Roy Harper: *recording* So Someone Told Me Non-binary People Don't Exist But I Found This In My Closet

Justice League Moments Caught on Live Television (part 2)

Superman: Say it.

Batman: No.

Superman: SAY IT.

Batman: *mumbles too softly to be heard*

Superman: Can’t hear you.

Batman: You have superhearing, Superman.

Superman: I can wait as long as it takes.

Batman:

Batman, just loudly enough for the microphone to pick it up: You’re my best friend.

Superman: *is beaming*

Batman: Can we finish the fight NOW?

Superman: After you………bestie.

Batman: *long, drawn-out sigh*

Superman: ☺️

—————

Aquaman: Stop calling me a fish.

Green Lantern: Okay, but TECHNICALLY…

—————

Martian Manhunter: *sitting there in serene silence*

Constantine: *also just sitting there albeit not quite as serenely*

Martian Manhunter:

Constantine:

Martian Manhunter:

Constantine:

Captain Marvel: Would you two cut it OUT already? I can’t take much more of this.

—————

Flash: Wait, what’s Batman running away from?

Black Canary, watching Batman take off in the batplane: His feelings.

Flash: Oh, okay. Yeah, that tracks.

—————

Green Arrow: No, you don’t get it. I can’t retire, Arsenal called me old.

—————

Green Lantern: This is the fourth time this week.

Flash: No wonder Batman’s so annoyed.

Green Lantern: If I try really hard I bet I can make it five.

—————

Wonder Woman: I leave for FIVE minutes.

—————

Green Arrow: I’m just saying, I’m not sharing grandkids with Batman.

—————

Superman: Ope, sorry, let me just…

Martian Manhunter: Your continued success is a mystery to me.

Superman: Oh yeah, Batman hates it.

—————

Flash: This is the WORST timeline.

—————

Superman: Maybe we should call Nightwing.

Batman: We do NOT need to call Nightwing.

—————

Black Canary: *long, long sigh*

—————

Green Lantern: YOU go deal with it.

Constantine: You do realize Batman’s children are not actually demons, right?

—————

Batman: *laughing*

Zatanna: Did Flash break the timeline again or something?

—————

Constantine: On three?

Zatanna: Rock, Paper, Scissors, GO.

Constantine:

Constantine: Dammit.

—————

Green Arrow: Stop calling Batman’s kids for backup. Yesterday Red Hood laughed at me for twenty minutes straight.

—————

Aquaman: Do I look like I know where Montana is?

—————

Captain Marvel: Come on, I don’t need vegetables.

Flash: A half cup of broccoli is not going to kill you.

Captain Marvel: You don’t know that.

Flash: You don’t know that it will.

Captain Marvel: It might.

Flash: Science experiment?

Green Lantern: We can’t do experiments that may result in death though, remember? Batman put it in the rules.

Flash: You’re just as bad, you know that?

Green Lantern: I have enough green in my name I don’t need it in my food too.

(Part 1)

CoD incorrect quotes BUT Price is everyone’s dad bc why not lol

*throws confetti*

Price: we all have our own demons

Price, gesturing at the TF141: these are mine

*at zoo*

Soap: what are they in for?

Price: this isn’t a prison…

Gaz: so they can leave?

Price: no, but…

Ghost, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone

Soap, holding a python: guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?

Price: YOU DID WHAT?!?

Gaz: William Snakespear

Gaz, gesturing at Price: Soap! Look what you did! You made dad upset

Soap: dad, please don’t cry. We’re sorry…

Price, drunk out of his mind and near tears: I DONT REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

Price: IM NOT A FATHER FIGURE

Ghost: what are you doing??

Price, holding a knife above a sandwich: Gaz doesn’t like the crust

Bonus!

He sticks their mission reports on the fridge and THAT’S, ladies and gentlemen and others, CANON!!!

[Justice League group chat]

Bruce: *gets added to the chat*

Hal: Daddy.

Barry: Daddy.

Clark: Daddy.

Arthur: Stop being loud, I'm napping.

Arthur: Oh, hi Daddy.

Bruce: *leaves the chat*

Soap: Instead of of 141, this task force name should be skittles because everyone on this team is so gay we could be confused for a bag of skittles

Alex: We’re not all-

Soap: Oh don’t even start!

Soap: Me, a man loving bisexual!

Soap: That one *points at Ghost* if fucking gay as hell and I know that for a FACT because he fucks my brains out regularly!

Soap: That one *pointe at Price* Is a bisexual bear!

Soap: KATE IS A LESBIAN WITH A WHOLE ASS WIFE

Soap: That one! *pointing at Gaz* is a pansexual who hasn’t gotten laid in MONTHS!

Gaz: HEY!!

Soap: WE WORK WITH ALEJANDRO AND RUDY WHO ARE FUCKING MARRIED!

Soap: That one! *pointing at Farah* Your girlfriend who, let’s face is, you’re gonna end up marrying one day, is a woman loving bisexual DESPITE the fact that she’s with you right now!

Farah: Pretty sure I could be considered a lesbian while dating him

Soap: AND YOU! Just because you were a man whore for women before Farah doesn’t mean we all haven’t seen you kiss a few men before you two met! For all we know you could have hooked up with one or more of them!

a collection

I was bored so I decided to comedically describe what some of DC superheroes powers are, but horribly summarized.

Superman: Big dick energy

Batman: White privilege

Wonder Woman: Bondage and femdom/ the baddest bitch alive

The Flash: "🎶He's a runner, he's track star--*

Green Arrow: Also white privilege, but from wish

Black Canary: "Damn, that white girl can scream"

Huntress:"Hahaha! You messed with the wrong white girl!"

The Batfam as getting called to the principal office?

[in the hallway]

Bruce: Explain. Now.

Duke: Well, it all started when I kinda-sorta-not-accidentally started a food fight by using a hamburger as a hackey sack.

Damian: And he roped me into it by insulting my honor.

Steph: He just called you short. Get over it, pipsqueak.

Bruce: Why are you here?

Steph: Duke called for backup after Damian made a napkin sword, so I brought it.

Cass: I'm backup.

Tim: And the car you stole to get here was mine.

Bruce: Okay, what about you, Dick?

Dick: The school got your voicemail so they called me, but then I needed to use the bathroom and flooded it. It was an accident!

Bruce: And Jason?

Jason: Missing assignments.

The principal: Mr. Wayne?

Bruce: That's me.

The principal: These are all your children?

Bruce: Apparently.

The principal: I see. Please step into my office.

[later that afternoon]

The principal: Welcome to detention. All of you will do as you're told and there will be no talking.n

The principal: Mr. Thomas, you must compose a three-page essay on why you should not play with your food.

The principal: Mr. Wayne junior, you must come up with ten appropriate responses to teasing that don't involve physical escalation.

The principal: Miss Brown, you must give a speech on why stealing cars is wrong.

The principal: Miss Cain, you must stand in the corner until I tell you to come out.

The principal: Mr. Drake, you must read and sign the contracts that you were hiding in your car to avoid.

The principal: Mr. Grayson, you must help the janitor scrub the bathrooms.

The principal: Mr. Todd, you must write a book report on To Kill A Mockingbird, build an electrical circuit, debate a current event, and complete pages one through thirty of your algebra workbook.

The principal: And Mr. Wayne senior, you must come up to the chalkboard and write a hundred lines saying you are a grown man and will not pretend to be Batman.

I want Bruce to take care of the JL members like they're his children.

I want him to always make sure the kitchen at the watchtower is stocked with a variety of their favorite foods (especially sweets ans the like).

He'll also make sure everyone's quarters are perfectly tailored to their needs.

Like, when Flash mentions running cold after a stressful mission because he's burnt so many calories and it takes a while for his body to warm up again even if he starts eating immediately, fluffy blankets suddenly appear in his room and the temperature mysteriously rises whenever they've been out.

Clark once complains about the hum of the machinery keeping him from rest and the next time he's at the watchtower his room has been soundproofed, but with the option to turn it off in case he wants to listen out for what's happening on earth or something.

Bruce also makes sure to herd everyone to the medbay for a check-up after missions where he hovers and he behaves like a fierce mama bear. When a member returns to the field too early he'll full-on lecture them in front of everyone and there are several videos of this on social media.

Bruce does this for everyone. But some people (like Clark) get special attention, which means this behavior extends to their civilian life. So every once in a while, when Clark's had a bad day, a lunch delivery will arrive at his desk, containing his favorite meal, or something will break in his apartment (like his dishwasher that one time) but he has to get to work and doesn't have time to take care of it right then. It turns out he does have to. When he gets home, everything's fixed.

Like all Arab mothers Taila al Ghul wears sandals for one perpose and one perpose only.

It is the ultimate weapon of discipline. It flies at speeds that go upto 380 k/h. Easy to put on and very easy to take off to hit her boys.

Jason and Damian grew to fear the sound of sandals.

They didn't clean their rooms; hight speed sandal to the back of their heads.

Half assing training; sandal in the face.

Rushing thought prayers; oh is dear, is that shoe flying.

Stuffing food down their throats; that's a very nice look bruise at the back of your head there boys.

And you best believe that when Jason and Damian have kids of their own, Talia would buy sandals for them.