NEW HUSBAND

@mothercain i pray to you to help me get over her, i am falling apart over an evil lesbian, what shall i do

HAPPY SEASON 4 DAY!

it was one year ago today, that i’d fallen in love with Eddie Munson and Joseph Quinn, who would soon become the people who’d save me from many things. it was exactly one year ago today that my favourite show came back to me to give me one hell of a good year with a amazing summer to follow. i was in my worst at the time, all it took was to watch my comfort show to begin to find comfort in eddie, realising just how much i relate to him, especially with how i’m perceived at school. eddie munson saved me and joseph quinn did too. they both managed to make me feel like maybe everything was worth something, that maybe things aren’t that bad, that yk it’ll get better. they were there for me when no one was and i don’t regret a thing about falling in love with the both of them. n ik it’s corny as shit n cringe as shit. but i’m never felt safer then i do when i watch eddie or joseph on screen. it’s like a huge bubble of emotion just bursts into me and makes me feel contempt 🫀💗

currently me and my ex (lets call him Eddie cuz i dunno what else to name him) that i mentioned are friends. but ive recently started dating this great guy (lets call him Saul (he's a big rock fan and adores Slash like me so) yk) anyway, Eddie disappeared for a good week claiming he was busy studying for his IELTs and sleeping during our half term break from school, on a thursday i told him about this guy ive been talking to (Saul). and he asks how old he is and i tell him oh 17-18 and he freaks out saying thats a large age gap (literally not cuz im the same age) so he ends up dipping again once i change the convo and when we get back to school on monday he replies and hes being sort of weird and his texts seem aggressive and i told my friends and my music teacher (my music teachers like my school dad) and they all thought he was jealous because of it and i just felt so angry because i know for a fact i didnt give Eddie my everything, my feelings, myself, my soul, just for the second i even decide to move on and like someone else, he gets jealous, so i decided to wait for him to talk to me, he never did, not even in school he completely avoided me and pretended to not hear me and his excuse was hes been diagnosed with diabeties on top of his already diagnosed but not medicate for, BPD. and then my mom caught me sending my boyfriend, Saul, like semi nudes (like yk swimsuit type pics). and she found out about me and Eddie because she didnt know and so i had my friends log into my instagram account to monitor it for me cuz my mom had access to my phone and all my accounts and my laptop. she ended up ripping all my posters off my door, taking my guitars, pictures that were hung in my room and my record player. shes also before found out about my scars and smashed all my vinyls. so me and her are good now, we're mending our relationship but the only way ive been talking to Eddie is through email and ive been talking to Saul through a secret snap account because she blocked him everywhere and will open my phone sometimes to go through it. basically ive been stripped of everything, saul understood full heartedly when i told him i wont be sending anymore pictures. and it just made me breakdown, because he told me that it didnt matter to him because as long as he gets to talk to me, and hear my voice and see those small snaps i send him everyday then it doesnt matter to him. like he told me he loves me a few days ago. and yet when Eddie said it, he told me he meant it in a 'ur cool' way. like who the fuck does that! anyway todays my grandpas one year, today marks the day my grandpa died and i emotionally shut down. everytime i saw that ive broken down, it just means i freeze up and stop talking, last time i felt something that deep to cry again since my grandpa was when Eddie broke up with me. and its like what the fuck. there is a shit ton i havent mentioned here yet, but theyre very main key points to the eddie story im writing and so i wont mention them rn, but also a little reminder, the titles of the chapters are actually songs you should listen to while reading the chapter

life update

so this month has been shit. my grandpas anniversary came up on the 8th. and the problems i mentioned before with my mom, oh and today. i cried again since Eddie (my ex). Saul broke up with me, i had two panic attacks, one in the middle of my arabic class, and another during english. yesterday i told him how i havent been feeling well and he told me to figure what i want out and text him but till then hes tired and going to sleep (we were doing long distance because he lives in argentina and i live waaaaay far away.) today during my arabic class i texted him and he told me hes breaking up with me, said that he loves me and cares for me but yet he thinks its whats good for us both. he proceeded to continue to tell me he loves me while i begged him not to and i ended up telling him that i will not forgive him for what hes doing and that i hate him for how hes hurting me, i logged out of the account and then in the afternoon during english, i checked and he ended up saying that he couldve up and left me but he didnt because he cares about me and loves me which is why he talked to me about it. and he replied to my other texts saying "sorry bye" and he removed me on snap as well as tiktok because those are the only things he had me on. (i checked snap on my laptop rn and his accounts gone, idk if its the same on my phone). i went to the bathroom while im shaking and like trying to breathe, and i called my best friends but only one picked up because she had a study period. after me and her talked for a bit anout what happened, i suddenly couldnt breathe, just completely couldnt for i dunno how long and then i just started sobbing. then when i was able to calm down, i got to class again and afterwards had a smoke session with the best friend i was talking to's sister. i met up with my best friend who didnt pick up and we walked back to our building, cuz we had class in a diff building. we found some of our close friends in this little garden area we have n sat there because after the smoke session i was gripping the railing in the staircases, as well as my best friends arm because i felt like throwing up and passing out. and at that moment i just started sobbing again and shaking, after a while of my friends attempting to calm me down, my business teacher saw me and i told her i was fine she said obviously im not if im this distraught but if i need her i know where her office is. i had a talk with my old chem teacher because i trust him and cuz my music teacher (was mentioned before) had a lesson. everyone tried to get me to cheer up, one friend just held me (which i needed i love being held), one jumped up and kicked his feet while impersonating mickey mouse, the friend who answered my call sang arabic lulibies for me and then niki manaj, my friend who was at the garden area started singing cupcake songs, my friend who didnt pick up my call just stuck with me the entire day and made sure i drank enough water even tho i didnt eat at all even tho she tried, my other friend checked up on me every five minutes and during our lessons together, a bunch of my other friends tried to cheer me up. but nothing worked and i dont think i can just explain how exhausted and tired and drained i am rn.

istg.

i'm not god's strongest soldier.

update

his graduation was a few weeks ago, and i fell into a spiral. crying all the time, the mere thought of getting out of bed made me feel sick. my friend to cheer me up got me to talk to this boy, turns out his sister made all of year 11 completely hell for me. the whole thing was short lived.

my band was performing at his graduation, and i got there early, i was gonna go in and watch his ceremony but i couldn’t, i started crying when i heard his name and ran off. i didn’t go up to him the entire time i was there. didn’t even say goodbye when i left. i couldn’t bring myself to do it. that same morning i sent him a text saying how i hate how we’re on bad terms (told him i was in love with him and i had to stop for the sake of my sanity) but i just wanna say how proud i am. we got to talking and he told me we were never on bad terms. but he wishes that we had more time together as friends then fighting over something that he doesn’t even count as a real relationship. this is the first guy i’ve ever loved we are talking about. he ended up telling me too that i was just a rebound. i puked like i e never done before in my entire life. june is his last month here before he’s off to college, told me he’s never coming back but he’ll miss me. you know what’s the worst part of all of this? i just wanna hug him. don’t care what happens after. i dedicated strangers to him by ethel cain (who i recently got into and she’s all i ever listen to because i connect to her songs in a whole other level as weird as that sounds but i feel so content.) because it just described everything i’m feeling. it goes from me wanting to be his, to worrying if i’ve hurt him or done anything, to me mocking him and asking if he feels guilty for any of it. all he said was. he’s sorry. he’s fucking sorry. sorry won’t fix what he’s done. sorry won’t give me a year of my life back. it won’t give me all the tears i’ve cried back. i wasn’t enough for him to love. i was a fucking rebound. if i throw myself off a building. it would’ve hurt less then hear him call me a rebound. tell me that everything we did (sexual or not) made him feel shameful. i’ve never ever had a guy see me in that way BUT him. AND HE FEELS FUCKING SHAMEFUL? I SHOWED HIM PARTS OF ME I NEVER WANT ANYONE TO SEE OR TOUCH. AND HES FUCKING ASHAMED? HOW IS THIS FAIR? WHY TF IS NTH EVER FUCKING FAIR TO ME. IM NOT FUCKING LOVEABLE. IM JUST THE REBOUND. OR THE GIRL YOU ASK FOR SEX OR SHIT. I AM NOT LOVEABLE.

apocalypse

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Model! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

events of upside never happened.

The first time Ethel saw Eddie perform live, it was from backstage, tucked in the shadows where no one could see her. The energy of the crowd was electric, a thousand voices screaming his name, hands reaching, desperate for even the smallest piece of him. But he was untouchable, all sweat and leather and raw power, his guitar a weapon, his voice a battle cry.

She should have expected it, but still, it knocked the breath out of her.

She wasn’t the only one watching. There were others—groupies, roadies, industry people—but none of them saw him the way she did. None of them knew the boy beneath the stage lights, the one who got nervous before every show, who doodled in the margins of hotel notepads, who laughed until he was breathless over the dumbest jokes.

When the set ended, when the last chord rang out and the lights dimmed, he practically ran offstage, his chest heaving, hair wild with sweat. And the second he saw her, standing there with her arms crossed and that half-smile he was starting to crave, he grinned.

“How’d I do?” he asked, voice rough, still caught in the adrenaline.

She took a step closer, trailing a fingertip down the collar of his leather jacket. “You were alright.”

He scoffed, pulling her in by the waist, pressing his lips to hers. “Liar.”

She laughed, and then he was kissing her, his hands slipping beneath the thin fabric of her dress, fingertips pressing into her skin like he was afraid she’d disappear. The noise of the venue faded, drowned out by the pounding of their hearts. It was reckless. Addictive.

Later that night, curled up in the dim glow of his hotel room, she traced lazy patterns on his bare chest, the sound of his slowed breathing filling the silence. “You’re kind of unreal, you know that?” she murmured.

He caught her hand, pressing a kiss to her wrist. “You make me feel real.”

And just like that, she was his favorite addiction.

Champanges Coast

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Model! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

events of upside never happened.

Eddie Munson was a rockstar now. The kind who had stadiums chanting his name, who grinned from magazine covers with rings on every finger and a cigarette hanging from his lips. But some things never changed—he still played his guitar like he was exorcising ghosts, still laughed too loud, still never really believed any of this was real.

Then he met Ethel.

She was the kind of beautiful that felt like an accident, something effortless and wild, like ink bleeding into water. An up-and-coming supermodel, fresh off the Paris runways, with sleepy eyes and a voice like a sigh. They met at some party neither of them wanted to be at—dim lights, neon flickering against velvet walls, the smell of expensive perfume and liquor hanging in the air. Eddie had been lingering by the bar, nursing a whiskey on the rocks, when she walked past him, draped in something silk and barely-there, and smirked like she knew a secret he didn’t.

“Not your scene?” she asked, leaning beside him, her presence electric.

He snorted. “What gave it away?”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her cocktail. “You look like you’d rather be anywhere else.”

“Not anywhere,” he said, and he didn’t know why he said it, but the way she looked at him made him feel like maybe he meant it.

They ended up sneaking out together. Ditching the party for the city streets, where the air was cold and sharp, where they could breathe again. The neon signs buzzed above them, painting their skin in flickers of pink and blue. They walked with no real direction, just the sound of their footsteps on wet pavement and the occasional flicker of a passing car. Eddie told her about the first time he played in front of a crowd, how he was shaking so bad he thought he’d drop his guitar. She told him about the first time she walked a runway, how the lights were so blinding she felt like she was floating.

“Still get nervous?” she asked, her voice soft.

“Every damn time.”

She grinned. “Me too.”

They ended up in some tiny 24-hour diner, sharing a plate of fries, Blondie playing softly on the jukebox. She slipped off her heels, stretching her legs across the cracked vinyl booth, her bare foot nudging against his under the table. He could still smell her perfume, something floral and sweet, and when she laughed, it curled around him like cigarette smoke.

“You’re not what I expected,” she said, tilting her head, watching him like she was trying to figure him out.

“Oh yeah? What’d you expect?”

She smirked. “More… rockstar.”

He scoffed. “Trust me, sweetheart, I’m plenty rockstar.”

“Mm.” She pretended to consider. “I don’t know… I think you might just be a boy with a guitar.”

Eddie leaned in, smirking right back. “Lucky for you, I’m both.”

And maybe it was the late hour, or the cheap diner coffee, or the way her eyes held the city lights in them, but when she reached across the table, lacing her fingers through his, Eddie Munson, rockstar, completely forgot about the rest of the world.

she moved on. she likes someone new.

New slash series.

Hellos children. U SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS, STUNNINGLY BREATHTAKING MAN? IVE GOT A NEW SERIES COMING OUT FOR HIM. BUT FCKEN TUMBLR PUT A MATURE POST LABEL ON THE MASTERLIST POST N MIGHT FOR EACH CHAPTER SO IM TELLING YALL HERE INCASE TUMBLRS HIDING IT FROM YALL. SO IMA TAG THE MASTER LIST HERE AND IMA PUT OUT A SMALL POST WHENEVER A CHAPTER IS OUT YALL R GETTING ONE SOON THO SO YAY!!!

HERES THE MASTERLIST.