¡! ❝ REDAMANCY .. ❞

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄

❤︎ — PAIRING: itoshi rin x reader

❤︎ — PROMPT: "wait, don't go, please." requested by ☕️ anon

❤︎ — CW: fluff, hurt/comfort, moody + touch-starved rin

itoshi rin has bad days.

beneath his calm, collected, rational exterior, is a human. someone who feels just as deeply as those around him. although, unlike many of those people, rin isn't so good at expressing said feelings. he bottles them up, fights his battles alone and in silence.

you've noticed that much as long as you've been with him.

which is why you aren't entirely surprised when the slam of a door sounds throughout your apartment—loud enough that you can hear it from your bedroom all the way down the hall. his footsteps are heavy with his approach and you set your phone aside to give him your full attention.

rin nudges the door open with his shoulder, the opposite hand running through his hair in irritation. he drops his duffel bag by the dresser and it hits the floor with a thud as he pulls open the drawers in search of some loungewear. you don't miss the way he fails to greet you as usual, with a kiss on your temple and inquiries about your day.

"hey," you start, watching the man stack a folded pair of joggers on the surface, "welcome home." a beat of silence passes, and then more, enough to tell that you won't be getting any response from him.

"rough day?" you probe, hoping the question will elicit a reply.

and it does, just not the one you're looking for. "i'm getting in the shower," rin tells you, never turning to face you. instead, he steps into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

you sigh at his blatant resistance to talk things through with you, but you're not angry—far from it, actually. you know this routine. he shuts down in an attempt not to take his frustrations out on you and disappears until the stress he's under begins to seep away.

there's no telling how long he'll spend beneath the stream of steaming water but you want to be ready for him when he gets back.

on the other side of the door, in the room where the mirror begins to fog up and the water pelts the tiles, rin stands unmoving under the shower head. an overwhelming number of thoughts are crowding his skull—thoughts of his less-than-ideal performance during today’s practice, thoughts of his stagnant progress, thoughts of inferiority. but most of all, thoughts about how the aftermath of his shitty day was taken out on you are ruthlessly nagging at him.

he shouldn't have done that. you've always told him that you're on his team, by his side, here to help the best you can. and he knows it's true but on days like these, it's hard for him to believe that he can rely on anyone but himself.

until he can convince himself that he deserves any consolation, relief, sympathy from you, rin scrubs away at his skin, soapy blobs running down his body and into the drain.

when he opens the door, rin’s heart feels lighter in his chest upon seeing that you haven’t left. you must have gotten up for a moment though because sitting on the mattress with you is the hair dryer. there's a bowl of fruit on your bedside table, too. the motion at the en suite catches your attention, leading you to drag your gaze up from your phone in favor of looking at rin. you offer him a small smile as you set the device on the surface to the left of you.

“want me to dry your hair?” you reach forward to grab the dryer, waving the appliance to emphasize your question. there's no sign of resentment or bitterness in your voice—it's just as easygoing as it had been when you greeted him.

rin swallows and nods. "sure."

"sit," you instruct him with a finger pointing to the ottoman at the foot of your bed. he wordlessly follows your command, turning around to take a seat on the furniture while your knees dig into the mattress to meet him there.

the hair dryer whooshes to life in your hand, a rush of warm air hitting the back of rin's head and sending damp strands of dark green hair forward. that and the feel of your fingers gently shaking out and separating the strands calms rin to his core. it's nearly enough to make him forget about the unfavorable happenings of his day.

all too soon the sensation is gone and you're sitting back on your calves.

"all done," you tell rin. "get comfortable. i'll put this away."

you sneak off to return the blow dryer to its rightful place in the bathroom and quickly wash your hands before joining rin back in your bedroom. spotting rin resting against the pillows, you round the bed and perch yourself beside him, patting your lap in a silent gesture for him to lay his head there.

the side of rin's face presses against your thighs in the new, relaxing position. the weight of his head is comforting and enough to tell you that the shower helped clear the fog of frustration from his mind. still, you don't want to pressure him into talking about something he doesn't want to share so, instead, you grab the porcelain bowl from your table and pluck an apple slice from the dish. you hold it to rin's lips, coaxing him to take a bite.

he does, a small nibble at first before his incisors break off bigger chunks. you feed him, stealing pieces of the sliced fruit here and there while your other hand runs through the silky strands of hair splayed out on your lap. it keeps up this way until the bowl is empty.

you make a move to get up and rinse the dish out but you don't make it far.

"wait, don't go." rin speaks, his hand shooting out to stop yours from pulling away. his fingers loosen around your wrist but he doesn't let you go entirely, as if he's afraid that you slink away if he does. the next thing he says is much quieter, just above a whisper. "please."

any plan you have to leave the bed dissipates with his words. you fall back into the softness of the pillows behind you, fingernails grazing the nape of rin's neck. teal eyes framed by thick lashes stare up at you. behind them, you're almost sure there's a glint of desperation. you nod. "i won't."

rin takes a moment to collect his thoughts, to formulate the right words.

"i'm sorry," he starts. it comes out slowly, not because he's reluctant to say so but because he wants to be sure you hear him. "for being short with you. i wasn't my best at practice and i made it your problem. i shouldn't have and i'm sorry."

he doesn't look away from you once during his admission, blue-green irises boring into you.

you smile and squish rin's cheeks together, causing his lips to poke out in a pout. your gesture may be silly, but you really do appreciate him saying sorry. "apology accepted. just remember, i'm always on your side. always."

he pulls your hand away and kisses your palm. "i know. and... thank you."

thanks for reading! comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

miss arashi narukami🙏🙏🙏

¡! ❝ REDAMANCY .. ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [23] help 😞❞ | m. list | prev. | next

natsume sakasaki x reader smau

warning(s) : cussing; “kys", “kill urself” & “i hope u die” used once (1 time); short chapter i sorry i sick cough cough

╰┈➤ synopsis ❝after yumenosaki academy resident magician and eccentric sakasaki natsume asks you to “go out with him”, you immediately shut him down. so why is he dedicating a song to you at a switch concert? and why are people whispering about you being the cutest couple?❞

ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @myunghology@shionszz@ikasaeki @zephestia@1072v @drihihihi@homonatsume @lialibrary @hugs4shizu @mikctp @emikoisdead@ara-arashi@disa-ster@tjjjrsj@solemn-soliloquy@bxkugzo @buns-inhiding @calxrein @gxwesn@eichiburger@valeriele3@444neapolitain @theloverofscaramouchie@thelocal-idiot@lunalightlyy@promisedswords @gabirii @booklover-valkyriep@mahouwoageru@kazemiya @kokomiscanonlover@engurishu@ttsukipi @6ellyache@anndangtramcam@pocchapoccha @stxrgxzxr@tamayoris // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

x : NO FEAR :*+ﾟ i wanna love you with no fear !

in which: itoshi rin rejected you, so why isn't he handling your avoidance well?

warnings: 5k wc, fluff with minor angst, jealous!rin, food cw, swearing, reo is reader's best friend, COLLEGE!AU, gn!reader, non-canon complaint

a/n: happy valentine's day !!! shoutout to @ryekoo for finally giving me inspo on what to do for the rin fic of my event - u rly saved my life <3

↳ 5K EVENT MASTERLIST ༉‧₊

you:i’m going to end you. <reo3: i’m too pretty to die ._. you: and you told me i was too pretty for itoshi rin to reject!?!?!?! <reo3: oh... <reo3: i’m sorry. <reo3: condolences fr.

with a disappointed sigh, you pocket your phone, decidedly ignoring the next few messages that reo sends as you wait for your bus. he owes you a million yen for the amount of grief and distress he’s currently putting you through, especially with the way he shattered all hopes you had with your love life.

well, hopes that you were stupid enough to feed into because this was itoshi rin you’re talking about; possibly the most standoffish, calculated, and devastatingly gorgeous man you’ve ever met in your life. yet, despite his detestable personality, you still found yourself falling hook, line, and sinker for the man, despite his insults, cold comments, and dismissive attitude.

maybe it’s masochism. 

now that you look back on it, rin’s rejection seemed almost inevitable. even if you lead yourself to hope with all the times you caught him staring at you, the prompt replies to your messages, and willingness to somewhat tolerate you during group projects, it was rather obvious that this would be the outcome to your heartfelt confession. 

‘i don’t see you like that’.

it’s cringeworthy simply thinking about it. now you’re going to have another memory that’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.

recalling the expression he made after your confession; eyebrows scrunched and lips tugged into a slight frown, was traumatising enough for you to wish for the ground to swallow you whole. his face will plague you for an uncertain amount of time because today truly, was so very humbling.

the sight of your bus approaching your stop rouses you from the crevices of your thoughts and after you jump on and settle yourself into a seat in the relatively empty carriage, you bring your phone out to text reo again. he’d sent four messages since.

&lt;reo3: this doesn’t make any sense we all thought rin was into you &lt;reo3: like DOWN BAD into you<reo3: everyone on the team has literally made bets on you two <reo3: i’m sorry :c r u okay?  you: yeah. just gotta take the L and move on you: hey at least i’m free for valentines <reo3: LET’S GOOO we’re definitely doing something <reo3: i’ll be a better valentines than r*n you: you’re sexier too babes xoxo <reo3: duh!

maybe you’ll let reo see another day. 

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

your university schedule was never the same after the ‘itoshi rin’ fiasco.

it was never an amazing schedule to begin with since a few classes were quite inconvenient, and there’s only so much to enjoy out of your seminars. the fun part about them was being able to sit beside rin and talk to him whenever you could without getting waved off, but since his heartless decline of your feelings, acting ‘buddy-buddy’ wouldn’t be acceptable. so you resorted to sit by yourself in a section of the space you’ve never really occupied before, busying yourself on your phone as students walked in to class.

despite the temptation to look at the door to see when rin would come in, you do not budge one bit, eyes glued to your phone screen (which had nothing entertaining on it). this meant that you couldn’t see the confusion on his face when he didn’t see you in your normal spot and how it merged further into a look of offence when he instead spots you across the room.

reluctantly taking his usual seat, rin’s gaze lingers on you, hoping to meet your eyes at least once. but upon your insistence to pretend your phone was more important than him, he sits down, practically flopping onto his chair with his backpack cushioning his fall. 

sitting here feels a little empty. rin can’t help but think how it used to be much better when you insisted on being next to him.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── 

&lt;;reo3: you can come now rin isn’t here yet

you: kk b there soon

the trek across campus towards the university’s soccer field, although long, is harmless enough, especially since you were doing a favour for your best friend by bringing the soccer guards and water bottle that he left at your dorm. the harmful part was the looming threat of itoshi rin’s presence and your fear that you would encounter him on your way. 

all you needed to do was drop in quickly and leave. 

when you get to the field, nagi’s the one who sees you first from where he was lounging on the bleaches, changed in his soccer gear. 

“oh, y/n,” he mumbles, sitting up. “hello.”

“hey nagi. are you trying to nap before practice or something?” you ask.

“yeah.” 

“won’t that drain you though before practice starts? you’ve got like… five minutes.”

“still classified as a power nap. wanna collect a power up before startin’.”

amusing as ever, he is. “sure. hey, you know where reo is?”

“he’s changed, probably warming up with isagi and bachira and whoever else.”

“shouldn’t you be doing that too?”

“not until reo forces me to.”

as if on cue, a friendly and very familiar voice calls out nagi’s name and you’re delighted to see the purple-haired in question. you can finally give him his stupid stuff back; the ones you’ve been holding in your hands this entire time like an idiot.

“come on nagi!” reo exclaims, jogging over. a smile appears on his face when he sees you. “yo! y/n! thanks for bringing my things.”

“‘s not a problem. next time i’ll burn them so don’t leave them again,” you counter as the purple-haired takes his things from you with an eye roll. “i filled up your water bottle for you.” 

he places his things down before sitting beside nagi to put his guards on. “so considerate even whilst terrorising me.”

“of course.”

“seriously though, thank you for bringing my things.”

“not a problem. i’m gonna head back to my dorm to study so i’ll see you later. bye reo, bye nagi,” you wave at the two, fixing your backpack strap before turning around to leave the field, only to bump face-first into someone.

the apology that surfaces on your tongue quickly withers away when you lock eyes with a pair of steely, teal ones, partially hidden by strands of dark hair. he looks at you like he has something to say.

but you’re not ready to hear it. 

“uh, hi rin! gotta go!” you squeak before stepping to the side and running away, leaving rin to stare in bewilderment after you.

part of him has the urge to run after you. 

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

<reo3: isagi’s invited a bunch of us to the on campus screening of spirited away

<reo3: wanna come?

you: ykw why not

you: not like i have essays to write

<reo3: FUCK THEM ESSAYS! 

you: YOU’RE RIGHT SPIRITED AWAY IS BETTER !

if you knew that this would lead you to be seated (uncomfortably) between reo and isagi, who acted as the only barrier between you and an-unnamed-man (rin), then perhaps you would’ve dedicated yourself to your essay rather than a fun opportunity to hang out with your friends. 

1500 words sounds better than having to pretend like there wasn’t an icy cold stare penetrating the back of your head every time you turned to talk to reo, or isagi trying to keep his interactions up with rin so the latter wouldn’t try to talk to you.

you owe isagi a vending machine drink after this because a ‘thank you’ will never suffice. 

it’s easy enough to forget about rin when the movie plays and isagi begins whispering little pieces of commentary to you from time to time, eliciting giggles from you that you try to suppress to not annoy those around you. however, each sound that slipped past your lips was enough to make the dark-haired boy scrunch his face in disgust, an ugly, green monster climbing up his throat when he catches a glimpse of how happy you seemed with someone that wasn’t him. it kills him to see how easily it is for you to just ignore him like your friendship never existed.

since the campus movie was scheduled during a cool but bearable, autumn dusk, you severely underestimated how cold the night would get. heating wasn’t the best in the gymnasium so the committee had instructed everyone to bring their own blankets and warm covers, yet in your haste, you couldn’t bring adequate layers.

so after a while of trying to warm yourself up and convincing yourself that you were warm enough with a measly sweatshirt, rin notices from the corner of his eye how you kept rubbing your arms. 

he doesn’t hesitate to take off the fleece jacket that he was wearing over his university jumper. sure, it will be significantly colder without his outer layer, but rin’s willing to suffer as long as you were okay (when has he ever been this considerate?), except he stops when he sees nagi handing you his very oversized jumper. you accept it with a gracious smile and the white-haired boy merely shrugs before going back to watching the film. rin, on the other hand, feels a cauldron of rage brewing within him.

the sight makes his chest twist, wringing him dry as he stares dejectedly at how snug you seem in someone else’s clothes. the green monster inside of rin bubbles in contempt, a being that makes him want to rip the hoodie off you and replace it with his own for you to wrap yourself up in. he wants you to be content with him- happy because of him, not because of another.

you confessed to him only two weeks ago- barely even two weeks ago, so how could you so easily forget about him and move on? pretend like his rejection didn’t shatter you and him when he saw a devastation like no other on your pretty face?

rin doesn’t know how much longer he can live like this. 

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

the following tuesday, you’re already seated in your new spot for your seminar, busy setting up your laptop in preparation when rin walks in. you see him from the corner of your eye, backpack slung around his shoulder, hands tucked unassumingly in his pockets as all 185cm of him saunters towards the seats. however, when you notice that he bypasses his normal spot and walks even further out of your peripheral vision, alarms blare deafeningly in your head.

you freeze when you hear someone take the seat behind you.

there’s a hard gaze on the back of your head, one that roots you to your spot and wills you not to turn around.

sneaking out your phone from your bag, you hide it so that rin can’t see it from his angle. 

you: RIN IS SITTING BEHIND ME OH NO

you: terrible start to valentines day smh

<reo3: WHAT!??!!???!???! fr.

you: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY I’M GOING TO DISINTEGRATE RIGHT NOW

<reo3: maybe *don’t* do that???? 

<reo3: WHY’S HE SITTING BEHIND YOU?????

you: FUCK IF I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE HE’S THROWING DAGGERS AT MY HEAD

<reo3: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

you: CRY???????????? IDFK???????????

you: oh fuck class is about to start

you: i’ll let you know if anything happens

<reo3: STAY SAFE 

you tuck your phone away with fear and dread looming over you, personified through the form of itoshi rin, who sits so indifferently behind you, head propped on his hand. you hear his pen click behind you and you don’t even need to see him to know that he’s taking out that stupid notebook of his since he preferred to take notes by hand. you want to turn around and rip said book into shreds.

as the professor starts the class, you try your best to shake rin out of your thoughts, wanting to leave him behind in the depths of your mind so you can concentrate on this damn elective. none of the notes you were typing onto your document made sense and it felt like everything the professor was saying went in one ear then out the other. curse rin for having this effect on you. 

at least you get to gossip with reo after this.

though your seminar was only 60 minutes, it might as well have been 60 years because of how significantly older you feel at the end of it. the weight of rin’s stare was heavy on your shoulders when you hurriedly grab your things and make a dash for the exit.

well. you try to make a dash for the exit because somehow, rin gained the ability to teleport and beat you there, grabbing your wrist unceremoniously before pulling you into the hallways. you fumble with your phone, hurriedly texting reo.

you: UHH MAYDAY I MGHT NEEE TO SKIP OUR PLANS

<reo3: WHAT’S HAPPENING?????

you: RIN IS DRSGGING ME SIMEWHERE IDK WHERE

you: MY LOCARION IS ON LIFE360

you: I LUV YOU STUPID WHORE

<reo3: WHDJFWIJAIDJFAWHAT THE FUCK????

“hey!” you exclaim, helplessly being pulled by rin’s long strides, shutting your phone off as you try to match his eagerness. he could at least be a little more considerate and lighten up that grip of his on your wrist. “rin- what? where are we going?”

“you’ll see,” he responds gruffly.

your mind blanks despite the hurricane of questions that circulate your mind. how did you get here? is the delirium finally hitting you after countless sleepless nights? you stayed up until 2am last night to make valentine’s chocolates for your friends so maybe it’s the sugar and the sleep deprivation. 

as rin pulls you through the hallways, you think about how weird it is to allow him this close to you again- well, you didn’t exactly allow him, he kind of just… invaded your personal space. but after a whole week of not talking to him, responding dryly to his texts, avoiding your regular hangout spots, and overall pretending like he doesn’t exist, being exposed to his intimidating presence once more is… exhilarating? unreal? 

“wait, can we stop for a second?” you demand, breaking out of your funk when you step outside as if the harshness of the sun’s rays woke you up. “i’m so confused right now. where are we going?”

“we’re going to have lunch together at that café you’ve been wanting to try out,” he tells you with a serious expression, not breaking his usual aloof and stern personality. 

rin doesn’t give mixed messages: no, he gives messages that have completely been lost, fallen astray somewhere along the path of communication.

shifting your weight between your feet awkwardly, you tell him: “well, i kinda had valentine’s plans.”

his mask of coolness and uninterest cracks, exposing all the emotions he’s been withholding from surfacing for the past weeks; jealousy, envy, greed, they all manifest through the helpless scrunch of his face. “with who?” asks rin, tone a lot harsher than he had intended, matching the crease of his eyebrows and the frown he was wearing.

it’s the green monster in him talking.

if you were going out with someone else, someone new, rin’s not too sure what he’d do. determination and pettiness can only take a man so far before his resolve cracks and you have the power to crush his heart with a single stomp, extinguishing his flames in one, swift sweep. 

“with reo,” you confess. the dark-haired relaxes again, his face returning to a neutral expression.

“okay. ditch him then.” his audacity is baffling.

“i can’t just do that!” 

“why not?”

“cause that’s a shitty thing to do!” you say, before murmuring under your breath, “not that you’d know the first thing about being polite.” 

“i don’t care, it’s reo, you two hang out everyday. tell him to give me a turn.”

“you’re a horrible person, rin,” you murmur, ignoring the butterflies that erupt in your stomach.

he doesn’t say anything in retaliation, merely eyeing you expectantly, waiting for your next step. huffing, you reluctantly take out your phone as a sign of surrender under his suffocating pressure, muttering complaints under your breath as you find reo’s contact - literally your most recent one, to send him a quick message. almost instantly, your best friend responds with a thumbs up paired with a smirk and you almost want to block him then and there. 

“done.”

“perfect,” rin goes to grab your hand again but you retract from him just in time. when you look up to meet his gaze once more, you see his unimpressed expression whilst he keeps his palm extended towards you expectantly.

“i don’t need your help walking places,” you grumble, not liking how fast your heart was racing.

he gestures to his open palm once more. “i know.”

after a moment of silence, you give in, hesitantly placing your hand in his. with a small grin, rin intertwines your fingers before pulling you to his side. without another word, he begins walking, leaving you to merely follow the brutally fast pace he’s set.

you must’ve looked ridiculous to other people. being dragged around by an 185 cm man, how humbling.

the place rin led you to was not too far from campus; a totally manageable distance for the two of you to remain in silence during the walk. you try to bypass the awkwardness of it all by focusing on other things, like how warm rin’s hand is and how you hope he doesn’t mind your sweaty hands. he seems to be content from what you’ve observed, happily walking beside you whilst sparing a few occasional glances over; ones that you pretend you don’t see whilst admiring the cityscape around you.

there are various valentine’s decorations hung up around the insides of the cafe that made you cringe slightly. although they were very cute, you feel humiliation climbing up your throat, serving as a reminder that you were currently spending a day of love and romance, or whatever, standing beside the very man who rejected you. 

this is the cruellest version of a sick joke.

“welcome!” a cheery voice greets, breaking you out of your thoughts. “table for two?” rin nods. “perfect! are you here for valentine’s day because couples get access to a special menu on top of our regular one.” 

when you open your mouth to reject her offer, rin beats you to it. “we’ll take the valentine’s menu.”

“okay, right this way,” the waitress guides you to an empty table for two that was right by the corner. the atmosphere of the place was cozy with various candles and statement pieces to really bring it together, but you have no time or brain space to appreciate the aesthetic of the café. 

it’s not until the waitress leaves that you speak up, utterly confused. “why’d you get the valentine’s menu, we-”

realisation hits you like a truck. 

“-are we on a date right now?”

rin’s unmoving, save for the purse of his lips as he stares at you. you feel a little foolish right now.

“yeah, we are,” he answers, curtly and concisely.

alarms are blaring in your head, the earth is tremoring below you, there are distant screams somewhere in the back of your mind and all you can manage out is a simple ‘oh’. 

“get what you want, i’ll-” rin begins before you abruptly cut him off.

“-no, hold on, i’m so confused right now,” you rub your temples, staring at the stupid valentine’s day menu decorated with pink and hearts and chocolates. “why?”

“why what?”

“why are we on a date?”

“because it’s valentine’s day?”

“well- i know that part,” you murmur under your breath. “it’s just, y’know, people celebrate this day when they like each other.” and not when one party is miserable because the other rejected them. 

“we do like each other though.”

there are no words to describe the shock you feel. really. not even an anvil dropping on your head could wake you up from whatever dream you are conjuring right now. 

“no, we don’t! i like you, you don’t like me.”

he looks away, the tips of his ears turning red. “that’s not true,” he murmurs, no louder than a whisper, yet your jaw drops all the same at his confession. “i do like you.”

“a week ago you didn’t!” 

“a week ago i wasn’t ready to get into a… relationship… or whatever.”

“oh,” you fix the strap of your bag, feeling slightly awkward. “and you’re ready now all of a sudden?”

“yeah.”

“i don’t believe you.”

“the fuck? why?” 

“you don’t really seem like the type of guy to turn around on yourself like this. what changed?”

rin won’t ever tell you about how much he missed you during these two weeks and how it was his jealousy and greediness that spurred him to act on his feelings. instead, he simply slides the menu to you, pointing to a milkshake-‘lover’s brew’, and since the menu was decorated with pictures on the side, you could see what the concoction consisted of. whipped cream, heart sprinkles, topped with a caramel heart and fairy floss. 

“the milkshake?” you ask, trailing off towards the end. “you hate sweet things and this especially looks like it could give you diabetes.”

the dark-haired shrugs. “so? i thought you’d like it.” 

“sure, but it is kinda pricey for a milkshake.”

he shrugs again, putting his elbows on the table which causes his sleeves of his turtleneck to roll down a little, exposing the shiny silver of his, no doubt expensive, watch. “i’ll pay for us, it’s fine.”

“hold on-”

“i’m paying. end of argument.” 

it’s an offer you can’t really reject. being a university student and all, funds are limited, so wherever you can, you want to avoid withdrawing money out of your account. that said, it doesn’t mean that you don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about draining rin’s, but with how long you’ve been friends, you know that once he’s set his mind to something, it’s hard to change it.

“if you insist,” you grumble, straightening up your spine as you awkwardly fiddle with your shirt. you feel so scrutinised under his gaze, even as you reach for the jug of water and pour two cups of water. “what else should we get?”

the waitress then comes around to take your orders and when she’s gone, conversation flows easily, reverting back to how things were between the two of you (to rin’s relief). he listens as you talk animatedly about the unfortunate series of events you had with your professor the other day, how cute your encounter with the campus dogs were, and the really unfortunate run-in you had with a guy from your shared tutorial classes.

(the dark-haired boy makes a face when you mention another man’s name before his usual face of indifference melts back in.)

“here’s your milkshake,” the waitress says, placing the drink in the middle of the table before walking away, “you guys are really cute by the way.”

“thanks,” rin says calmly, a stark contrast to your flustered reaction.

two straws stick out from the milkshake and when you put one in your mouth, you almost choke when rin takes the other one, causing your noses to bump in the middle. the look he gives you is nothing short of mischievous before pulling away, a knowing smirk playing along his lips. 

“ew. that is really sweet,” he mutters before leaning back, crossing his arms. 

“yeah,” you cough. “it is really sweet.”

recovering from your embarrassment, the rest of lunch goes by quite seamlessly. he goes to pay for everything with a confident tap of his card, causing you to stand awkwardly behind him, keeping all complaints to yourself as it goes through. thanking the waitress, you leave the café hand-in-hand once more. 

“thanks again for paying,” you repeat and rin gives a hum of acknowledgement whilst you two walk aimlessly on the path. “what do you want to do now?”

“i don’t know. do you have anything you want to do?”

“i might have an idea.”

leading him in the direction of a nearby store that just opened recently, you come to a stop in front of a shop that had neon-lights illuminating its inside and claw machines filled with adorable plushies lining along the walls. 

glancing at him, there’s a glimmer of amusement in rin’s eyes as his lips turn upwards into a small smirk. “really?” he asks, looking over at you.

“really. this’ll be fun!” you promise before walking in, the dark-haired following suit as you stop in front of a token-purchasing machine. 

from the corner of your eye, you can see him taking out his wallet already and you immediately put your hand on your wrist, ceasing his movement.

with just one glance, a whole conversation passes between you two. “if you pay for me i will sock you.”

“i’d like to see you try,” he deadpans, quirking a brow before pressing the ‘20 tokens = $19’ button on the machine, “but i’m paying.”

then the sound of his card meeting the reader and the transaction being approved rings through the air, followed by the deafening noise of coins clashing against metal. the look he gives you is nothing short of proud. 

“come on babe, bet you won’t be able to get any prizes,” challenges rin as he brushes past you, the pet name causing your stomach to churn as insults rest on your tongue, offended by his declaration.

he’s gracious enough to give you half of the coins, allowing you to play four games each. you only manage to win on one of them and even then, you were astonished at your own achievements, excitedly grabbing the plushie and hugging the stuffed toy to your chest protectively. rin, on the other hand, comes back to you with two in both hands and the gawk you let out was completely against your will.

“how did you do that?” you ask, a little stupified at the sight (it was kinda hot though). although at this point, you shouldn’t really question how itoshi rin works since he takes the meaning of ‘march to the beat of your own drum’ to a whole other level. 

instead of answering, he hands them over to you and you have no choice but to take them, your arms now overloaded with three stuffed toys. 

before you can even open your mouth to ask if he broke into the machines, your phone buzzes with a notification and the second you open it, you’re met with a familiar ‘⚠️bereal’ banner, one that makes you excited over the impeccable timing. rin raises an eyebrow at your sudden surprise.

“bereal! quick, pose!” you demand and rin obeys, raising a peace sign with a slight smile before the camera turns around to you and the many stuffed toys you’re cuddling. 

how adorable you are might just kill him. 

the dark-haired shakes the thought away before taking out his phone, instructing you to smile. you pose for the photo, hugging all the plushies closely to your chest whilst rin gives his usual deadpan stare into the camera. he then gives you his phone to check if it was okay to post and when you approve, you press the ‘post >’ button for him.

shutting off his phone for him, it’s at the same time that the bereal notification pops up again, this time detailing how one of his friends had posted but that’s not what caught your attention.

it’s a certain photo that made your heart thump loudly in its ribcage.

“am i your lockscreen?” you ask, pride and flattery swelling in your stomach, manifesting through the warmth of your cheeks. 

the slight widening of his eyes give you all the answers you need. “you weren’t supposed to see that.” 

nothing could stop the slow grin from erupting on your expression. it’s ridiculous to say so, but it almost feels like a weight is being lifted from your chest, the pains of the last few weeks erasing themselves completely with this one detail. 

that’s how you know rin was meant for you.

“out of all pictures of me, you chose this one?” you question, gesturing to the selfie that you once sent him during your study sessions. your hair was messy, there was a semi-crazed look in your eyes, but at least the moisturising lip gloss you had reapplied then made you look somewhat put together. 

looking at his phone once more, you feel a little warm.

“i like it,” he mutters shyly, unable to look you in the eye. despite his embarrassment, his statement fills you with endless relief, providing gratification for your relationship with rin that you didn’t know you needed. 

though you’ve been friends with him for quite some time now, you feel as though you don’t really recognise the man in front of you. past perceptions you’ve had of him has now been shattered by his flustered gaze, the relentless blush coating his cheeks, and the uncharacteristic way he slumps, as if defending himself from any judgement you might throw at him. 

luckily for him, that’s not what you’re interested in doing.

unlocking your phone, you hand it to him. “take a matching selfie so i can make it my lock screen too.”

at least you have all the time in the world to get to know him all over again.

(rin will never tell you that he only has been active on bereal so he could see what you were up to. except it backfired every time because instead of satisfying how desperately he was longing for you during your two weeks of no contact, it only made him want you more. he wanted to be there with you through your intense study sessions, he wanted to be going on walks with you, he wanted to be there with you when you were watching one more episode of your favourite tv show before going to bed, he just wanted to be there with you.

now he has all the time to make sure he is.)

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[@y/n’s BeReal]

@ karasu69: @fruityninjaotoya YOU OWE ME TWENTY BUCKS 　　→ @fruitninjaotoya: Shut your micropenis up

@ yocchan: Y/N WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS 　　→ @ nagixxxxxxxxxxxxx: ratio 　　→ @ yocchan: DON’T RATIO ME RN

@monsterbachira: omg are y’all 😍❤️😍 rn 　　→ @y/n: wut. 　　→ @itshrin: Yes 　　→ @monsterbachira: y/n rin is actually a good kisser 　　→ @y/n: thanks for letting me know meguru! 　　→ @itshrin: i’m going to end you. 

@bbgreo: i’m glad y’all had fun but no itoshi rin on our platonic date pls! 　　→ @y/n: would never dream of it luv <3 　　→ @itshrin: Sleep with one eye open, Reo 　　→ @y/n: that’s my best friend :( 　　→ @itshrin: You don’t need him 　　→ @y/n: reo and i are one you can’t separate us 　　→ @itshrin: Ok fine 😒 　　→ @bbgreo: yay! 　　→ @y/n: yay!

<reo3: told you you were too pretty to reject xx

Que sera, sera

♡ˋ°•*⁀➷Rin itoshi x reader

Summary: the story which dives in the beginning and the end of you and rin. He doesn't believe in miracles, though he thinks you are one. He's thankful that what will be, will be. And its you and him.

Warnings: none, fluff to angst, angst to fluff. Childhood friends to strangers to lovers. Slow burn, maybe not i dont know. Happy ending.

A/n: GAAAHHHHHH SORRY I WAS SO TIRED I COULDN'T FINISH THIS ON VALENTINES DAY AWWW MANNN. Its also been a long time since i wrote fics so bear with me with this one and it ain't proofread plss.

For the longest time, Itoshi Rin treated you like shit. Muttering how everything about you is lukewarm and how everything you say is nonsense.

You still remember when you two first met in the playground, at that time Sae never left him yet, Rin still having those chubby cheeks as he runs around in the playground, happily dribbling the ball when the ball suddenly hits your knee.

"O-ow!" You groaned in pain, before you burst into tears as your left knee reddens.

The boy at the swing runs towards you, "Are you okay?" He asks you, he looks concerned for you as guilt creeps up as he doesn't know what to do when sees you cry.

You were a sobbing mess on the floor as the aching got worse, Rin kept a distance before grabbing the playground sand and pouring it at your ankle, "sorry…"

The little boy trying to help you up when you two heard footsteps coming closer, Rin panicking as he realizes it's his brother walking towards them.

Rin stares at the ground when Sae scolds him for being too careless, the little boy now crying with you.

"You two should make up before the adults hear about this, Rin you go and get the first-aid kit and candy, I'll watch after them." The red-head yells as Rin bolts to their house. Later coming back with the first-aid kit and candy, watching his older brother do the work and rub medicine on your scraped knee. As the older boy treated your knee, your eyes met the culprit's gaze, he turned away in shame as tiny sobs left his lips from Sae scolding him earlier.

After that incident, you get a scraped knee, some candy and two new friends. Let's just say Rin's parents weren't too happy when they found out what happened.

The next day, Rin rings your doorbell as he asks your parents where you were, calling you downstairs as you excitedly run towards the gate.

"Oh you're back! What's that in your hand?" Younger you asked Rin as he fiddles a tiny bag in his hands; clearly anxious from yesterday.

The boy gulps before taking a deep breath and awkwardly handing you a bag full of chocolates, "I'm sorry for yesterday.."

Rin closes his eyes as he waits for some sort of punishment until he feels you hug him.

"Heh! No worries, these are my favorite chocolates so you're forgiven."

"Really?" His eyes beam in joy.

"Yup! This chocolate tastes good! Where'd ya get it?" You ask while munching away happily.

"My brother actually has a bowl of candy… you can come over and you can eat more chocolate there."

Your lips curled into a smile before you shook his hand, "what's your name again?"

"Rin."

"Awesome! I'm [name] by the way!"

As you sweep the floor, your broom brushes an old polaroid; it was from 18 years ago. You and Rin were cuddling in Sae's bed, not knowing Sae sneaked in a picture.

Smiling at the picture you reminisce again.

It was summer at that time. Luckily Rin's parents weren't home so you two had the whole house to yourselves.

"Mmm!" Stretching your limbs as you two lie on the couch, playing some mario kart while Sae prepares lunch for the three of you.

The aggressive pressing of the controllers and smell of fruits in the kitchen; you can remember it all perfectly.

"I'm gonna beat you, just you wait—! Hey!" Rin yells when you start tickling him and successfully taking the lead, making Rin's character fall off the map.

Rin's demise eliciting a loud giggle from your lips as you beat his ass after a whole hour of trying to one up each other.

Rin is fuming with anger as he complains to Sae, "No fair! You're cheating! Sae don't give her any chocolates! You're a cheater!"

"Bleh! You're just bad!"

Sae groans in annoyance as he prepares the table, "You two get over here and stop fighting or else I won't let you two play."

You two pout and start glaring at each other.

"That's right midget." You tease him before sitting right next to him, grabbing a plate of spaghetti.

"Shut up! I'm gonna be taller than you, just you wait!" Rin sticks his tongue out, teasing you with confidence but Sae gives you two an icy-glare, indicating that you two should just stop fighting.

"Rin, [name]."

"Y-yes!" Both of you stop fighting, at least not In Front of Sae. Hours go by and the night sky settles in.

Plopping in his bed while staring at all his trophies, "damn rin you won all these?"

Rin doesn't reply, fixing the bed sheets before lying next to you; letting out a small hmph.

You sigh, and make him turn around to face you. "Rin. Sorry for earlier."

Rin rolls his eyes, "lukewarm" he mutters under his breath.

After that you two look away and fall asleep. When Sae comes in however, he sees you two cuddling like kittens. Sae smirks to himself before grabbing his phone, taking a picture— close ups even so he can use this as blackmail later on. Let's just say you both did not enjoy waking up in each other's arms; spoiler alert: Rin actually did.

A few years pass by and you two find each other laying on the park, star gazing. These days Rin gets too lonely, his brother moving to Spain to chase after his career.

"S-so… Rin are you okay?"

The boy right next to you stares at the stars, ignoring your voice calling out for him.

Sighing in defeat, knowing Rin isn't in the mood to talk right now.

"I'm nervous actually, about the future." You say before clearing your throat.

Rin turns around and looks at you, "and?"

The stars were lovely, lovelier than anything you've ever seen.

"It just feels like time flies by so quickly, all of the sudden Sae is in Spain and now we're just- ya know… here."

Rin doesn't say a word again, only listening to the rustling of the leaves as it sways with the wind.

"I just wish we had more time. What if something bad happens in the future and we're not friends anymore?"

Rin sits up before flicking your forehead, "Hey what was that for?!"

"To stop your lukewarm talking, stop worrying about the future— I started learning some Spanish so when Sae comes back I can greet him and.."

He looks back at you, nervous and shaking; tears welling up in his eyes. He misses Sae too much.

You tap his shoulder lightly, pushing him to continue what he wants to say.

"Que sera, sera I think? I searched it up and it means whatever will be, will be. So stop worrying too much, you idiot" he rolls his eyes, trying to stop the tears from leaving his eyes.

The world felt peaceful like this, only you and him; the moon and stars as your witness.

A few years later Sae comes back though it didn't go as expected. You two were ecstatic when Sae came back but he changed. After that Rin and Sae were no longer 'Rin and Sae'; now they were just strangers.

Sae was a catalyst for what Rin would become. Rin stopped eating chocolates. Rin would overexert his body from practice and when you two talk it's nothing more than just 'hello'.

Needless to say you were hurt. This wasn't the Rin you knew, the new him is now an empty shell of what he used to be; no— the old Rin died when Sae came back and now you're left to mourn alone for the old him.

You don't watch Rin's practice anymore; you couldn't bear to see that bitter expression written on his face as he tries and tries to practice more just to catch up to his brother.

Months later, Rin was accepted to blue lock. He was gone again for months.

Staring at the small tv screen when you watch the U20 vs Blue lock match.

The camera pans over to Rin disheveled, on his knees when Sae comes over to him. You wonder what happened between them when they met again on the field that caused Rin to be beyond irritated even though his team won.

A week later, Rin comes back to the neighborhood park, kicking the football with tears in his eyes. Pouring all his anger on the ball, almost deflating the ball in the process.

A gust of wind blows on your face before you utter a weak 'hi'. It was like a teen romcom cliche but the thing is there was no chemistry anymore.

At Least… that you thought that there wasn't.

"Go away." He groans, fixing his shoe tie and running off to get the ball.

"I saw the game." You yell trying to get his attention. He kicks the ball again but this time with more force, the ball ricocheting and bouncing on the fences. "You did great."

Two words almost fell from your lips but cleared your throat, trying to make sure the 'Im proud' doesn't spill from your lips as maybe your tears will too.

Rin quirks his face into an expression you can't describe. Anger? Hatred? But when you stare longer at his eyes, watch how his chest heaves up and down shakily you can see a hint of sadness— as if he was a ripped doll, his heart torn apart, left to rot. He would never admit it but the way you stare at him with such pity, angers him. It makes his torn heart beat rapidly and his lungs bruise more, waiting for you to sew him up again; fixing him.

But he would never admit it, his ego warped mind and his dying heart. He doesn't notice it but he feels alive when he sees you again.

He doesn't know what to do when you stare at him with pity. The small child locked away a long time ago in the corners of his soul begging him to let it all out and cry in your arms; maybe you could see how he's hurting and maybe you'll stitch him up again.

But you don't. At least not now.

He shivers from the cold air, he's glad it's winter as the cold weather could freeze his tears away before you even see it. But it's not cold enough to turn his tears into icicles as he sheds a tiny tear, he swears if he could just open up to you, you would catch it.

His ragged breathing, his worried expression, the tears threatening to leak from his eyes all of it. You ingrain all of it in your mind, burning this memory into your brain.

You want to run towards him, hug him, comfort him like you did as a child. Your arms aching to hold his trembling figure but you don't, fearing it might ignite more tension between you two. So you just watch as he tries to hold back his tears right in front of you.

You say nothing and hand over a piece of chocolate. Watching him accept it and eating one for the first time, oh how he's forgotten the taste of this treat.

There was a silent agreement with you two. A simple nod and you two go back to your own paths now, wondering how the other one is doing right now.

Months pass by again and this time Rin won the world cup but you notice a change in him, a spark reignited in him. The same old spark when he first started playing football.

You couldn't afford to go to the actual world cup so you watch the match on your tv screen. Seeing him in person is better but never seeing him at all even on a screen is worse.

Months ago Rin would be red in anger, you don't know why but it feels like you should've done something. But now, even on the screen you could see him smile for the first time as he shakes hands with Sae.

Letting out a sigh of relief, maybe Rin is fixed, maybe he was the same rin back then. Maybe, just maybe you two could be on good terms again.

Then it happened.

You see Rin again at the park. The neighbors were talking about how the itoshi brothers were going back to the neighbor so you went to the park; this is where Rin has always been.

A leaf falls to your side and at that moment Rin notices your presence. Anxiety bubbling in his chest, he knows what he's done to you. He's scared that you'll never forgive him for how he treated you.

"I'm uh.." you stutter, the words stuck in your throat. Looking down in shame, if you only said this back then maybe you had a chance to fix him. He looks at you, he doesn't look as broken as before. His eyes no longer bear hatred, only melancholy and guilt.

"I'm proud. I'm proud of you." You've finally let the words out, the ones that have been dying to be said.

Silence.

Rin has never been good with words and neither have you. Rin doesn't say anything, he stands up and kicks the football to the tree. That tree has been there for as long as you remember. It was the sign of your pact, your friendship.

He shoves his hand in his pocket, trying to find something. It takes him a while and he pulls out a tiny treat.

It was that same chocolate he first gave you as a child.

Que sera, sera right?

What will be, will be.

From the beginning it was you and Rin. In the end it will always be you and Rin.

You stretch your back after finishing sweeping and dusting the living room. Your shared house should get some renovations by now but oh well, Rin's schedule has never been that generous to give you both enough time.

The warm sun hits your skin as you walk to the garden and tend to the flowers. After you and Rin hit it off he started to plant your favorite flowers in your garden, so even if it weren't valentines day, he'd still have enough flowers to give you every day.

"I'm home." That familiar voice echoes in the room, the door creaking open.

You chuckle as you place the broom away, "Hard day?"

He nods and hugs you, his wedding ring hitting your back as he hugs too tightly. He lets out a small giggle when you pepper his face with kisses.

You threw the curtain at his chest as he raised an eyebrow, "Rin, we should really renovate and shop for new stuff— these things are getting a little too wonky don't you think?"

He lets out a sigh, he barely notices the condition of the house when he's out for months. "Fine, fine. We're going out later"

Your lips quirk into a smile. Oh how lucky you are to be with him. The way he treated you like a deity, praising the floor you step foot on. Caring for you and treating you kindly, gently even as a way to pay back what you did for him. You stitched his torn heart back up, sure the scars will stay forever but he learnt how to cherish it because it brought him to you.

"Rin, help me with this thing— it's too heavy!"

He rushes to your side and hastily carries all the heavy luggage and boxes, helping you out as you two laugh and talk about your day.

He was an idiot, he forgot it was valentines day, no wonder why you were so pouty. Rin will just make it up to you later.

Que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

It will always be You and Rin. Nothing more, nothing less.

- La fin♡

Note: so so sorry if this has so many mistakes, i just started writing again and this is just practice. English is not my first language. ♡

I LOVE THIS HELLO???????

✎Regret, love and death

Itoshi Rin, Itoshi Sae, Michael Kaiser x g/n!reader

Summary: The bllk boys break up with you not knowing you're terminally ill and they meet you again but this time you're dying right in front of them.

Warning: Angst, no fluff, breakup and breakdown, death, grief

A/n: this is super cliche ik but this has been on my mind for months now, it's time i actually write about it. Listening to ditto while making this. I tried to make it g/n so bear with me

Itoshi Rin

"Stay in the middle, like you a little"

Itoshi Rin who left you months ago after a stupid argument he wishes he could've prevented. He tells himself that he doesn't need you anymore and that he'll never open up his heart again.

Itoshi Rin who gets mad when he sees happy couples, he swears it's anger and jealousy but it's mostly confusion and betrayal. He believed that it was your fault that he became this vulnerable but he willingly gave his heart to you.

Being a professional athlete like Itoshi Rin it's common to regularly get some injuries here and there so he visits the hospital.

He waited patiently right outside his clinic, an earbud in one ear and he listened to the environment around him. Squeaky wheelchairs, cries from a hospital room nearby and patients conversing in daily chit-chat. The line at the clinic was taking too long so he decided he'll go next time; but something caught his eye. The soles of his shoes clack on the marble floor at the empty hallway and the music he's listening to but he hears the faint beating of a heart monitor. Then, he sees your name in one hospital room.

He couldn't believe his eyes. There was a folder attached loosely on the door, your name written in lazy cursive and numerous descriptions he couldn't understand. Rereading and rereading the name on the folder over and over again, his eyes narrowed as he decided to look over to the glass window at the door; he saw you. Rin doesn't understand why you were here and why the folder was marked "terminal— confined" . The writings are too messy for him to understand but his heart beats loudly through his body like a gong.

He tries to convince himself it's probably someone else but he knew you too much to know that the one stuck in that wrinkly hospital bed was you.

He has to go, he has to but he doesn't. He takes a deep breath and opens the door. You open your eyes as you realize your peace was disturbed from the loud creaking of the door. You scrunch your nose and blink your eyes as you take a look at the figure standing at the side of your bed, it was Rin.

"You… why are you here?" He whispered, you could barely hear him but he stared down at you with pity, anger, grief— you don't know.

"I should be the one asking you that." Your voice was muffled by the oxygen mask strapped to your head as you sat yourself up and looked up to him, he tried to avoid your gaze as he looked over to the IVs inserted into your wrists, wires everywhere he was sure he almost stepped on one.

Rin furrowed his brows in irritation, all this pent up anger from the break up bursting all at once, "What the fuck happened to you?"

You gave him a weak smile, "A week before we broke up… I was diagnosed with a heart disease. I couldn't tell you what happened to me, then we fought but I was too scared and stressed I broke things off."

Rin breathes raggedly, fear and guilt flooding his senses; wondering why he was such an idiot to leave you.

"Will you get better?"

You smile again at his stupidity, you know he's seen the document attached at the door saying 'patient in hospice' but Rin wants to hear it from you, he wants you to confirm his thoughts. Maybe even deny it so he'll feel better. You feel tears drip down your arm as you watch him shaken like he's seen a ghost.

"I won't, so go now."

Rin wants to pour out all his emotions, everything welling up inside his heart— the thoughts brewing in the depths of his heart that ate him alive from the time you were seperated but he holds himself back.

His knees buckled and his strength prior to this incident dissipated into nothing as he held onto his remaining resolve. Like the coward he always was, he leaves and never comes back… but he will come back to you eventually; with a chrysanthemum in hand this time and a fresh black suit he picked out.

Itoshi Sae

"Don't want no riddle, Say it, Say it back"

Itoshi Sae who visits Japan for the first time in months, only going back to renew his passport.

It wasn't his intention to pass by your old friend group in public, he eavesdropped on their mindless conversation then they started talking about you.

Itoshi Sae listens to their conversation, getting some details about you. Hearing that you got confined somewhere and that there was no one to take care of you other than the nurses and hospice workers stationed at your room.

Itoshi Sae who tries to keep that newfound information out of his mind but the thought of you being confined in a hospital is making his heart race. Not in love nor from the butterflies he used to get when talking to you— no. He couldn't stop thinking of you. He promised to himself to never interact with you, avoid every single thing that reminded him of you but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

Itoshi Sae who visits the hospital and asks where you are, pretending that he was a visitor to the nurses was easier than he thought.

"Are you asking about that patient?"

He nodded, the nurse was stupid enough to fall for his charms as she sent him the directions to your room. Sae knows what dangerous game he's playing, if he comes back to you again then it defeats the purpose of avoiding you forever like he promised himself but he still goes.

It was a nice afternoon, birds chirping and he saw little children from the nursery running around in the hallways with toys in their hands. He mentally prepared himself for what he was about to see, turning away from your hospital room for a moment before entering.

His eyes softened for a moment when he laid his eyes on you, you were reading a book— an eerie one at that. Sae raised an eyebrow when he noticed that you didn't hear him enter, what if you were deliberately ignoring him? He was sure you were but he didn't catch your attention until he stepped closer to your bed, a shadow looming over you as you slowly looked up to him.

The two of you stare at each other for what it felt like forever, he's still looking at you like that. Love in his irises but there's a tint of melancholy.

You could see Sae saying something to you, you tried to read his lips but his words fell on deaf ears.

Sae was getting irritated on why you didn't respond but you took the white board that was resting on your bedside table. He patiently watched you write something on the board, clack, clack, clack.

'Im deaf. I can't hear you.'

Just months ago you were fine but he gets more ill with worry when his mind starts to drift and wonder what could've happened to you when he left you here all alone.

You erased the writing on the board, giddily like a child as you handed him the board next, signaling him to also write you something.

The athlete hesitated for a moment before grabbing the board off your hands, writing something hastily. He feels like if he wasted any more time he'll lose everything— but he knew that he already did the moment when he called it quits months ago.

'What happened', he wrote on the board, streaks of ink staining his palm but that's the least of his worries.

You sat up in a more comfortable position before opening the drawer, taking a clipboard, medical documents clipped to the board. Sae reads the papers, his throat starts burning and he feels tears building up in his eyes. He flips through the papers, information about your condition printed on the tiny pieces of paper as he reads through everything.

You couldn't understand what he was muttering under his breath but you were sure it was something… the way he bit his lip to hold back the tears and the way his hands got sweaty as he scanned the board.

Sae loved many things, you, soccer, coffee and the beach. There was something about hospitals that made him uneasy. Hospitals correlated to injury and death— a big no no for him. But as an athlete, a pro one at that it's not surprising that he regularly visits the hospital for nutrition advice or medicine. Though… this one was his worst visit yet. He told himself that he won't ever cry or love you again, that's why it's 'Sae loved' but he realizes he still loves you. Even though you're stuck on the hospital bed, sickly and dying, your arms littered with scars from the tubes that go in and out your skin and maybe the way you look so frail and skinny now compared to what you looked like months ago; he still loves you. He realized that in this moment he's always going to be looking for you the way you pathetically looked for him in the hospital, wishing he was there after you two broke up.

At least now the gods were merciful enough to grace you with his presence for the last time, even in this situation you still smiled at him like he deserved to see that again.

Itoshi Sae who visits you again tomorrow before you pull off the plug, Pain plastered on his face as he holds you tightly. He broke his promise.

To you, to never hurt you.

To himself, to never love you again.

Michael Kaiser

"Oh say it ditto, Can't wait till the morning, So say it ditto"

Michael Kaiser pretends he's fine after the break up and to distract himself from the pain, he dates other people— looking for someone who can fill the void you carved in his heart, looking for you.

Michael Kaiser who still wears the cardigan you bought him, giving him solace and comfort when he curls up in his bed alone, wishing you were there with him.

You and Kaiser didn't break up on bad terms, more like a confusing and neutral breakup. He told you he was done and you didn't beg him to stay, after all he neglected you for his selfish desires. He's like an icarus who has flown too close to the sun, his ego representing the melting wax wings of icarus— it burned your skin and melted your patience.

Michael Kaiser still stalks you in his other account you forgot that existed. He wouldn't admit it but he patiently waited for an update on your account.

Michael Kaiser who stalks your account and finally sees something. Your parents' post talking about you being stuck in the hospital.

Michael Kaiser doesn't cry, he can't. Images on the posts ingraining— burning itself in the deepest parts of his brain then it triggers something in him. Confusion.

He doesn't know the exact details of your situation but he's too curious to scroll past the post.

Michael Kaiser who gets a cab and arrives at your hospital, like a man with no shame he looks for your room.

It was nighttime and the hospital was uncannily quiet, he wasn't sure why but the guard was doing a terrible job at guarding the entrance of the hospital. Kaiser walks past the sleepy guard, ignoring the thumping sound of the guard falling on the floor as he makes his way to the lady on the desk.

"What brings you in here, sir?"

He pushes up his glasses, "I'm looking for my lover, [patient name]", he says boldly, lying through his teeth but he knows it's the only way they'll let him in.

"Give me a minute," the nurse starts flipping through the hospital log book, "They're at room 405, third floor."

Kaiser nods, thanking the nurse as he takes the elevator.

'ding' Kaiser enters the elevator, checking his watch while waiting for it to arrive at the third floor. The elevator was dimmed and it looked like a scene straight from horror movies, another old lady in a wheelchair strolls to the elevator.

"What's a handsome young man like you doing in the dead of the night here?" The grandma says in a hoarse voice, grey hairs covering her face as she holds onto both her wheelchair and fruits.

Though Kaiser is an asshole, a liar, he naturally had a soft spot for children and the elderly. "I'm here for my… lover" he doesn't know what gave it away but the older woman noticed the hesitance in his voice.

The grandma nodded at his reply, 'ding!'

"I guess this is my stop." Kaiser stepped out of the elevator, waving goodbye to the elderly woman and ambled in the hallway.

The scent of disinfectant invaded his nostrils, though the smell gets more diverse as he passes by different hospital rooms. He hears people screaming and crying at the room to his left and the other room dead silent, as if a corpse inhabited the room to his right.

Sweat starts trickling down his forehead when he counts the hospital room's numbers and realizes he's getting closer to yours. 'shit, shit, shit' his mind spiralling into madness, anxiety as he braces himself for what he's about to see.

His legs started to feel like jelly as his feet dragged him in front of your hospital room. A feeling of uncertainty, something he never felt again after breaking up with you.

Months ago when you two broke up he wondered if maybe you'd crawl back to him, like a child who ran away but comes home again the day after, but you didn't.

The door pulled open as he made his way inside, the lights were turned off but the sound of humming took him by surprise.

"I can hear you, you know."

Oh, that voice. That voice that could soothe him on days like these, your voice so gentle he thinks it's a sweet melody, a lullaby so sweet it would bring the devil down on his knees begging and repenting for forgiveness if he ever heard your voice.

The German boy doesn't come forward, only staring at your disheveled figure on the bed, waiting for death themselves to take you away from your misery.

"Have you eaten yet?"

Your fingers traced the lamp before finding the switch, making a flick sound as the soft illuminating glow lights up the room. You nod as you sit up, hugging yourself as you find comfort in the bandages that wrapped around your body.

"I'm sorry." It was the first time he's ever said this to you in ages, he wished he said this to you back then, he wishes that he was there for you.

Maybe he was the devil, cruel and mean, strong yet so weak. His knees buckled as he let out a choked sob, his fears that builded up couldn't hold in much longer as tears streamed down his face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kaiser says in between his sobs, the prideful man being broken down into a pathetic, crying mess.

Your fingers fiddled together in anxiety, you always had that stupid habit of yours when in distress. As much as you couldn't forgive Kaiser— he's too weak, too vulnerable for you to ignore.

Still Kaiser was shameless but not too shameless to go even a few inches closer to your bed, his mind racing— thinking that everything is all his fault as his heart rate goes up.

"Why should I? We're not even together." His chest tightens, if anyone could see him right now they'd think he's a fucking idiot— crying over the dying lover he left to rot in the hospital? Piece of shit.

"Yeah I know." He tries to calm himself down but he knows it's useless when you pick up on his uneasy behavior.

Kaiser wanted to ask you, 'let's get back together?' or maybe 'please forgive me' because he's a shameless prick but it's the first time he doesn't let his pride take over his senses.

He grieves right in front of you, your eyes never leaving his as his body language is signaling you, begging you to say something but it's better that you didn't.

He has all the time in the world to grieve for you after all, he's a shameless, selfish man… isn't he?

Notes: hell nah i'm sorry if there was so many grammar mistakes and stuff this isn't really proofread and i'm thinking of opening requests so like uh what do you guys think should i open requests

Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡

where the fuck did all smau writers last yr august-december go.. pls im rotting in ur taglist imy

mao so bitter thsi is why y/n never looks your way /j 🥱

¡! ❝ REDAMANCY .. ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [16] ur excused 👹👹 ❞ | m. list | prev. | next

natsume sakasaki x reader smau

warning(s) : cussing,

╰┈➤ synopsis  ❝after yumenosaki academy resident magician and eccentric sakasaki natsume asks you to “go out with him”, you immediately shut him down. so why is he dedicating a song to you at a switch concert? and why are people whispering about you being the cutest couple?❞

ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @miihai @shionszz @ikasaeki @zephestia @1072v @drihihihi @homonatsume @lialibrary @hugs4shizu @mikctp @emikoisdead @ara-arashi @disa-ster @tjjjrsj @solemn-soliloquy @bxkugzo @buns-inhiding @calxrein @gxwesn // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

ding!

. . . miya atsumu. late night blues.

contrary to popular belief, atsumu’s social battery is not at all long-lasting.

sure, he was well-known all throughout his school, could hold a conversation to a degree, and is often seen with a lazy smile on his face as he greets his schoolmates and fans alike, but that did not mean that he didn’t get exhausted by maintaining his social quota to a higher level.

and when his social battery is leeched dry, you can immediately tell.

“what’s up, buttercup?” you quietly ask, linking your arm with atsumu’s as you two continue on with your late-night walk together.

it’s the little signs that you notice even amidst the dark surroundings. his nose scrunches ever so slightly, his mouth thins to a small pout, and he unmistakenly goes quiet all of a sudden—no matter what he was talking about prior.

“tired‘s’all,” he answers, a soft sigh emitting from him.

you hum, knowing better than to push it. “wanna head back? i can walk you home.”

“no, no.” atsumu shook his head in reply to your suggestion. “i still wanna stay with ya,” he tells you, finding solace in how the evening wind feels against his face, nearing hyogo’s idle public parks. “humor me for a moment, yeah?”

“shoot,” you snort.

he’s careful with his words.

“d’ya love me?”

“of course,” you answer without even the slightest hint of hesitation. “i love you so, so much, ‘tsum.”

he feels your grip on his hand become firm, yet it still carried that gentleness he knew and love. atsumu visibly relaxes, and a short breath of relief exhales through his mouth.

“what brought this up, hm?”

“dunno,” he answers truthfully. “just wanted ta ask.”

“‘tsumu.”

“y/n.”

“‘tsum.”

“y/n.”

“is that all there is to it?” you ask him once more. “because if something’s bothering you, you know that you can talk to me about it, right?”

“mhm,” he nods. “was a tad bit—well, felt—insecure for a second there.”

another thing was that when atsumu’s social battery ran low, it brought out impulsive thoughts that he thought had never bothered him before. those thoughts that he tried to shrug off with one of his signature quipbacks and whatnot begin to resurface once he feels vulnerable and exhausted.

“well, i love you very, very much, ‘tsum.”

“even if i do corny shit just to gain yer attention?”

“yes.”

“even if i spam your messages once class and practice is over?”

“yes.”

“even if i sometimes sulk about being the lesser twin?”

“miya atsumu,” you say, cupping his cheek. “there is no such thing as being the lesser twin when you and your brother are mentioned in the same light, ok?”

he doesn’t look entirely convinced.

“you are you, and your brother is your brother. you may be identical, but your personality is different, your handwriting is different, and how you perceive things in life is different,” you explain, steady with what you say to get your point across.

“but that doesn’t make you the ‘lesser’ twin just because he’s a bit more levelheaded, y’know?”

atsumu made a small whining sound.

“you’re miya atsumu, and you’re the only you in this world; d’ya get me?” you chuckle, peppering kisses all over his face. “you’re unique because you’re you.”

and your boyfriend practically melts and basks in your attention. reassured, and loved.

just as it should be.

noomon © 2023. do not copy, modify, or translate my work.