Burratatatata - Eventhemoonhasfreckles

I'm a jealous friend. Like I only want few friends but close to me. I don't care if they aren't intelligent or smart or rich or all that. I just want kind, loving and caring friends. And I'd kill myself for them a million times over and over again. But I failed to find friends who'd do the same for me. I do think that expecting them to put in the same efforts or value the friendship as much as you do, is unfair. But why do I feel insecure about friendships whenever I see them with others laughing and smiling. Am I not good enough? Am I not as cool as them? I swear a small part of me dies everytime I see one of my friends with someone else just having fun. I know that that's wrong and unfair. The funny thing is I am always there for my friends be it a breakup, an accident or an illness, but I push them away whenever I'm suffering and I keep expecting them to show up and take care of me and then ultimately get disappointed and heartbroken. I know I'm stupid. I can't let anyone take care of me, even when I can't take care of me. What an Irony.

that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

This is the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life. I thought it would get better after school and I'd find friend for life in college. Don't get me wrong I did find friends but I guess I set the bar so high in my mind that they couldn't possibly compete with that. But I still had the confidence in myself, the confidence that I was smart, intelligent, studious and hard-working (atleast when needed). I realised how tough it is outside the confines of hometown, your school, and your home friends. The best thing that ever happened to me was finding love in my bestfriend in college. And she did too (something I'll never understand, and we joke about it a lot saying she has "a bullet in her brain" #paradisePD) and so we dated. And it was magical. We were perfect. I forgot about my issues but they resurfaced after a while. We had to break up because of societal issues and religion. I'd be lying if I said we didn't have our problems but I truly believed we would've worked them out. I did have a depressive phase before but this is nothing like that one. I haven't had suicidal thoughts yet but more often than I'd admit, I find myself thinking how good it would be if I didn't wake up tomorrow morning. I don't have good medical facilities nearby me to get better. Tbh, I don't even know if I should. Last time when my parents found out I was taking antidepressants they flipped out and changed so much that I can't even recognise them anymore and they are from a different time period and don't believe in depression and mental health problems. My father even said "play some sports, keep a strong mind and pray to god, you don't need to take pills for feeling down". I couldn't believe he said that being a medical student and seeing people actually suffer from life threatening depression. But I did stop taking the pills, stopped seeing my psychiatrist. Started acting out, flunking classes, studying the bare minimum to pass, later seeing my below average results and feeling even more depressed and confidence less, eating junk food, and pushing friends away. Now I am at the point in my life where if I don't turn this self destructive behaviour around I won't be able to achieve my life goals and dreams to be a medical practitioner in US.i don't even know why I am saying all this here. I guess I have no one else to vent to.

THIS MADE ME CACKLE OMG

Hey everyone just joined! Excited to be a part of this club!

My last watched movies were burnt after reading and love in big city

My letterboxd id is Kabir Malek (awww_shizzzzz)

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian