09/23/2022

09/23/2022

i am so incredibly tired. a man shouted at me over the phone for the longest time.

Jonathan went to sleep without calling last night. Good. I'm worried about them--the migraine isn't getting better. Julian has left. I'm... not happy with him right now. I don't know how much of that is me resenting the fact that they are currently taking up the space that should be mine and have done such a poor job of doing it, and how much is legitimate grievance.

I'm trying to figure out how to leave without getting killed for it. I want to be able to take care of Jonathan, but I can't be of help to anyone if I'm dead on the side of the road.

Even in the best case scenario, I'm going to be broken for a while. The road between worlds is... long, at best, and deadly, at worst. And I will be vulnerable for a lot of it.

I will try to keep myself together on the way home. Then I will try to make my decision.

More Posts from Foggedupforsaken and Others

5 months ago

You know what, while I'm doing hot takes. And this one may be obvious considering I'm actively contributing to hosting the Solarpunk Aesthetic Week event but like.

Dear everyone who's constantly deriding the aesthetic portions of the solarpunk movement/genre; do you just not understand that being able to visualize the future you want is immensely important to being able to work towards it? Being able to get other people on board with it?

When I first got interested in Solarpunk, it wasn't for the hot leftist takes about the top ways to dismantle the government for the people, or top tips on how to build your own solar panel apparatuses. What brought me in? Visions of a hopeful future. I learned and began to love the rest as I dove deeper into solarpunk circles, but there is no denying that my first intro to it--and likely many people's first intro to it--was via the art and aesthetic spheres. The term 'solarpunk' was literally coined to refer to the aesthetic movement, and we've been building up from there ever since.

'When are people going to realize the aesthetic parts don't matter and what really matters is praxis--' dude, the aesthetic parts do matter. Inspiring people does matter. Showing people visions of a hopeful future is immensely important, it's why so many people join this movement. We see glimpses of what a hopeful future could look like, through beautiful art or riveting stories, we're inspired by things like stained glass and organic designs and statues and fashion concepts--and then we think to ourselves 'how can we help make this future happen?' And we learn the praxis and we work towards the goals and we share it with others because that's just how we work.

Seeing isn't always believing, but sometimes in order to believe in something with your whole heart, it helps to be able to visualize what you want. For yourself and for others.

So yes. The aesthetic parts of solarpunk do matter. Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

1 year ago

today in "google AI is fucking useless because it hallucinates things that never happened", i bought a couple CVS thermometers that have both been acting up, tried to search if there had been a problem with the whole product line:

Today In "google AI Is Fucking Useless Because It Hallucinates Things That Never Happened", I Bought

there is no record of this product recall. it did not happen. the date "feb 8 2024" is the date someone listed a thermometer for sale on ebay.

1 month ago

I hate when I say things like "oh I want an ipod classic but with bluetooth so I can use wireless headphones" and some peanut comes in and replies with "so a smartphone with spotify?" No. I want a 160GB+ rectangular monstrosity where I can download every version of every song I want to it and it does nothing except play music and I don't need a data connection and don't have to pay a subscription to not have ads and don't have popups suggesting terrible AI playlists all over the menus.

Gimme the clicky wheel and song titles like "My Chemical Romance- The Black Parade- Blood (Bonus Track)- secret track- album rip- high quality"

10 months ago

cant stop thinking about this video

3 months ago
1 month ago

wikipedia no longer being anywhere near the top of search results when looking up anything feels eviscerating

9 months ago

little ways to change your life:

learn how to write a new style of handwriting. try wearing your hair or makeup differently. find a new perfume you like.

do things for yourself, not for the validation of others. resist the temptation to post everything online.

start doing something you usually can't be bothered to do. like making your bed, folding everything neatly, stretching every hour, going on jogs, making a healthy meal from scratch or sleeping earlier.

make your surroundings as cozy and as pleasing for you to look at as possible.

bake delicious but sometimes deformed pastries. write things that no one "gets". wear clothes and hairstyles that make u happy. crotchet a sock badly. draw a picture that won't be aesthetic on instagram. let go of the perfect image of who you need to be. do things for yourself.

be messy. self-expression isn't always pretty. scribble messily in a notebook. draw messily an idea for a character. write a messy draft for a story.

learn your thing from scratch, whether it's astronomy, greek mythology, flower species, piano, japanese, making jam, drawing comics, or something completely different.

let yourself fully enjoy everyday things like food, commute, and your morning routines. slow down and notice every single thing that makes you feel nice.

appreciate nature, like the sunlight streaming through in the morning, the sound of rain, and the colors of sunsets.

notice the deeper meanings and emotions in songs, poetry and paintings.

let people in. give new loves and friendships a chance. initiate conversations when you want.

read as much as you can. read different genres, popular and unpopular books, classics and new releases. give every book that catches your eye a chance.

enjoy your solitude like you're a character in a movie. if you can, go out for walks alone. visit the park to look at dogs, a café to people-watch, or a library to spend the afternoon buried in a book. bring a journal everywhere with you, and write poetry and quotes and doodles.

collect little things, like vinyls, pretty rocks and shells, stuffed animals, whatever makes you happy.

find a sport you like. pretend you're a superhero. dance like no one's watching. swim like you're a mermaid. exercise is supposed to be fun, so find one that you like.

make self care a priority. this includes taking your meds on time, starting to study for a test after procrastinating for weeks, deleting things that trigger negative emotions, and knowing when to let go and ask for help.

distance yourself from sources of negativity. learn to be ok on your own. know your worth and boundaries.

let go of the past. forgive yourself for the things you regret and start again.

let go of old relationships. there's a difference between missing someone and wanting them back in your life.

let go of your need to be perfect. it does more harm than good.

never compare yourself. it will always feel like a losing battle, no matter how amazing you really are.

keep in touch with people you don't speak to much. even a message can brighten someone's day.

be kind to everyone you meet, even strangers. if someone makes you happy, make them happier. compliment often, and be less judgemental. give someone a smile, you never know how much it means to them.

wake up earlier in the morning. wake up with the sun and fall asleep with the moon.

if you want to be calmer and more productive, remove things on your phone and social media apps that you don't need. (which is most of them).

make a list of qualities in the person you dream of becoming. write about your ideal life with what you have. make goals to be the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.

don't suppress your emotions, but don't overthink them either. have a kinder relationship with your body and your thoughts.

don't be afraid to ask for help, whether it's a teacher, therapist, friend, doctor or parent.

remember that healing and loving yourself is just starting over and over. it's not too late. you're still young and you can move and grow at your own pace. your peak is yet to come.

6 months ago
First Ultrakill...
First Ultrakill...

First ultrakill...

...and then ultrakiss

1 year ago

I think people get mixed up a lot about what is fun and what is rewarding. These are two very different kinds of pleasure. You need to be able to tell them apart because if you don't have a balanced diet of both then it will fuck you up, and I mean that in a "known cause of persistent clinical depression" kind of way.

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foggedupforsaken - rosemary and thyme
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