You Love Me, I Love You

Carlos Sainz

#smoooth operator

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Crawl home to her

Bucky Barnes x fem!enhanced!reader

Summary - Bucky's nightmares never seem to stop, and he despises himself for dragging you down with him.

Word count - 1.7k

Warnings - Angst, descriptions of torture, descriptions of seizures, PTSD, mentions of blood, sad fluff at the end.

A/N - Reader does have powers in this fic which aren't really explained but hopefully they're easy to understand, I kind of imagine them to be similar to Wanda's in certain aspects. Also, apologies if my writing is kinda wordy in this, I kinda went off on one and couldn't stop. Enjoy :)

The title is based off a lyric from work song by hozier.

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It was like something carved from a horror movie.

The giant, hulking figure emerging from the chamber, the surrounding air clouded with vapor so cold it burned to the touch.

His face was concealed, a black mask and goggles hiding the human features beneath, with silver, reflective metal taking the place of his left arm, gleaming in the yellow overhead lights. He looked solely like something built for destruction.

The soldier was put in the chair before he could even comprehend that he was awake.

They had strapped his wrists to metal, encasing his head in a familiar contraption and his mouth was forced open by rough hands on his jaw, rubber shoved between his teeth.

He was vaguely aware of the routine. Everything was familiar in a way that made his skin crawl and his hair stand on end, but for all he knew, there was no reason to be scared, soldiers don't feel fear, and emotion only gets in the way of the mission.

He could barely taste the bitterness of the rubber before he heard the whir of a machine begin, and he was so mind-numbingly cold that he could almost barely feel the electricity suddenly tearing through his skull.

He didn't scream, he barely moved, and it would be easy to wonder if he could even feel it, or if pain was just another thing that Hydra took from him, just to strip him even further of his humanity, but he felt every second, his body just too in shock to react, convulsing in his restrains.

The agony seemed to last hours, pain so intense that he could barely breathe, but the machine eventually came to a slow halt, the rubber taken from his mouth, and the soldier heaved his first full breath in what felt like years, the cold air filling his lungs too fast and ripping back through his oesophagus in painful coughs.

Once the coughing had ended, he let his head fall back against the leather beneath him.

His veins were on fire, crawling in his skin as icy heat travelled up his forearm and carved its way through his neck, residing in his temples with a throbbing headache. His jaw ached, as did every single muscle in his body and when he rolled his eyes open, he found that the bright lights surrounding him kept him blind to the people standing in the room, crowding around the soldier writhing and twitching in the chair as if he was some kind of circus monkey to be watched for their amusement.

He managed to unclench his fists and release his jaw, feeling his body go lax for a few seconds before he felt a spike in his heart rate, his muscles tensing against his will as his eyes rolled back.

Then he was gone, unaware of the stares of the doctors writing on their notepads when he began seizing for the first time this session. None of them stepped forward, not a single medic attempted to check on the soldier, or wipe the blood that spilled from his lips when his teeth clamped down onto his tongue.

He was only given a few seconds of refuge after the seizure had ended, before he was torn away again, his body taken with another, and another, and another. It was endless.

His chest spasming with every gasping breath, every muscle in his body clenched painfully. He wasn't present enough to see a man in a white coat move closer to him, positioning the headpiece over his face again and this time not even bothering with the mouthguard before the electricity returned, and his brain caught fire again.

This time, he screamed until the sound died in his throat and his vocal cords refused to make any more noise. A vague image of a man with blonde hair, standing straight with a shield pulled to his chest, flashed behind his eyes, and a part of him felt relieved at the sight, as if the man in his memories could somehow save him from this living hell, but the thought disappeared before he could even acknowledge it, and this time, when the machine finally stopped, he passed out before he could feel the after affects, pulled under when his body and mind could no longer handle the agony, deciding to just completely shut down instead.

______________________

You woke with a start, Bucky's harrowing scream beside you as you sat up so fast your head spun, and you stretched out an arm into the darkness, searching for the table lamp to your right and wasting no time in turning it on, bathing your bedroom in warm light.

Crawling onto your knees, tears were already forming wet tracks down your cheeks as your lover cried out in his sleep, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly behind his eyelids, hair stuck to his forehead, bare chest glistening with a sheen of sweat as he heaved for breath.

You reached for him and pressed your hand against his forehead, no hesitation as your eyes glowed unnaturally in the dim light, forcing Bucky awake with your ability.

There was no way you'd let him sleep through that one, no matter what his therapist demands.

Bucky's eyes tore open as he gasped for air, staring up at the ceiling with wide, unblinking eyes.

"Bucky?" You asked quietly, not wanting to risk startling him further as your hand hovered over his shaking form.

He looked at you, relief flashing in his eyes before he eyed the tears dripping down your chin and his mind clouded with guilt.

It was too often that you found yourself falling into Bucky's dreams. And no matter how many times you tried to convince him that it wasn't his fault, he'd never believe you, he knew better, and he knew how your powers worked.

He pulled himself up, resting his back against the headboard and letting his eyes fall shut for a moment, listening to your racing heartbeat with the saddest look on his face. He then opened his eyes, a tear of his own falling down his cheek as he looked at you and parted his lips with a shaky breath, "I did it again, didn't I?"

His voice sounded broken, shot from all the screaming he had done before, it broke your heart and you leapt forward, wrapping your arms around him and letting him hold you tightly, clutching you to his frame as he cried, repeating over and over how sorry he was.

You stroked his hair affectionately as you both cried.

"It's okay Buck, it's not your fault."

He was so distraught by his nightmares, that he was reaching out for you in his sleep, pulling you from your own mind and trapping you into his, forcing you to witness the horrific things that Bucky endured, or the things that he did.

Each time it happened, he blamed himself, despising the fact that he was forcing you to live his trauma, but you would never stop reminding him that it was okay, you'd seen much worse, and he would always be worth it.

Sometimes a deep-rooted, selfish part of him would be glad for your abilities, he doesn't have to explain to you the horrors he had faced in his past, you'd seen them for yourself, lived his darkest moments through his own eyes, but then the guilt would creep in, washing away the thoughts every time he woke up trembling with fear, and you'd be there beside him, shaking just the same.

He apologised to you again as the tears came to a slow stop, his face still buried in the crook of your neck, shivering against you when your fingers dragged softly across his spine, soothing him just the way you always did.

You pulled back this time, hand reaching for his jaw when he refused to look at you, tilting his head for his eyes to meet yours, and your face was serious as you spoke.

"You have nothing to apologise for, James. I want to help. If I couldn't handle this, love, I wouldn't be here, but I love you, and I want to stay." You assured him, your gaze flicking between his eyes, urging him to believe you, to stop carrying this guilt he had no reason to carry.

"I just- You don't need to see any of that." He whispered back, eyes red and bloodshot, breath shaky.

You smiled softly at him, your right hand sliding to the back of his neck, as you pushed his head down to yours, resting your forehead against his, noses brushing together, a simple action so intense and intimate that Bucky gulped, his eyebrows tightly furrowed.

"I'm okay, Bucky, I promise you, I'm okay," Your warm breath fanned against his lips as you spoke, and his eyes fluttered shut, "I just want to take care of you."

A shaky breath fell from his lips, cursing the tears that threatened to return at such simple words, but fuck if they didn't hit him hard.

He couldn't remember a time when someone had wanted to take care of him, not since he was a young boy, before his father died, before he had to step up to take care of his mother and sisters, working illegal shifts at the local factory at the age of 15.

But you wanted to take care of him.

He leaned forward and locked his lips with yours, his hands reaching out to pull you closer and closer in hopes that you'd eventually sink into his chest, finally close enough that his constant need for your touch would be satiated.

He broke away to speak against your lips, so magnetised to your kiss that he couldn't possibly pull back far enough to breathe air that wasn't your own, "Thank you."

eddie as ur sweet bf headcanons🎀

warnings: none just pure fluff

* absolutely loves to lay on ur tummy after sex, rub your sore thighs or scratch your head comfortingly

* his love languages are definitely touch and giving you handmade gifts but i also feel like he tends to shower you in genuine compliments n words of affirmation because he didn't get to hear them as much growing up and doesn't want you to ever feel that way :((

* steals lipgloss for you because he loves watching you apply it sitting pretty next to him in his van

* carries your hairbands on his wrist all the time because he knows how frustrated you get when you forget them at home

* strengthens the grip on your hand when he notices you being anxious about something

* you having to physically shut him up with a kiss before going to bed because he just won't stop talking around that time ...adhd things

* loses his shit when you ask about the songs he jams to in his car, and starts to elencate every detail of the specific artist/band you asked about

* thinks your natural hair is 'metal' and constantly compliments it when you're styling it

* his only rule for you is to wear his band tees when you're in his trailer; he loves loves loves to see you snug into them use them and wear nothing but panties under - it actually drives him insane -

* lays his arms over your shoulders or holds your hand when you walk together

* loves to show you off at every chance he gets

* ritually takes you to school every morning which forces him to attend it too

* also takes you home or to his trailer after school and gives you space to finish homework n admires how cute you look studying and annotating in the little notepad he bought you

* purposely gets his hair messy to get your manicured nails between his curls and apply your own hair products that he loves so much on them

* finds it comforting when you wash his hair after a long d&d night, shampooing and conditioning his hair in your polished bathroom as you sweetly ask him questions about his day and he updates you on everything you missed

* returns the the favor by simply passing you the extensions for your box braids or by holding your hair up when you're putting it in a ponytail (might make a blurb solely out of this)

Eddie Munson is a forehead kiss guy. (Well an any kiss guy really but) LOVES when you’re sitting in his lap or laying over him and you push his curls up and away to plant a smooch. Refuses to admit it out loud but that kind of innocent show of affection makes him QUAKE. He’s already blushing, grinning like a goofball before you’re even pulling away to look at him. It makes you want to do it again, so you do. He always laughs the second time, tries to play it off by calling you a sap, but you can tell he loves it by the way his eyes have become all soft and shiny. Literally like a puppy dog he’ll lean forward into your mouth to get one more to the forehead, closer to between his eyebrows, before moving up to kiss the smug smile right off your face the second it appears.

• #nr6

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Jasper Hale Headcanon

(No real warnings, just a small bit of want I think it would be like dating Jasper/Major)

~Jasper is not the jealous type.  Not even a little bit.

        •He is secure in himself and in your relationship

        •He can feel exactly how you feel about him which means idiots like Mike Newton don't get under his skin when they flirt, and they always do

        •It actually makes Jasper feel good to know that his girlfriend is so desirable, he knows his girl is beautiful, he's not blind

        •Hands however.  Hands is a different story.

        •The moment it stops being innocent flirting and someone thinks they have the ability...The Right...to put their hands on you, that's when it stops being funny or sweet or anything but enraging to the ex Major of the southern armies

        •One of the football players got his wrist snapped the first time he touched you and no one ever put their hands on you again

        •Carlisle was called into the principles office to meet with the boys parents, his parents left scolding their son on the way out and Jasper went home with his girl.

~Rosalie and Jasper have become like twins over the years of playing them and she's very protective of him.

        •She hates you at first

        •Absolutely despises you

       •Jasper actually has to put his foot down with her eventually as she scares you a bit too much and he will not have anyone frightening his mate

        •It takes about 6 months but she does come around when she overhears you sticking up for her brother to your group of friends who seemed to think that because they were your friends they could talk about your boyfriend however they wanted.  They pointed out how angry he looked, or pained, or how he never spoke to anyone asking things that were none of their business until one of them pointed out his scars having seen some on his hands in a class she sat beside him in and the moment Rosalie heard you Go Off on your friend was the moment she decided she actually approved.

~Speaking of his scars, he can't believe you don't care about them

        •It is one of the few things Jasper can't stand about himself and the first time you actually saw them the feeling that washed over you from him accidentally projecting was sickening.

        •He was shocked when you started yelling at him...yelling at him...

        •You made it very clear how you felt about them and about his time with Maria, none of it being his fault.  He did what he was taught and had no concept of another way of life for a vampire, he fed like he was taught and fought like he was taught and in your opinion it was 100% Maria's fault.

        •You nearly made him cry when you took the time to kiss along every single scar you could see with your weak human eyes, moving from his arms to his neck and jaw before kissing him.

        •That was your first kiss and it was perfect for the both of you, neither of you being able to imagine a more tender or loving moment and he never again spoke about his hatred of the scars on his body, at least nowhere you could hear him

~The Major was something that Jasper had briefly spoken to you about, not wanting to scare you with the idea of an alternate personality, promising you he had complete control of it, until of course he didn't.

•The first time you met the Major was in your bedroom when you were both alone in your house, which scared you at first but now you realize was a good thing, not needing everyone in his house to run in and try to restrain him from you.

•The Major was someone that previously only Rosalie could really deal with as she was the only person he didn't dislike, both Carlisle and Edward being too uptight, Alice and Emmett being too excitable and in your face and Bella being too...tasty. The only other person who never had to worry around him was Esme, who he found sweet and almost innocent in how kind she was to him the first time everyone met him when he tried to tear Emmett's head off.

•You had just come back from visiting the Rez with Bella and Jasper was unaware that it was happening until Bella came to their house that night to see Edward and casually mentioned it. He was at your house in less than a minute. By the time he got there he was aware that The Major was just as upset as he was but he needed to see that you were okay.

•'It's okay Jazz, it's not a big deal, I hung out with Paul all the time when we were kids and I visited Forks to see my dad, he was my best friend. Yeah he's a bit more...wolfy now, but it's alright and he got plenty far away from me when he got mad.'

'He shifted in front of you?! You saw him?!'

'Yeah but it's fine, he was just pissed when he found out I was dating a vampire but if he wants our friendship to continue he's gonna have to deal with it...Jazz? Are you okay? You're grabbing at your head like you're in pain, I didn't think vampires could get headaches...Ja-'

'Jasper ain't here right now.' It took him a second but he straightened up, his back almost rigid and his accent thicker than you had ever heard it before. 'Don't be afraid, I can feel how scared ya are Sugar, ya don't need to be. You're my mate as much as ya are Jasper's and I would never hurt my mate.'

•You didn't feel threatened by him at all knowing he was right, Jasper would never hurt his mate and that means The Major wouldn't either. You argued about him not wanting you on the Rez anymore but you stood your ground, determined to keep your childhood friend as long as you could, knowing he wouldn't be able to see you again once Jasper changed you. He clearly wasn't used to you like Jasper was, arguing much longer than he would have and eventually getting kicked out when he tried to put his foot down on the subject, only getting a chuckle from you at the idea of that.

•You waited into the night for Jasper to come back and around 10 o'clock your window opened again, your blond Texan emerging from the cold but as soon as you saw his body language you knew it still wasn't him.

•'I thought I told you to get out. I don't want a man that thinks he can control me in my room and I-'

'I'm sorry.'

'-don't-huh?'

He took a deep unneeded breath before continuing. 'I need to apologize Sugar, first time ya met me and I pitched a hissy fit. I'm sorry...I won't try and stop ya from seeing your friend anymore but...please be careful, I want phone calls when you go and when you're coming back, pick ya up at the border myself if ya need, don't hide it no more and I swear to god if one of 'em hurts ya there ain't a treaty in the world that'll stop me, I'll kill 'em all, I-' you shut him up with a forceful kiss and his hands grabbed your waist instantly, enjoying his first time getting to kiss you when you pulled back, looking at what you felt in his hand. 'Oh, I uh-I got ya this. Know ya like 'em stuffed animals, Jaspers gotten you like 20 of 'em but uh...I don't remember much from being human, I mean Jasper doesn't uh-anyway I remember huntin' with someone and black bears is one of the only things I remember and I tried to figure if ya had one or not and...well I got this one for ya.’

•That pulled at your heart strings and you took the stuffie, pulling him over to your bed and snuggling in with him for the rest of the night. Somewhere through the night Jasper came back to himself, actually waking you up to make sure you were okay, physically and with him all around.

•You are the only person that has ever accepted Jasper so easily in everything, everything he's insecure about and everything most people are scared of but you love him too much not to.

I got a little carried away with the Major bit but I have quite a few firm thoughts about him and what he's really like so, maybe more in the future if you want.

This scene changed lives