Twisted Up

Vindictive

You wounded my pride so I want you to bleed.

Eye for an eye? Fuck that. I'd go for the throat.

Take more than my fair share.

Make your pain look baroque.

My ego needs to feed.

Falling

Tonight

Is a

profoundly

painful night

to be

alive.

I

want

to run

to

you and

hide.

But I Don't Want To

Widen Your Cracks

Running Up the Stairs

Slow down, my dear Self, stay calm,

make sure you walk before you run.

Be cautious lest your head gets spun!

You know that you're prone to bomb

things that are placed in your palm.

I know, I know, it feels so fun...

high hopes and the best has begun,

but remember, heed the qualm!

Although... if you are cautious,

avoid the pain, and guard your heart

then are you truly living?

Doesn't that make you nauseous?

Is it not a costly part

to slave under misgivings?

Depression

Idiotic wretch,

You are my most familiar possession,

my very favourite obsession,

and so I think it's funny that you try to get away.

Fucking moron.

No amount of pharmaceutical repression

will sedate my twisted expression,

I'll just be here waiting for that single day.

Selfish prick.

Not a single soulful question

nor any moments of decompression

could ever bring colour to the grey.

Chickenshit.

So when you run out of medication

you might call it regression

but be honest, you know it's just a debt to pay.

Petulent asshole.

So who better than depression

to lead you to your funeral procession

and throw the black bouquet?

Shock

I laid sleeping

dreaming of love, lust, and friendship

comfortable and warm

insulated from the winter winds

when the lights jumped on

and the sheets flew away.

Now I'm awake

and worried I won't be able to

go back to sleep.

Wishes

I wish I could draw

I wish I could write

I wish I would die

I wish I would think

I wish I was hot

I wish I was fun

I wish I knew me

I wish I knew you

I wish I stopped wishing

And actually did something.

Fruits of Friendship

I

sometimes need help

to pull through.

Trust

overcomes my

stubborn pride.

You

extend your ever

helping hands.

We

stand together

against woes,

will

strengthening our

joint defense.

Bond

growing with my

life-long friend.

I

truly treasure

your gentle aid.

Love

taking it’s place

in my heart.

You

are someone I

depend on.

Doubt

If you cared you could have told them to wait

Instead of leaving me bleeding on hook and bait

Struggling to deal with the shock and the hate

Feeling like meat you labeled second-rate.

We all make mistakes, but was this one?

Or a sign of our future to come?

Could it be that you're changing, or that the change is done?

Maybe it's been this way and my perception was spun.

Self-satisfaction under the guise of necessity

Left me standing alone while you were in ecstasy

I feel used and abused and cast aside selfishly

Grappling with the reality that you'd chosen them over me.

Nobody owes me their body or their mind

There need be no repayment for being kind

but I refuse to ignore and refuse to stay blind

To asymmetry so clearly underlined

You'd feed the mouth that bites you

And I know you'd love it too

Selfish

Shower me with praise and affection.

Sometimes I'll reciprocate.

Put me before anyone else

and watch in reverent awe as I masturbate.

If you dare exist outside of my world,

I'll throw a fit

and lock myself away, expecting you to submit.

Dote upon me, and make sure to ask

"What's wrong? Are you ok?"

or I'll think the bridge is burned

and once again don my mask.

I know is bad behaviour

and I know it's not quite fair.

I try to keep it hidden,

stuffed away somewhere.

But like a starving beast

it rears it's ugly head

and when I see I'm not the sun

I wish one of us was dead.

The Outsider

I wander through the wilds

In the distance lie lights as bright as my own starry nights

And just like the stars, the lights are never alone

I wander close to those hallowed walls

Tall and cold stone, so cold I feel it through my bones and it reminds me that I'm alone

But beyond these walls, beyond this cold, the flames of kindred spirits grow old

They dance and burn, warming one another in shared bliss, but all it does is remind me that something is amiss

I wander through the words, thoughts swirling in my head

They jumble and tangle, fumble and dangle like they're hanging on thread

They stick like stones in my throat

I open my mouth

Nothing comes out

Desperately clinging to the friends I could be meeting, I claw at the walls

Climbing up and up towards those hearth warmed halls

But my courage wanes, another failure, another bad memory found as I fall to the ground without a sound

and I continue wandering through the wilds.