Butterflybastard - UwU

Lion dancers practicing out of costume

"Do you know the new tiktok trend where--" No.

When I was a child, many of my sensory issues were used as the butt of jokes by my family. I had many phobias due to these issues, but they were laughed off as they were seen as "extreme" or over the top.

Examples would be I was terrified of pinecones as young as 3 because I thought they were visually disturbing and dangerous. So, at the age of 4/5, we were in a park and I handed my mum my jacket so I could use the public loo. She proceeded to fill the pockets, sleeves and hood with pinecones.

I had a meltdown in the middle of a forest. I screamed and collapsed and i was told I was overreacting.

Now, this isn't good behaviour for an adult for any child.

But when you're an undiagnosed autistic, you begin to learn that your sensory pain doesn't matter. It's too much, and needs to be ignored.

Holding the door closed whilst the toilet flushed, another sensory pain was one done to me "for laughs". I was told it wasn't that big of a deal and I needed to grow up.

So, is it any wonder that late diagnosed (and probably many early diagnosed) autistics ignore their own needs? We don't want to be too much. We don't want to rock the boat and endure being told that we're overreacting and to just shut up.

To myself, raised in an environment that glorified and romanticized restriction and suffering:

There is no victory in skipping dinner, or lunch, or breakfast, or morning coffee, or dessert.

There is no victory in refusing heaters and air conditioners and fans and heated blankets.

There is no victory in denying yourself sleep, or showers, or movement, or water, or a comfortable bed, or taking the elevator vs. the stairs.

There is no victory in refusing pain meds and heating pads and ice packs and medical help.

There is no victory in punishing yourself needlessly, in telling yourself that this pain you feel is because you are bad to the core and deserve it.

There is no victory in choking back your laughter and your tears, to keep an imagined equilibrium of safety that is really just a dry, cracked, empty, endless emotional desert.

You are here. You are in this body, and this body is yours. You deserve good things. You are alive, and that is messy and loud, and messy and loud are okay.

It’s okay to live abundantly. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to indulge. This paralysis of self-punishment, self-restriction, self-loathing is not healthy or good for you.

extremely funny coupling of posts on my dash

✨Ava✨

A lenticular print you can unlock when you back the kickstarter here! Less than 8 days left to back.

You do not have the right to touch someone's disability aid without asking, whether that aid be a wheelchair or an AAC device.

"It's just a tablet, though." No, it is not. It is my voice. Touching or moving my device without my permission is like touching my mouth without permission, it's weird, gross, invasive, and rude. Stop.

Pushing someone's wheelchair without permission is like picking them up and moving them out of the way eithout permission, its weird, invasive, gross, and weird. Stop.

the soup poll AKA where are the chunks?

occasionally when discussing lunches and dinners and other such wonders i get the feeling when i say "Soup" i mean another persons definition of "Stew", and our communication is somewhat skewed. please tell me how you identify your wet meals

if you so desire, detail your decision With the place you grew up/learned your distinction in the tags

self discipline is so hard like. i know the sucker who's in charge...a pushover who hates authority and loves hedonism

🌷 A Bouquet of Tulips 🌷

Happy Valentine’s Day!