My Angel ☆

My Angel ☆

Slash x reader

warnings: a bit of angst at the start, just fluff, mentions of alcohol and drugs, etc.

summary: y/n and Saul get into a fight about his addiction, and saul finds a letter y/n had written about him.

authors note: listen to September - sparky deathcap, because it fit 💀 part 2!!

"Oh go fuck yourself, saul!" she yelled out as tears streamed down her face, staring back at the man she loves. she hid her face in her hands as Saul let realization hit him, he failed her again, he relapsed after promising to stay clean for the third time in their five years together. he called her names, trashed the house, told her he wished he never loved her, that he despised her. all because she had flushed his stash down the toilet, those words were the first thing she said since he started his tantrum. her sobs now filling the apartment "s-shit baby" he mumbled as he walked towards her his hands reaching up to hold her arms "don't touch me" she said flinching away from him almost instantly she finally looked up at him, with a look he couldn't even describe. y/n grabbed her car keys and purse, quickly rushing out of the apartment, leaving saul alone with his mess. she left. his brain was too drugged to comprehend going after her, he didn't know what to do, he was lucky he was even still standing with the number of drugs he's consumed. Saul rushed over to the phone connected to the wall, dialling Stevens number as he waited, till he heard a voice "steven adler speaking!" "adler, I fucking- y/n, she left and... shes gone" saul sobbed into the phone, leaving his friend very confused as Steven looked over at duff who'd been over at his house "hold on, me and duff are on our way okay?" saul nodded, letting the other hang up as he fell against the wall. he looked around the trashed apartment and noticed underneath a pile of glass, was a book. y/ns handwriting on the front of it. it was her journal, the one she always wrote in. he moved over to grab it, his fingers moving over the old leather cover of the book. he opened the book and let whatever page open, his eyes read over the words, letting himself remember how he loved her handwriting, she always said it looked like a little kid's handwriting, almost unreadable but he always read whatever she would write. he noticed the date that was written 22/9/1987. the day guns n roses performed at the ritz in new york. how can he look so pretty, so angelic without even trying, my saul, a complete angel. gosh how I love him, how I adore him, I've loved and adored him since we first met before all this, before guns n roses, back in 84. I don't regret going to Madam Wong's in East Hollywood, I remember how adorable he looked, his hair was less wild then. I remember the funky clothes he wore that night, god how I remember what I felt when he looked at me. I felt like a little girl whose crush held her hand for the first time during recess. I remember how he stumbled over his words when he came up to me afterwards, I remember how gentle his touch was, how he asked to kiss me underneath a faulty street light in California's weather, I remember every date and moment that happened after. I know saul isn't clean anymore, it hurts me knowing he could slip through my fingers at any given moment, he doesn't remember how I held him a few nights back, I could hear his breathing vividly, and I could see how the colour and life was sucked out of him, he looked almost ghost-like. he doesn't know that's why I haven't slept well in the past few nights, how could I? how could I rest knowing my angel might vanish. how I hate when he does it, but then again, how I love him. my beautiful beautiful boy, I gifted him that song and told him it described him very well. a very beautiful boy. I've dreamt of love this good, and I've got it, saul hudson will forever be the man I love. if we're together or broken up, far or close, in love or fighting, he will always be that angel that sits in my heart, strumming his guitar without a care in the world, singing my favourite songs to me, letting me run my fingers through his untamed curls. I wonder if we ever have kids and if they'll take after him, I hope they do, how I would love little version of him, with his beautiful brown eyes, gorgeous black curls, beautiful facial features, warm coloured skin.

how I love him, my sweet beautiful boy, my guardian angel. y/n l/n ♥ Saul hadn't noticed how hard he began sobbing, this was how much she loved him. and yet all he did was tell her he didn't love her at all. he pulled the leather-covered book to his chest and pull his knees to his chest. not realizing that the door had opened and revealed the mess of an apartment to his two friends. Steven's eyes quickly made their way to Saul, who was surrounded by broken glass, and wood. Duff looked around, getting an idea of what just might have gone down. they both rushed over to Slash, glass breaking underneath their steps "Hey man" Steven said as he crouched down to Slash's level "we need you to calm down alright? so you can tell us what happened and where y/n is" the smaller blonde explained as Duff rubbed Sauls back 

"get him some water, Adler" Duff said as Steven rushed to do so. it didn't take Steven long before he made his way back to them handing Saul the glass, who chugged it down rather quickly. "could you now tell us what happened?" Duff asked, Saul, keeping his gaze straight ahead "she found out I relapsed.she flushed all my shit down the drain, and I got mad at her. I yelled, I threw things, broke some more, i-i told her I didn't love her... that I would never forgive her for what she did, fuck man- I told her I hated her, despised her even" he mumbled letting out a sob towards the end "and she told me to go fuck myself, and when I tried to touch her, she moved away and told me to not touch her, and then she... she left without another word. I need her, I really really love her and I fucked up" he mumbled tears rolling down his cheeks, not caring that this had to be the first time he'd cried around the guys. 

Steven squeezed his shoulder before sighing "let's get you to bed, and then I'll clean up here and Duff can go look for y/n/n, okay?" Steven told his friend before he and Duff had helped Slash up and to his bed, the one he and y/n got up from not long ago. the minute Saul's head touched the pillow, he was out. Duff noticed y/n's journal in Saul's grip, he took it and placed it on the bedside table before leaving the room and closing the door behind him, Steven grabbed a garbage bag and began cleaning up the glass "you knew. you knew he was doing drugs again and didn't say a word to her." Steven told Duff looking at him "I know, I already feel like an asshole" the man said as he sat down on the couch ..... part 2 will be up soon, I promise!! thoughts?