Music To Write Boys To

Music To Write Boys To

Chapter 6: High Infidelity

Saturday, November 15, 2014

10:47 pm

You follow them into the ladies' room and drag Nick into a stall so you can listen. Just focus, I can’t afford to get distracted by Nick right now. Nick and the way his arms were on either side of me against the wall. Then, you hear the women talking.

“I heard from Stacy that someone sicced the police on Charlie.” One of the women says.

“Oh my! For what reason?”

“Apparently, he beats Diane.”

“He’s from down south, I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“She always seems so happy and put together. I just don’t know what to make of it.”

“My hubby tells me that Charlie is one of them gun nuts. I don’t trust that kind of people. There are rumors that they argue plenty.”

“Couples argue all the time.”

“The help hears everything and they gossip. They hear him yelling and breaking things.”

You hear the stall door opening, you panic and turn to Nick. Crap I should’ve thought this through. “Kiss me.” You whisper to him, hoping he just goes along with it. He doesn't hesitate. You run your hands through his hair as he presses his body impossibly close to yours. You can taste the champagne on his tongue, you moan as he bites your lip. You start kissing his neck as you reach for his belt buckle.

“Is someone there?” The women ask.

You pull away from each other, flustered. 

You step out of the stall, speechless. Nick stands behind you, attempting to wipe the lipstick stains from his face but essentially making it worse. “I’m so sorry, I uh…” You stumble for an excuse. At least this looks realistic and awkward enough that they won’t ask questions.

“Oh.” They laugh. “Do you remember how it was when you first got engaged Anne? I could barely keep my clothes on.” 

The car ride back to the precinct is silent. “Well, that was a bust.” You announce breaking the tension.

Nick rubs his face, “What do we tell Benson?” You shrug.

“Can we talk about what happened?” Nick asks.

“In the bathroom? I panicked. I’m sorry.”

“Do you regret it?”

“We just doing our job.” Terribly. We really fucked up. Casualty count? One. This partnership.

“And in the ballroom?” 

“We were acting the part.” But if we’re pointing fingers, YOU kissed ME!

“If you had to do it all over, would you do it again?”

You glare at him, “What?”

“It’s a simple question, would you kiss me like that again?”

“When would this ever happen again?”

“But if it did?”

“It wouldn’t.”

“Let’s just pretend it did.” Nick says exasperatedly.

“No.”

He glances over at you, “What about the other night?”

You fiddle with your necklace, “What about it?”

“Were we just ‘doing our job’ then?”

You cross your arms over your chest, “Nothing happened.” Was he checking me out? You drop your arms and sit up, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Fine.” After a minute he mutters, “I think you would.”

You raise one eyebrow and he continues, “I think you would kiss me again.” You open your mouth to say something but decide against it, instead you stare out the window. 

After briefing Olivia together, Nick drove you home. He said nothing to you the entire time. Your thoughts were preoccupied with wishing this night never happened and wanting to jump out of the car to avoid the tension. You realize you’re still wearing the stupid ring as you enter your apartment. You take it off and slip it into your jacket. Nick’s jacket. Fuck I might as well clear a part of my closet for his clothes. You were so angry. You weren’t entirely sure if you were mad at yourself for being so stupid—or Nick Amaro, for being so stubborn. And for making me love him. UGH, I hate him. You didn’t. You take off your heels and start to walk towards the bathroom when you hear a knock at the door. Maybe he came to his senses and wanted to apologize. You unlock the door to see Chase. “Why do you have a phone if you don’t bother to pick it up?”

“I was working.” You state matter of factly.

“You never make time for me. You’re always too busy to watch me perform. I’m at your beck and call. I thought this time might be different.”

“I know this might be hard for you to grasp but my life doesn’t revolve around you. I’m a cop! I can’t just say, ‘no thanks, no crime for me today’. And what do you mean by ‘this time’?”

“I’m not even a part of your life. Do you want to be with me?”

No. I don’t know. “I just think maybe we’re moving too fast. What do you mean by ‘this time’?” 

He begins to pace,  “I’ve waited for years for you to be ready. When you joined the academy, we lost touch and I moved on. Then, you just texted me out of the blue. I thought maybe you were ready to grow up.”

Ouch. “I didn’t make you come over that night. I didn’t make you date me. I didn’t ask you to ‘wait’ for me. I’m all grown up, you’re the one throwing a fucking tantrum.” You’re so close to crying, tonight had been shitty enough without this bullshit.

“I just hoped you were done acting like a drunk slut. What are you running from?”

You were too stunned to reply so you try justifying yourself instead, “I’m not running from anything.”

“Maybe you’re running from yourself. Do you hate yourself that much?”

“Shut up.”

“Were you with him?” 

“What are you implying?”

He gets close to your face, “I”m gonna ask you this once, are you fucking him?”

“I don’t have to defend myself on something that didn’t happen.” Okay, so I bent the truth a little. You open your front door and tell him to get out. When he’s gone, you grab a bottle of vodka from the back of the cabinet. You turn the bathtub facet on and get in. You hate Chase and you want to hate Amaro. You feel confused and angry but underneath that, you just feel fucking empty. You couldn’t even force yourself to cry after all that happened so instead you take a swig from the bottle. What am I running from?

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Music To Watch Boys To

Chapter 5: Salvatore

Monday, November 10, 2014

7 am

You’re completely soaked, lying on the hood of his car. He’s hovering over you, his lips on yours. His tie in one of your hands, you want him as close as possible. The other hand is in his hair. He bites your lower lip and you moan. His left hand is under your dress, your only source of warmth as it rains. His other hand grips your waist. His lips move to your neck, then your breast. He stops slightly, out of breath. He holds your face in his right hand and whispers, “Me haces arder de deseo cariño.”

You jolt awake as the alarm goes off. Yet another dream about how differently that night could’ve ended. You remove Chase’s arm from your stomach. He’s so fucking clingy. Why is he here every day? His place is better than this shoebox. I totally get why couples slept in different bedrooms in the past. You shower and get dressed. Chase has been driving you to and from work. He insisted, “I never get to see you otherwise.” Truthfully, it made avoiding Nick and an awkward conversation easier.

Chase pulls up to the precinct just as Nick crosses the street with two cups in a coffee holder. He smiles at you and says good morning, then his eyes notice Chase. You both get out of the car. “Hey, man. I’m Chase, the boyfriend. You must be one of her coworkers.” Wait, did we discuss labels? You might as well go with it.

“Nick Amaro, her partner. Nice to finally meet you.”

You gape at your watch and loudly say, “Would you look at the time? We’ve got to get in there. I’ll see you later.” Unfortunately, you decide to point a finger gun at your boyfriend while saying this. 

In the elevator, Nick turns to you and remarks, “Jace seems like a great guy. I don’t know if he’s really your type though.”

His name is Chase and Nick knows that. You don’t dignify whatever this was with a response, you just smile. 

Olivia tells the squad there was an anonymous report about domestic abuse in the Upper East Side. “Fin and Rollins, I want you to check it out. Talk to the couple separately, canvass the neighbourhood.” She then turns to you and Nick, “You’re testifying against Michaelis tomorrow. Barba wants to prep you two in court today.”

You return to the squad room after being grilled in court and watching Nick suffer through the same, for almost two hours. Liv, Fin, and Amanda are in Liv’s office discussing something when you and Nick walk in. “Did you have fun?” Amanda teases. 

“So much fun, I didn’t want it to end.” You reply.

Fin fills in the blanks, “We got nowhere with the Hastings. Then, they practically kicked us out. They said they’re busy planning a big charity ball and don’t have time for a ‘witch hunt’.”

“We can try to infiltrate their social circle, maybe find out if they know anything.” Rollins suggests.

“These people don’t turn on each other easily. And even if we could pull any gossip out of them, how do we get near without raising alarms?” You add.

“Why don’t we ask your boyfriend?” Nick interjects while staring at you.

You furrow your brows, “Excuse me?”

“He has connections to these people, right? He could get us invites.”

“Through his parents, maybe.”

“Then it wouldn’t hurt to try.” Liv declares. Damn you Amaro.

Everyone returned to their desks after the discussion was over. You ended your call with Chase, “He’s going to talk to his parents and he’ll let me know.” 

“Rollins and Fin can’t go undercover to the ball because they’d get recognized. That leaves you and me.” Nick observes. “Do you think his parents would recognize you?”

“I’ve never met them.”

“Really? Huh.” He puts his hand under his chin.

“What?”

“It's just, you’ve known him for a long time.”

“Yeah, but we just started dating.” 

“I’m just saying if I liked a girl, I’d want my mother to meet her.”

You tease, “So do you take Cesaria to meet all your dates?”

“You’re not funny.”

You sigh and place a hand over your heart, “You wound me, Nick.”

Saturday, November 15, 2014

9 pm

You and Nick sit in the backseat, watching as guests arrive in their town cars and rented limousines. He’s wearing a three-piece black tuxedo, with a burgundy bow tie. His bow tie matched the colour of your dress, a floor-length, sleeveless dress with a sweetheart neckline.

He pulls out a $1 ring and takes your left hand, “Will you be my fake wife?”

You wipe away an imaginary tear, “I thought you’d never ask.”

While Nick gets you a drink, you are approached by two middle-aged women. “We haven’t seen you here before.” They observe.

“We’re new to Manhattan, just moved from Miami.”

“We?”

You show them your ring briefly, “My fiance and I.”

Before you can watch around for Nick you feel a hand on your lower back, and he whispers in your ears, “Caio, amore.” Oh great, he remembers that I said that. “Here’s your drink babe.”

You introduce him to the women while his hand stays on your back. Your hand hugs his bicep. They leave to continue socializing and you whisper, “We should try to blend in.”

“Do you want to slow dance?” He asks. “So we don’t draw attention to ourselves.”

You feel curious eyes on you as Nick slowly dances you around the room. 

He takes your right hand from his shoulder and holds it in his. He asks, “Are you cold?”

“I still haven’t returned your coat.” You realize.

“I know.” He says as he takes off his tuxedo jacket and helps you into it.

“Why didn’t you ask?”

“I have others. Besides, you look better in my clothes than I do.”

You wish he wouldn’t utter things like that. It makes you stupid and hopeful. You pretend to fix his hair, he leans down to kiss you and you let him. A newly engaged couple kissing, no one is going to suspect anything. We’re just kissing to protect our cover. There is nothing unprofessional about this situation at all.

In your peripheral vision, you notice two women who interacted with everyone including the Hastings, head to the bathroom. “I bet those two chatty-cathys know something juicy that we can probably use.”

“What’s your plan? Follow them to the bathroom and hope for the best?” Nick asks.

“Exactly.” You deadpan, as you take his hand and try to subtly follow. Please don’t get caught.


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detectiveguapo3 - Rebecca
Rebecca

wannable artist, professional sad girl

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