The Sheer Number Of Kids Who Are Straight Up Putting Their Real Names And Ages And Location In Their

Update (hey, the blog's not dead!)

Sorry for not posting anything for a while gang.

Got really unmotivated (for related and unrelated reasons, it's complicated) and then started A New Job which has grabbed a lot of my time.

In good news, I made my first ever roast chicken not too long ago! I'm hoping to have a shorter than normal post done for that soon-ish(tm).

It's not gonna be a step-by-step post like usual but I followed Binging With Babish's video/recipe which is really easy to follow, so I'll just include the link to that.

See y'all Soon(tm)! I've got some stuff I wanna reblog in the meantime so have fun with that

Delzoun "Tide-Me-Overs"

“While these are customary consumables at Hornmoot, the traditional human-dwarven trading festival that marks the dawn of Spring, there isn’t a holiday on the eventful dwarven calendar that doesn’t feature these scrumptious meats on the menu.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 90

Personally, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more dwarven food than the good old-fashioned meatball. 

Heroes’ Feast’s Delzoun “Tide-Me-Overs” bring dwarven kitchens to life with these extremely tasty and juicy meatballs! Leagues better than anything you’d buy at the grocery store, I would absolutely suggest making these yourself.

This recipe is also ridiculously forgiving. Once, I doubled nearly all the ingredients by accident, aside from the meat, and they still came out amazing!

If you don’t eat pork, no worries! They’re just as tasty using only beef!

Check out below for tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 15 mins            Cook: 1h 30 mins            Total: 1h 45 mins

Ingredients:

¼ cup (60 ml) heavy cream*

1 egg

2 slices dark bread (such as rye), crusts discharged, remainder torn into pieces**

3 tbsp. (43 g) unsalted butter

1 small onion, finely chopped

Kosher salt

¼ tsp. (2 g) ground allspice 

8 oz (225 g) ground pork

8 oz (225 g) lean ground beef

Freshly ground black pepper

2 tbsp. (8 g) all-purpose flour

1 ½ cups (350 ml) low-sodium chicken broth

1 tsp. (4 g) light brown sugar

1 ½ tsp. (7 ml) soy sauce

½ tsp. (2 ml) fresh lemon juice

3 tbsp. (12 g) finely chopped fresh dill or parsley

* I’ve used both heavy cream and half-and-half with no issues.

** I used Vienna-style Pumpernickel Bread, cut into standard ½ -inch sandwich slices at the thickest part of the loaf.

In a large bowl, whisk together the cream and egg (top-left).

Add the bread, mix well, and set aside, stirring occasionally, until the bread is softened, about 20 minutes (top-right).

Using a fork or sturdy spoon, mash the bread into a paste and set aside (bottom).

NOTE: Apparently, the bread is not what binds the meat/other ingredients together, but works with the milk to give the meatballs moisture and texture! The eggs are the only binding ingredient.

In hindsight, this makes sense, since in baking eggs are a binder…

Meanwhile, in a skillet over medium heat, melt 1 tbsp. (14 g) of the butter. Add the onion and ½ tsp. (3 g) salt and cook, stirring, until softened, about 4 minutes (left).

Add the allspice and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 40 seconds (right).

Remove from heat and let them cool to room temperature. Laying mine in a single layer in the skillet, it took about 10 minutes.

TIP: Don’t be afraid to eat some of the onions to see if they’ve softened enough.

TIP: Cooling my onions in a single layer in the skillet took about 10 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 475℉ (245℃) with a wire rack in the middle of the oven. Coat a large wire rack with nonstick cooking spray and set it in a large, rimmed baking sheet.

Add the cooled onion mixture, pork, ground beef, baking powder, 1 tsp. (5 g) salt and ½ tsp. (1 g) pepper to the bread paste and, using a large spoon or your hands, mix until well combined and uniform.

TIP: To save yourself time when doing the dishes, line the baking sheet with aluminum foil so you don’t need to scrape any burned bits off.

NOTE: Personally, I didn’t run into this problem while making mine, but it’s important to only mix the meat mixture until everything is just combined. Overmixing will result in stiffer, tougher meatballs.

With moistened hands, form the mixture into generous 1-tablespoon-sized balls (left).

Arrange the meatballs on the rack in the baking sheet and bake until lightly browned, about 20 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through (right).

NOTE: I had to make double the amount of pork/beef meatballs since 8 oz packages of each ground meat were not available. Expect about half the amount of meatballs that you see here if making this yourself.

NOTE: The meatballs will sag through the wire rack a little bit when placed, this is fine!

NOTE: The ones shown above are the size Heroes’ Feast recommends. I wanted them to be a little bit larger the second time I made them, so I went for golf-ball sized. The cooking time stayed the same, but I found the weight of them might have been a bit too much and they lost way more structure than the smaller ones. 

However, that was also the time I accidentally doubled all the ingredients aside from the meat, so I’m sure there was more at play there. Just something to keep in mind. They still came out great though! In fact, they’re the ones shown in the final picture.

Wipe out the skillet used for the onions to remove any stray onion bits, set it over medium heat, and melt the remaining 2 tbsp. (28 g) butter. Stirring constantly, cook until fragrant and a shade darker, 1 to 2 minutes.

Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until golden, 2 to 3 minutes (top-left).

Switch to a whisk and, whisking constantly, gradually add the broth. Continuing to whisk often, cook for about 2 minutes (top-right).

Add the brown sugar, soy sauce, lemon juice, and ¼ tsp. (0.5 g) pepper and continue to whisk and cook until thickened, about 2 more minutes (bottom).

NOTE: The Heroes’ Feast “cook’s notes” mentions that the sauce will thicken quickly as it cools, and to add extra chicken broth to loosen the consistency.

They’re absolutely right! It’s more obvious in the next pictures but the sauce thickens a lot. It’s also a lot darker than what’s shown in the preview image in the book, so I’m not sure how much extra broth they had to add, but it seems like quite a bit.

Add meatballs to the sauce and simmer, stirring occasionally, until heated through, about 4 minutes (left).

Stir in most of the dill or parsley and taste and adjust the seasoning with additional salt and pepper, if necessary (right).

Transfer to a serving dish, sprinkle with remaining dill or parsley, and serve hot.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. It was a little daunting since the ingredients list was so long, but once I got started making the meatballs it was actually remarkably simple! They’re really juicy, have great texture, and the allspice-seasoned onions are so tasty!

The sauce is a little awkward to make, but it does add amazing flavour. But, again, the meatballs retained so much moisture you don’t really need a sauce to enjoy them!

Honestly, if you have the time and are sick of store-bought meatballs, definitely give these a try. 

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, you can totally make these with only beef (shown in the final picture above)! They’ll still retain quite a bit of moisture and be super delicious.

This argument with my friends started just because i simply asked what their favourite triangular foods are…smh

Stuffed Egg-Battered Toast

“There’s nothing more comforting to a comfort-obsessed halfling than the warm intermingling scents of vanilla, maple, and walnuts filling their home.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 120

French toast is a staple of Sunday Brunches everywhere, and it’s easy to see why. This fried breakfast bread is easily customized with whatever you want. Syrup? Eggs? Fruit? It’s all fair game to this tasty toast!

Taking a swing at its own version, Heroes’ Feast’s Stuffed Egg-Battered Toast looks to change it up by putting its toppings inside, rather than on top.

With each slice stuffed with mascarpone, walnuts, and a truly questionable amount of vanilla extract, your kitchen and taste buds are surely going to be treated to that homely vanilla smell that halflings crave so much.

Check out below for my notes on the results and for tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 5 mins    Cook: 25 mins    Total: 30 mins

Ingredients:

4 ounces (½ cup, 120 g) mascarpone, at room temperature

¼ cup (25 g) walnuts, finely chopped

2 tsp. (10 ml) pure vanilla extract*

4 (1-inch-thick) slices of brioche or challah

2 eggs

½ cup (120 ml) whole milk

¼ tsp. (2 g) kosher salt

2 tbsp. (30 g) unsalted butter

½ cup (120 ml) maple syrup

Confectioners’ sugar for dusting**

* That uh… sure is an amount of vanilla for a ½ cup of mascarpone.

** I used chopped strawberries instead.

In a small bowl, stir together the mascarpone, walnuts and vanilla. (I forgot to take a picture of this each time I made it. L.)

Use a thin knife to cut a 2-inch-long slit through the side of each slice of brioche, creating a pocket.

Gently open the pocket and spoon 1 tbsp. of the mascarpone mixture into each slice.

TIP: As mentioned in the “cook’s notes” section, the bread is very delicate and tears easily- so take extra caution when opening and stuffing the pockets.

Alternatively, the notes mention that you could use ½-inch slices and spread the mixture between them like a sandwich. However, I worry about its structural integrity while dipping it in the egg mixture or flipping it in the frying pan.

But, since stuffing each slice is a pain, it might be worth going with the sandwich method.

NOTE: Only stuff the slices if they’re cut 1-inch-thick. ½-inch and even ¾-inch slices are way too thin and will tear.

In a pie dish or shallow bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, and salt.

BEFORE DIPPING the slices, melt 1 tbsp. butter in a large skillet over medium heat.

Dip two stuffed slices into the egg mixture, turning to soak both sides and letting any excess batter drip back into the bowl.

TIP: You only need to let each side soak for a few seconds. Any longer than 5 makes the bread mushy.

Place the sides in a skillet and cook for 2-3 minutes per side, until golden brown. Use a spatula to transfer the toasts to a warm plate.

Repeat to cook the remaining two stuffed slices.

Meanwhile, warm the maple syrup in a small saucepan over low heat for a few minutes.

TIP: The “cook’s notes” section mentions that warmed marmalade can be used to replace the maple syrup.

NOTE: I misread the instructions for this step and cooked all four slices at once. To fix the uneven browning, I flipped the lighter parts to the middle of the pan for about 20 seconds after cooking each side.

NOTE: To save on dishes, I chose to not warm my syrup.

Top the toast with strawberries (and/or confectioners’ sugar), drizzle with the maple syrup, and serve.

Overall, this recipe has one thing really working against it: the vanilla extract.

Personally, I found the filling to be inedible with 2 tsp. of vanilla extract in the mascarpone mixture. The alcohol in the extract doesn’t have enough time to cook out and leaves everything with a distinctly alcoholic taste. 

This would be fine if other flavours used in the recipe complimented the taste of the alcohol or if the taste was expected (like an alcoholic french toast). Unfortunately, nothing here works with it and, being a breakfast food, it isn’t expected. So, it ends up overwhelming the toast and making it unappetizing.

My solution to this was to cut back the vanilla extract to ½ tsp. The taste was still a little strong, but there was an improvement. If you’re planning to make this at home, consider cutting the vanilla back even further, or try using vanilla bean instead to skip the alcohol entirely.

It’s also worth mentioning that the mascarpone makes these very rich. Interestingly, I found that the syrup and strawberries really helped cut the richness. You’re still only going to eat one though.

Finally, as mentioned in a previous step, although the structural integrity might be questionable with the sandwich method, it might be worth it just to skip spooning the mixture into the pockets. The mess it creates really makes you wonder if it’s worth it.

All in all, the unaltered recipe gets a 2.5/5, going up to 4/5 when the amount of vanilla extract is reduced. Still losing points for the remaining alcoholic taste and messy and needlessly difficult construction.

Scientist bakes sourdough bread with yeast derived from 4500 year old Egyptian pottery

i'm losing my mind @ this thread......historie......

How I see it.

[Dylan’s not evil, but the things he makes usually are.]

Yawning Portal Buttermilk Biscuits

While the inn’s undisputed main attraction is the cavernous portal that descends straight into deadly Undermountain dungeon, these famed biscuits are a close second. - Heroes’ Feast, p. 31

I’ve always wanted to make biscuits, but was never motivated enough on a Sunday morning to take the time to prep and clean my bread board to knead dough. So, it was a wonderful surprise  when I saw this no-knead recipe for biscuits in Heroes’ Feast!

Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, these biscuits are so melt-in-your-mouth delicious that you’ll throw away any other recipe you have.  Whether eaten warm, at room temperature, or a day or two later, they are an amazing on-the-go breakfast snack that pairs well with any jam.

To really spice up your morning, try them with a side of Otik’s Skillet-Fried Spiced Potatoes!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making these yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep Time:  ~20 mins         Cook Time: ~50 mins (30 bake, 20 cool)        Total Time: ~1h 10min

For the ingredients:

12 tbsp. unsalted butter (2 tbsp. at room temp. 10 tbsp. chilled)

3 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 ½ tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. baking soda

1.25 tsp. kosher salt

1 ½ tsp. sugar

1 2/3 cups buttermilk

I use the following conversion in my cooking:

1 cup all-purpose flour = 125 g

1 tbsp. butter = 14 g

1 tsp. sugar = 4 g

1 tsp. baking powder = 4 g

1 tsp. baking soda = 8 g

1 tsp. kosher salt = 6 g

TIP: If you don’t have unsalted butter, lower the salt content by ~1/3 tsp (2 g).

Above is what the dry ingredients looked like after I broke up the chilled cubed butter into pea-sized pieces.

TIP: Cut your butter into cubes and store it in the fridge until you add it to the dry ingredients. The colder the butter is (without freezing!), the better the pockets of buttery-goodness will turn out.

Above is what the dough looked like after adding the buttermilk. Be aware, it will be a very sticky dough.

Sometimes, you might find that there’s a little bit of flour at the bottom of the bowl that won’t mix in.  This is okay! Just put in in the baking dish with the rest of the dough.

Heroes’ Feast mentions doing this, but I want to reinforce that it is very important to grease the spatula before scoring the biscuit dough. The dough is incredibly sticky and will be a nightmare to deal with if using an ungreased spatula.

I don’t have my 8 x 8 pan with me right now, but I do have a 7 x 11 x 2 glass dish. To account for both the dough being shallower and the baking dish being made of glass, I decreased the cooking time by 6 minutes.

While making these, I found that you don’t need to flour your hands and push the dough to the corners of the pan. If you have a strong enough silicone spatula, you can easily grease it and move the dough around that way. No need to get your hands dirty!

Don’t forget to rotate the baking dish halfway through cooking!

Above is what the biscuits looked like after they came out of the oven and were brushed with butter.

TIP: To remove the biscuits from the baking dish with as little hassle as possible, place a large cutting board over the baking pan and invert it onto the board. The biscuits will slide out easily and you can transfer them to the cooling rack from there.

Overall, I would give these biscuits a 5/5. They’ve quickly become a Sunday morning staple and I always have to stop my family from eating them before they cool-down!

If you’re planning on having them with jam, I’d recommend not adding any more butter. The butter content is so high that they don’t need any more of it.

For best freshness results, store them in a paper bag on your kitchen counter. They will keep for 2-3 days.

I need a cooking show with these three as the judges. Please.