I Think We Forget Ana Is Not The ‘currently Deathly Skinny Disorder’ Or Even The ‘wants To Get

I just baked a cake for my Dad's birthday tomorrow

I haven't baked anything in a very long time and I was just remembering how I used to love eating the batter

Not anymore though

I really hope I will get around actually having to eat it, I think I'll just say I'll take a piece to school with me maybe

The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D

I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy

It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)

And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm

Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully

As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy

STATS??

Well let's just say I'm not overweight but I'm quite definitely not underweight yet 😭 and so I don't feel comfortable sharing that until I've reached at least one gw sorry

wdym just staring at the document won't get me any work done

I just wanted to work out, but when I started the headache I was having all day just got so bad I almost cried holy shit how do I get rid of that?

I'm so upset right now, because I've planned out every food I was going to eat for the day and it's been going so well, but now my parents insist they make something for the entire family to eat for dinner, and even if it's soup (and slightly lower in calories than what I would've had otherwise) I'm really quite angry I couldn't follow through with my plan :(

Also, I have no way to count the calories of what my parents cook and that makes it scary no matter what it is, but hey- they're making just soup

wearing my hair open makes my face look slim but shearing it in a ponytail makes me look morr masculine.... Decisions, decisions, all of them wrong

I feel so bad turning down the food my parents or friends got me just to make me happy

Because despite the fact that my mom and I watch shows or movies almost every day together, it's kind of rare that my dad joins in as well and recently we're watching through some old classics and it's kind of special

And I was really excited to watch another movie with them today and I told them and they extra bought chips and said they were for me and 🥲

It's so sweet but chips are like my fear food number one

loser idiot binges instead of starving

Nothing compares to the deep sadness I feel whenever my monster can is getting empty and I have only one last sip left