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The Vigil

Ive had to make the habit of scuffing my feet going around corners or when i walk away

i scare people lots because i walk very softly and they don’t hear me enter rooms so when they turn around i’m just kind of there and their fear fuels me

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

January was a tough year but we made it

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urban anarchist type autism is i know all the plants on my home street i recognize all common graffiti tags and i have favourites

i can tell you 16 places off the top of my head that the tag "333" in this one specific archaic style is found

i notice new tags, i see you unheard souls

i watch the tiny sapling, canadian maple, it has spent months trying to force its way through sidewalk concrete and i'd try and rehome it if its roots weren't caught there underneath

i have the city council queer representation person on e-mail speed dial, i carry 12 types of pen to cover up hateful graffiti and i carry industrial cleaner and a scraper to get rid of bigoted stickers and nazi propaganda

and in an envelope that i was given by my lover/friend i carry uncountable amounts of stickers

the cops stop me for random "check ins" when they see me remove graffiti and i'm white and i'm aware of what that privilege means, despite the tattoos on my fingers and all the things inside my bag i have never been arrested

and i have brought you food when you were sick, i took the city bus with tea and vegan ginger soup to help you rest and cure

and i have fixed a bench myself with my own hands and tighter screws when it came clear that between the city council and the store in front of which it stands nobody owned it and therefore noone cares that senior citizens could injure themselves sitting on a broken bench

and on another street the senior citizen residence, they know me cause i've asked for their maintenance ladder to remove some fascist shit high up on a streetlight right outside their building

i count the seasons based on what the bramble hedges do

and every full moon new i silently rejoice, O Máni, that the wolves have not yet caught you

:SCRR

Got some punk albertan critters sticker designs done! all native species except the rat (iykyk) and my cat.... Might have more. If u have the capability or know a printer who does single/small jobs feel free to use for personal use (like dont get 100 made but a couple for u and a friend w.e.). Not to sell. I might make em into patches eventually myself as well. >>link to download (cat+rat seperate)<<

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free