Latest Posts by hadrianthomas - Page 5

‘nowhere’

‘fly-by’

‘abnormal’

‘non-entity’

‘feels’

‘reflexion’

‘distant’

‘world’

We're both looking at the same moon, in the same world. We're connected to reality by the same line. All I have to do is quietly draw it towards me.

— Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart

when Richard Siken wrote— “Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we'll never get used to it.”

Therapeutic smile adorned her coat like a badge, worn proudly this spring.

“And things are not always okay but even from rock bottom I can still see the sky I can still see the stars”

— Michelle K

‘self-devour’

Sometimes people think they know you. They know a few facts about you, and they piece you together in a way that makes sense to them. And if you don't know yourself very well, you might even believe that they are right. But the truth is, that isn't you. That isn't you at all.

— Leila Sales

Kate Jacobs; Comfort Food

Forest God part 1 by Oleg Vdovenko

Chaos Mage, by Sergey Urlapov (Sergon), via DeviantArt.

‘lost’

“Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive.”

— Charlotte Brontë; Jane Eyre

My child is autistic. He doesn’t do well with change. Even little things that would be meaningless to most people.

For example, his hairbrush was getting old and worn. He had chewed the end of it. The cats had chewed some bristles. It was dirty and dusty. But I didn’t say anything. Because it’s his hairbrush.

Finally, he said he thinks it’s time for a new brush. Ok, I say, we’ll put it on the shopping list, and get one next time we’re in town.

So we go to town and we go to the store. There are many hairbrushes to choose from. He picks one and they even have it in his favorite color. We buy it, take it home, and remove the packaging.

I go to put it on the shelf where the old hairbrush is. Can we throw out the old one, I ask.

That’s when he stops. That’s when he freezes and gets a momentary look of panic on his face. Throw out the old one? That hadn’t occurred to him.

Because here’s the thing. Hair brushing is a part of his morning routine. And not just hair brushing, but hair brushing with that particular brush. To most people, the act of hair brushing is the routine, but not the brush itself. The objects are interchangeable. But not to my child. Not to someone with autism. The brush itself is just as important as the act of brushing.

So I take a breath. I put the old brush down. Think about it, I say. Let me know tomorrow what you want to do with this brush.

He decides. He realizes keeping an old hairbrush is not necessary. But it’s still important to him. So he asks if I can cut off one bristle. To keep. As a memory of the old hairbrush.

I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need. I cut off the bristle. He puts it in his treasure box, along side some smooth rocks, beads, sparkly decals, a Santa Claus charm from a classmate, a few other things meaningful to him.

He throws the old hairbrush away himself. He is able to move on, and accept the change.

I am tired. These people make me feel I have a hole in the middle of me.

— D.H. Lawrence, from The Complete Works; The Plumbed Serpent

Trauma didn't make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn't make me strong, I made me strong. Don't you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don't give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn't make me good, I made myself good.

Margaret Atwood, from Hesitation Outside the Door

They would be better off without me, everyone would be better off without me.

‘howl’