more distance between you two, you found your own people to be around. people that never overlapped with sana and fuji.

--

until you see sana staring at you from across the door, eyes still sparkling as they always have, in that charming look. and the longer face, the warm smile and comforting scent of flowers. as much she is the sana you remember, you don't think she's the same sana you once knew.

"hi."

"hi sana, are you okay?" you let her in. and it's like you're transported back to when you were thirteen, letting sana come over whenever she needed to complain about fuji and his "boy" tendencies. now that you're both 18 and ready to set off into the real world, you feel a little strange having sana visit.

"yeah, i need your help." she starts, dropping her bag onto the floor. you feel your heart rate spike a bit, was sana in trouble?

"help with what?" you offer her a bottle of her favorite drink, royal milk tea.

"you remembered." she says softly, grabbing it and downing it in a few quick seconds, a sign she's nervous and with the tapping of her foot. you're feeling anxious just at the sight. "fuji asked to have sex."

you nearly spit out your own water, "what?" your eyes are wide and you stare at sana as she keeps her eyes away from you.

"i need your help."

"did he do something sana? i'll kill him myself." you get up.

"no, none of that. i want to, have sex i mean. i just can't with him first."

"why not?"

"well, i...i want my first time to not be him. i just know it in my heart."

"okay. so how am i supposed to help you?"

"be my first."

"sana! you can't ask that of me."

"why not? we're best friends, of course we can."

"sana no, you love fuji, he should be your first if you love him. you're dating him too, that would be cheating."

"i dont, i dont think, i just." she shakes her head. "it can't be with him first." she ends it softly, hands in her lap. looking like she's been scolded. you feel the guilt bubbling up in your stomach; here she was being vulnerable, and you just accused her of being a cheater.

"what's really going on?" you ask, she's not making sense anymore.

"i need you to be my first, i want you to be. it can't be anyone else." sana is firm. standing up and taking your hands in hers. with her eyes looking into yours like that, like she knows how much you love and adore her. you can't find yourself to say no, even if it betrays fuji.

"okay."

"yeah?" her eyes light up.

"yeah." you pull sana upstairs, and begging her to forget about fuji, just for one night. to only focus on you and to pull out those pretty sounds of sana uttering your name into the night.

you don't stop until you feel sana against you, like it's where she belongs, right in your arms.

--

when sana leaves in the morning, you feel that gash that you've been trying so hard to heal get ripped apart again. she thanks you like you're someone who was there to provide a service to her, like that's the only purpose you served her that night.

as if you didn't pour your heart out as you kissed down her torso, cherishing her body like the gods sculpted it. as if she isn't the only woman in the world, you begin to think maybe that's what you were made for. someone to exist for sana, and never with her.

this hurtful thought bumps around your brain, hitting every surface of it, you feel your heart break into two. like you're led on a leash by sana, without her letting you ever leave.

it becomes a habit, a habit you can't break. you circling between the sana and fuji whenever it was the holidays or birthday parties. each year you feel more and more of your soul slip away. you can't begin to tell where your identity begins and ends without sana.

doesn't help that fuji is a good man for sana. always considerate and careful, giving her the space and time she needs when she's overwhelmed. you think sana chose well, a good man in her life that'll never waver his loyalty for her.

but it leaves you in disarray, sana contacting you for her relationship problems. leaving fuji all alone as she calls you to escape. weeks spent away from fuji, where you two meet hidden away from the world. a hidden place filled with drunk kisses and hookups, ones you would never utter to fuji.

you being invited at her parties, seeing his arms draped around her like you weren't caressing them just days ago. it's all too much, you don't know if you can be friends with her. ever again.

until she marries fuji, she hands you their invitation card herself. how dare she? after years of being a secret she hands you a knife for you to stab into your heart, and she does it with a smile. explaining how happy she is to have the wedding of her dreams, while you feel the woman of your dreams slip right through your fingers.

but then the reality hits, she was never yours to begin with, you two are simply friends. just best friends that know each other's bodies too well.

you play your part well, giving a dedicated speech to them two. reminiscing of the early days of you as a trio. days of mischief, talking about learning of their feelings for each other, making jokes about how they were polar opposites, destined to find each other magnetically. you leave out the part where you think you would fit well with sana even if you aren't the opposing magnet.

you try and stay away from her as much as you can after the wedding, to save your own heart (as much there is left). blocking her number and taking time away from japan. going overseas to travel, and it works out well, you meet a woman named momo, you don't mention the woman to sana. you don't hear from sana and you feel your heart calm a bit, like it's finally able to take a break.

when you return to japan, you find her at your doorsteps, fallen asleep at your door. she wakes up to the sight of you and hugs you immediately, complaining about how worried she was that you disappeared. you don't mention how you blocked her number. letting sana into your apartment and she drops the biggest news on you that you could ever expect: shes pregnant.

"congratulations sana!" you fake a smile and she goes on to explain that it's going to be a little girl. and she's so excited to dress her up and have a daughter.

you feel like you're hearing static noise as she goes on, sitting on your couch talking animatedly about the new nursery and all the books she's been reading about motherhood. it isn't until she finally steps away to go home that you realize that you never said more than congratulations.

--

months later, she births the beautiful baby girl. you wait outside the room, a balloon in one hand and a pack of diapers in the other. the nerves of having to see sana after so long made you vomit in the hospital bathroom just ten minutes ago. you try to focus on anything else, the sterile walls, the smell of sanitizer, the sounds of nurses chatting. then you see fuji step outside, looking like a tired first-time father.

"congratulations fuji!" you say as you pass him the diapers. he laughs at the sight and thanks you before saying he's going outside to get some food and that sana is awake.

you step into the hospital room and hear the rhythmic heart monitor and low beeps of machines. there sana is, exhausted as ever but happily babbling to her baby. you can see the little baby in the swaddle. you walk up to the bedside.

"hi sana, congratulations on your new baby." you tie the balloon to her bed, and she smiles at you, tired but always warm. "she's beautiful, sana." you wash your hands and poke at her cheek.

"isn't she? i think it's too early to say, but she might have my eyes." you look back down and see the baby, eyes closed in bliss. you think they look like sana's too. ones that you used to look at as kids.

"i want to name her after you." she starts, gently caressing her head. you stop, leaning back quickly.

“dont do that sana, don’t give it the same curse you gave me.” you bite out. sana stops caressing the baby's face to look at you. “forced to love someone who will never love them back.”

"what are you talking about?" sana says gently, you've never raised your voice at her in all the years you've known each other.

"sana, you can't give her my name. i forbid you to." you say sternly; after how much she destroyed you, you're not letting her name her daughter that.

"but, why?" she's still perplexed, eyes wide.

"it's not right." you look away from sana, years of pain resurfacing just at the idea. "you really hurt me, i don't want you to name your daughter after me."

she doesn't press you on the matter anymore, anxious eyes darting all over the room, trying to find an escape from this conversation.

"what about being her godmother?"

"i'm moving away sana."

it's like the final nail in the coffin, both phrases being said at the same time. you realize there's no other way to say it, not over text or a call. it's better to say it here, ripping off the bandaid completely.

"moving? where are you moving?" you can hear the heartbeat machine beeping faster, and you see her heart rate climbing steadily.

"korea, i got a job over there." you say dismissively.

"oh wow, when do you move?" sana's voice is timid as she tries to hold back tears at the idea.

"i leave in a week." you say, picking your stuff up getting ready to leave. "congratulations again sana, your baby is beautiful and healthy. tell fuji that he'll be a good father, i know it." and with that you step to leave, and just as you turn the knob you can hear it, the sound of sana crying.

you try not to cry yourself, but you can't stay here. orbiting around two people who are building their life together. you weren't supposed to be here to begin with. earth never had two moons. you nearly bump into fuji when he opens the door.

"oh fuji, i'm sorry i couldn't stay long." you offer when you see him outside, food in hand and excited to talk to you, he smiles sadly. giving you a hug as you walk outside.

feeling like for once you control your own life, your love is yours, and no longer sana's.

"stay a while longer, sana is so excited to see you!" he says, trying to urge you to come back inside.

"it's okay, we'll see each other around." you turn to look back at sana, and she stares right into you with tears running down her face and glaring at you. you just told your final lie to sana, closing the door behind them, like you closed your relationship with sana.

--

you don't see sana for years; it's strange. growing up with so much hurt and pain made it difficult to enjoy your romantic relationships, but you realize there is always a person for you, yours being hirai momo, not sana minatozaki.

here at incheon international airport, you stretch from your seat, needing to get some movement in before you sit in that cramped airplane seat for hours. so you make a beeline to the bathroom, walking directly into a young girl.

she falls backwards, nearly hitting her head on the floor, but you catch her in time.

"hi sweetie you okay?" you pat her down, pulling her shirt down. she nods at you and you see her eyes, and you feel your memories shift back to when you were five years old, meeting that girl that sat near you in class 2-A. she runs towards someone.

you stand up and recognize those eyes immediately, sana minatozaki in the flesh after five years. eyes wide as she stares at you. fuji right by her side.

you can see the recognition in sana's eyes. you walk right up to them, offering the couple a hug. sana's arms grip onto you so tightly you feel your ribs in her hold. then you feel a tug at your pant leg.

you turn around and smile at the girl by your leg.

"say hi hana, this is sana and fuji." your little girl waves to them hi, while sana is still staring at you. fuji starts congratulating you, excited to see that you have a daughter. you let out a laugh. then you feel a pat on your back, with momo walking up to kiss you.

then you let your daughter down to play with sana's daughter. eyes fond at the two little girls chasing after each other.

“it’s been a while.” sana's voice cuts into your thinking.

“yeah, i guess it has.” you reply, finally looking at her after so long. sana gulps, willing the tears away.

"honey, you’re crying.” fuji says wiping away sana's tear, you smile at that. he's good for her.

“oh i didn't notice.” sana laughs, rapidly wiping her tears away.

you let the three of them talk, momo joining in and introducing herself. you're left feeling a bit better about your decision to leave sana's side all those years ago. waiting for her to love you back would've costed your relationship with momo, especially since you would have never had hana.

it's important to know when being friends turns into we can't be friends anymore.

--

a/n: hehehehehe, angst is so fun to write, that's probably why it's everywhere in my writing. thank you to the anon who requested this! i wrote this in like 6hrs. stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

Momoooooo

FUCK.

I NEED HER.

OMG SKSBS

SOMEONE SEND MOMO FICS.