“Madness As A Defense Against Terror. Madness As A Defense Against Grief.”

Sammy gets to work early most days, which is surprising given his famously shitty time-keeping habits when it comes to his personal life. Today, however, he’s running late. Not late late, he’s still got time to spare before his shift actually starts - but only 20 minutes or so rather than the usual hour he gives himself to lounge behind the bar. The reason is the shining new black eyes he’s sporting as he walks in. ‘‘ just me ’’ he mumbles - not feeling as talkative or irritating as usual. ‘‘ we got any ice packs back there ? ’’

open ! where: local bar 

it’s a little insane that the local bar opens as early as it does, nevertheless, benjy is there if not a little just… hungover, not from alcohol itself but just sheer tiredness that feels just about as painful as a hangover. believe it or not, the local bartender didn’t partake in much drinking, but shit at home was not going great, he had a whopping medical bill to pay for his dad’s home healthcare worker and he looked at their accounts last night and it wasn’t going all too great on top of their kitchen sink just absolutely breaking, spraying water everywhere. shit piled up, and by the time he opened the doors and checked restock and turned on the goddamn television a murder happened over night. or early day. either way, it was all over the television and he leaned back against the bar to look up at the screen and said, “shit,” before turning to face the customer. “well that’s cheery,” he mumbles underneath his breath, just what this town needed really. “what can i get for you?”

(  JONATHAN  DAVIS  +  CIS  MALE  +  HE  /  HIM  )     🠒     PARENTS  by  yungblud  is  something  that  resonates  with  SAMMY  TURNER.   the  drug  dealer  /  bartender  at  glen  ellen’s  local  bar  is  glen  ellen's  very  own   DIRTBAG   who  has  been  in  town  for  fifteen  years  and  while  they  are  only  twenty  five,    they  can  be  very   SHORT  FUSED    but  if  their  friends  mentioned  them,    you'd  think  they  were  more  LOYAL.   in  a  town  where  every  one  knows  everyone,    it's  hard  to  keep  a  secret,     but  i  think  the  killer  knows  that  [  REDACTED  ],     and  it's  bound  to  get  out  sometime  soon.   i  wonder  if  the  killer  also  thinks  of   bloodied  knuckles,  care  bear  plasters,  misplaced  anger,  shotgunning  at  parties,  black  nail  polish,  discarded  baggies,  a  thick  cockney  accent   like  i  do,    when  i  think  of  them. 

full name — samuel alexander turner nickname(s) — sam, sammy. name meaning — god has heard age — twenty five date of birth — april 1st place of birth — hackney, london, england current location — glen ellen, california, us gender — cis-male pronouns — he/him sexual orientation — homosexual

height — 5′11 religion — agnostic occupation — bartender / drug dealer education level — high school family — douglas turner ( father ), katherine turner ( mother ) joshua, caleb, poppy, beau, max, mila ( siblings ) finances — lower working class / poor spoken languages — English 

medical diagnosis’ — adhd, depression, ptsd, anxiety, oppositional defiance disorder

voiceclaim — danny dyer

Inspired by : James Cook ( Skins ), Mickey Maguire ( shamless ), Neil Sutherland ( the inbetweeners ), Nathan Young ( misfits ), alex karev ( greys anatomy )

Tw for abuse, substance misuse, violence. 

- Sammy is the second eldest of several children born to Douglas and Katherine Turner. He grew up in a two bedroom housing estate in Hackney, London. He attended a state school on the verge of closure, he ran wild ran the estate with friends a lot older. He did everything and anything to avoid going home. Nobody saw the signs - or more, nobody wanted to see the signs. 

- Douglas and Katherine did not parent well. They barely existed well. Douglas was abusive in his methods with a temper that couldn’t be controlled around adults or children. Katherine, sweet Katherine, grew tired and fearful. Trapped and complacent. Josh and Sammy basically took on the role of parents to the smalls. 

- Shortly after his tenth birthday the family immigrated to the states. ‘too much trouble over ‘ere’ Douglas had mumbled. 

- Coming into teenage hood, Sammy grew angry. Angry at his situation and the cards dealt to him. He had always struggled in school, but now his behaviour was unmanageable. It was like his body was constantly in fight or flight mode. ‘Defensive, Lazy, Unmotivated - a teachers nightmare’ - all words scrawled across his report cards over the years. they don’t care, Sammy had realised. They don’t want to listen to my screams for help. nobody fucking cares.

- It would have been obvious, to anybody who stepped back and looked at the entire unit, that Sammy had a magnitude of odds stacked against him. Some days all he needed was a fucking win. Somebody to turn around and say that they saw him. Nobody did. He was pegged as a failure before he even had a chance. Nobody cares !! Nobody cares !! It’s all his fault and nobody fucking cares !!

- Douglas only grew angrier with age and the aggression only got worse as his kids grew stronger and started to fight back. Stupid sack of shit - you’ll never win against him.

- Sammy knew he would never win. He knew by fourteen that it was futile to try. He took whatever fist was thrown at him, and he spent his teenage years stepping between his father and his siblings, pleading with his mother to do something. If she couldn’t protect them, he would. Josh had grown useless in his own years. While Sammy only felt anger, he felt a strong desire to step away and keep his head down. Coward - why don’t you grow a better fucking coping mechanism !!

- aside from the obvious, there was another undetected reason for Sammy’s piss poor school performance. He couldn’t read - not well at least. He had managed to skirt by this issue for the majority of his life. He used their own diastase of him to hide the embarrassment. He spoke in jibberish with a shit eating grin when asked to read aloud, made sexual innuendos when questioned about board work and kicked off or doodled on school tests. Fuck it, if they didn’t care, why should he?. Until one teacher did, one who had been eyeing up the boy and taking note of his deteriorating behaviour for a while. He kept him back one afternoon and asked Sammy to read a passage from the assigned text to him. Sammy did the usual - pout and moan and roll his eyes and demand to be let go for lunch. This interaction repeated itself again and again, and after years of screaming to be seen, he suddenly wanted to be left alone again.

- this teacher didn’t leave him alone. In fact, he invested in Sammy. He encouraged him to take up drumming, and payed for his lessons (unbeknownst to Sammy, who assumed it was free), he tutored him after school and once building up some trust he took Sammy for an eye test one afternoon. It transpired that not only could Sammy not read well, he couldn’t see very well either. The opticians where shocked at how he had been going about day to day tasks with one blind eye and the other with intense short sightedness (not that he will wear the stupid glasses. Fuck that).

- Adulthood doesn’t feel too dissimilar to teenage hood, Sammy finds. It’s still just misdirected anger and school runs he didn’t sign up for. It’s still running for your life against wolves, it’s still fight or flight and pre conceived judgements. It’s still untamed loyalty that his teachers swore he would grow out of. The only difference is while he once questioned why the universe just wanted to piss on him, he know understands it’s probably deserved.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

- Exes / hookups / fwb: Sammy is massively touch starved and falls for people very easily (though he will never admit it). He always tends to be the one to fuck it up though

- The teacher: as stated in his bio, this teacher has a massive positive impact on Sammy and changed the course of his life. They still check up on Sammy and is no doubt teaching the other Turners right now. They may even be Sammys call when he gets arrested for dumb shit. 

- best friends: while Sammy can appear to be a pos, he has the biggest heart in the world. He really is just misunderstood but once he builds a connection he guards it with his life.

Enemies: It’s well known this boy likes to throw a punch or two - if you’re lucky it could be you!

Clients: As well as working at the bar, Sammy also deals drugs. The money is mostly used to support his siblings, so really it’s like charity! The more drugs you do, the more shoes there are for the kids!

Potential partners: I have nothing to say but 😢 give him one good thing

(   Kathryn Newton   +  cis  woman  +  she  /  her  )     🠒     john  hughes  movie   by   maisie  peters   is  something  that  resonates  with   matilda  yaxley.  the  shop  assistant  at  record  this!  record  shop  is  glen  ellen's  very  own   broken  bird,   who  has  been  in  town  for  twenty  years  and  while  they  are  only  twenty  five,    they  can  be  very   naive    but  if  their  friends  mentioned  them,    you'd  think  they  were  more  benevolent.   in  a  town  where  every  one  knows  everyone,    it's  hard  to  keep  a  secret,     but  i  think  the  killer  knows  that  [  redacted  ],     and  it's  bound  to  get  out  sometime  soon.   i  wonder  if  the  killer  also  thinks  of   symptomatic  by  peach  prc,     butterfly  clips,     always  chipped  nail  polish,     glitter  eyeshadow,     handmade  bracelets,     smudged  mascara,     bruised  lips   like  i  do,    when  i  think  of  them.

full name — matilda yaxley nickname(s) — tilly, tilda, millie. name meaning — battle mighty age — twenty five date of birth — march 19 place of birth — fresno, california current location — glen ellen, california, us gender — cis-woman pronouns — she/her sexual orientation — heterosexual religion — agnostic occupation — assistant at record this ! record shop education level — high school family — louise yaxley ( mother, deceased ) , daniel jones ( father ) , evie yaxley ( maternal grandmother, deceased ) , jose yaxley ( maternal grandfather )  finances — working class  spoken languages — English

medical diagnosis’ — post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, pyrophobia 

Inspired by : NELL CRAIN (THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE), JANE EYRE (JANE EYRE), JO & AMY MARCH (LITTLE WOMEN), SCOUT FINCH (TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD), ELIZA DOOLITTLE (MY FAIR LADY)

TW for abuse, fire, stalking, Metal health

- Matilda was the only child born to louise and daniel, although she always craved for more. In her earliest years she begged for a sibling. She said silent prayers to a god she didn’t believe it and whispered it into Santas ear when december rolled around. She never got a sibling, no, instead her parents separated. 

- two houses, two homes, two kitchens, two phones. two birthdays, two christmases. it was FINE, but it made her sad. She wished so deeply for a nuclear family. Instead she got awkward handovers where her dad will rip her from her mothers arms and moan that she was a BITCH. 

- When Matilda was seven, her life was flipped on its head in the worst way. The divorced was being finalised and as a result, her Dad set fire to the home where she and her mother slept. He was the first on the scene, the first to pull his only child, terrified and screaming, from the burning building - ‘the heroic dad ’ the headlines went mad ‘ hero dad braves flames to save daughter ! ’. 

- It didn’t take long for his plan to foil though. The police were onto him from the get go. They just needed evidence. They watched him carefully, allowing him to lap up the glory like a dehydrated dog. Five weeks after the event, he was arrested on suspicion of pre medicated murder, malicious arson and endangering the life or health of a child. He lost custody of Matilda and she was sent to live with her ageing grandparents.

- her grandfather was already living in a care home when she moved in, the dementia had set in some years prior, and her grandmother had said she was grateful he would never know the weight of grief over their daughter. They visited him three times a week, and life with her grandparents was slow but comfortable. 

- five years later, when Matilda was almost thirteen, her father was released due to a lack of evidence. He was not allowed contact with his daughter until she was 18 and could make the decision herself, but he was still always there. she could feel his eyes watching from afar. 

- When she was eighteen he became persistant. He would show up at her school, at the house, on street corners. Begging for her attention, and when she refused he would throw out threats to her life and her grandmothers life. 

- Several months ago Matilda lost her grandmother and with that the home she lived in. She has been living with friends (sofas mostly). He is still everywhere. He comes to the record shop often, and even though he’s barred now he stands outside and waits for her.

- Still, she is almost naive ( it’s probably the trauma ! ). She has the sweetest most kind heart in the world . Queen of ‘it’s fine ! I’m okay ! How are you ? Do you need anything ? Tea ? Coffee ? A hug ? Oh no I’m not projecting I’m fine !’ 

I really don’t know if I can handle another tidal wave of emotions. For how many times can one drown?

Malcolm Moon   (via wnq-writers)

“you’re so polite with your sadness. you don’t want to ruin this for anyone.”

— — Silas Melvin, from “Twenty,” Grit (via lifeinpoetry)

Florence Pugh as Amy March

LITTLE WOMEN (2019) — dir. Greta Gerwig

RUE & LEXI in

EUPHORIA | S02E03: Ruminations: Big and Little Bullys