Square Is A Rhombus, Regular Hexagon Can Be Tessellated With Three Equal Rhombuses, And Every Regular

30 VIII 2023

aight it's been a while, time for an update

recently I've been doing mostly algebraic geometry, my advisor gave me some stuff to read, so I'm working through that. the goal is to familiarize myself with hilbert schemes – the topic is advanced, so there are many prerequisites coming up when I'm trying to read the book, that's kinda annoying

we are planning for my thesis to be about a certain generalization of the hilbert scheme, so basically the question is "investigate this space" and I've been having second thoughts whether I'm up for the challenge. I'm just getting to know how all that stuff works, so it's quite overwhelming to see how much I need to learn before I can do anything on my own

nevertheless, I'm pushing through as I will have to learn all of that anyway

I am working on finishing the proof from my bsc thesis and honestly I'm kinda losing hope lmao it turns out that what I probably have to do to complete it is a massive amount of extra reading and an even bigger amount of proving lemmas. the thing is that my work is about something like a generalization of results that have been proven by two people (one of which is khovanov, yes, that khovanov) and I feel it in my balls that the case I'm working on should be treated in a similar way. now the problem is that I can barely understand what they wrote for the "easier" case and I just can't see myself doing that for the more complicated one. oh and for my case I should probably use equivariant cohomology. but all I know about it is the definition, I have never even calculated anything for that + I will do a course on it this semester so it feels futile to study it now. idk I need to talk to my former advisor about this and ask him to be honest, does he even believe that this can be done?

other than that I'm applying for a scholarship. I don't think I will get it, but it is worth trying

I moved in with my boyfriend and our cat decided that my desk is way too big for one person, so now it's our desk

uni starts in a month so I should probably spend that time doing something other than math, which I will be doing all the time once uni starts, but I struggle with coming up with things to do that are not math-related. I should complete some tasks for work, but I would also like to have a hobby

there is a number of things that I could try, for instance reading, drawing, singing, grinding metas for geoguessr (apparently I'm a gamer now), but I can't commit to any of those, my interest comes in waves

maybe I could schedule about an hour per day to do one of those things so that my brain gets used to it. it is not like I can focus on math 24/7, I need to take breaks and I have days when my motivation is zero, so I just sit at my desk and watch stupid shit on youtube. but that's the point, days like that could be spent doing something meaningful and refreshing, instead I just procrastinate math lol

I got a proof wrong on an exam. No points. 

Then, I thought about it for fifteen minutes outside of the exam, wrote it down, nailed it. 

I showed a classmate and told him what happened. He looked frustrated. He’d clearly had this happen before, too (haven’t we all?).  He said, “Don’t you hate it when that happens?”

I almost said yes. What the h*ck!? No. No, I do not hate it when I can fathom a deeply abstracted concept in mathematics. I never hate that. I the opposite of hate that. Expecting myself to immediately understand topics like this is unrealistic. I’m proud of being able to do it at all. Who cares if I did it in the exam or within the next hour? I DID IT. It’s mine now. I can do it whenever I want. Missing points on that problem doesn’t take the knowledge out of my brain. How dare I be taught that my knowledge is useless because I didn’t have it right at that moment. It’s just as good now. 

Education is not about the arbitrary numeric number ascribed to your ability to do things quickly in an arbitrary, restricted time interval. Education is about being able to do progressively more things, to understand progressively complex things. 

Tenacity and challenging yourself far beyond your limits is a hundred times more important than getting good grades. Because, when you’re one of .4 percent of the population who possess complete knowledge on a very complex topic, nobody cares how long it took you to do it, or how well you did it the first time you tried. 

Grades don’t discover new mathematics. Mathematicians do (even the ones who failed a basic topic in mathematics because their base way of thinking was too complex). Grades don’t advance medical research. Scientists do (even the ones who had to apply for their PhD programs 3 times in a row before they got accepted). Grades don’t make science fiction into real-world technologies. Engineers do (even the ones who dropped out of school because they wanted to build things, not talk about building things). 

Knowledge is power. Skills are power. Grades are constructs. Never trade actual understanding for a semblance of understanding. 

The proof is left as an exercise to the IRS

I can relate to your undergrad experience! And I think it might be a good sign looking forward, because you've developed insights and ways of thinking and motivation to go beyond undergrad and seek out new spaces where you can do your own work. That's by no means common, I know many fellow undergrads who are a) as mystified when they retake a class as they were the first time round, and b) feel accomplished enough to have passed eg Introductory Analysis and have no drive to look onward. You seem to know very much what you're good at, what interests you and which areas you'd like to grow in. I'd argue that undergrad studies, which give you an introduction and overview of the field and teach basic reasoning skills while not expecting any really original problem solving aren't exactly made for people like you. Talking to your professors or Masters or even PhD students is a really good idea!

thank you for your input, it brings a huge relief!

I already talked to two of my professors and they said that there is nothing to worry about. my advisor said that in his opinion learning new concepts while working on some problem is the right way to learn and from his experience this is way more rewarding than learning for school or even "just to learn". he also said that if I'm interested in working more on open stuff then he will let me know when he finds some questions I could ponder. the other professor said that it's a good thing, because from his experience a lot of people tend to get discouraged when there is no way of knowing how long solving the problem will take or how much new theory is needed, and I seem to be the other way around, so the work I'll be doing in the future probably won't scare me as much

I talked to some of my friends who are about to finish undergrad like me, and there are people who feel the same way as I do. coincidentally, those are the people who had the same situation as mine, that is, they were lucky enough to find an advisor who gave them an open question to work on. other people I talked to seem to be fairly content with studying for the classes and completing homework assignments, and they didn't get to work on something open yet, so maybe it has something to do with getting the taste of the good stuff haha

I can see now that the future looks good and I'm motivated to go exploring. I am aware that I have so much more to learn, but having got the reassurance that I'm probably doing it right, it doesn't sound as scary anymore

The chili plant made a deal with their God to only be consumed by things that could spread its seeds and fly. The chili received capsaicin, making itself painful to eat for mammals, but not birds, and all was well for the chili.

Then the human shows up, tastes it, and likes the pain. So now there's this flightless fucking mammal eating the chili. Like not even a fruit bat or anything, a flightless fucking mammal chomping on the chili.

What the fucking shit, God, cried the chili, I specifically requested the opposite of this.

Now hold on, wait a moment, replied the God who talks to plants but has no idea what the fuck these apes are going to do next. It might be something cool.

And in a flash of a second, in barely fraction of the time that chili took to develop capsaicin, the humans went from walking across land bridges and rowing little boats across small waters, into building ships that could cross oceans. More humans tasted the chili, and liked the pain. They took the seeds with them, and planted it elsewhere.

See? They spread the seeds.

They're still not flying, said the chili, still feeling insulted and betrayed.

But before the conversation was over, the humans were still not done fucking around and nowhere close to finding out. The ships became machines, and another machine was invented, capable of flight. Now, not only were the humans farming chili on continents far too far away for any of the birds that originally ate it could dream of flying, but the chili flew with them to lands where it could possibly not grow, so that humans over there could also eat it and enjoy the pain.

You see? They spread your seeds and fly.

It doesn't count as keeping a promise if you only manage it by a fucking accident, said the chili, still somewhat insulted. But nonetheless, the chili thrived.

rb this with ur opinion on this shade of pink:

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

I've been thinking about how different math feels after three years of consistently doing it. it's a sad thought, because I used to get super excited about learning new things and solving problems, whereas now my standards seem to be higher..?

I spent the day doing exercises from galois theory and statistics, in preparation for the tests I have soon. it felt like a chore. sure, the exercises were easy and uninteresting, I decided to start from the basics, so there is that. however, in general practicing like this became a routine and there used to be a sense of mystery around it that is now gone

when I don't have any deadlines but feel like doing some math the obvious choice is to learn something that will be useful in the future. more homological algebra, algebraic geometry, K-theory, or digging deeper into the topics I already am familiar with. all of those are good candidates and I used to be very motivated to just learn something new. but here comes to paradox of choice, where every option is good, but there isn't a great one

I think I might be annoyed with always learning the prerequisites for something not yet defined. it did feel exciting when I was studying the modules of tangles so that I could answer an open question, it doesn't feel as exciting to learn about the galois theory to pass a test. a metaphor comes to mind. doing math without a fulfilling goal feels like taking a walk – it's rather nice, I enjoy going on walks. with a fulfilling goal it feels like walking towards a destination such that the walk itself is a pleasant activity, but I really want to get to said destination. by that I mean that I still enjoy simply learning new stuff and working on exercises, but it doesn't feel as fulfilling as it used to, how much walking without getting anywhere can you do in three years? you can do the same thing in prison

three years is nothing compared to how much knowledge and experience is necessary to do actual research, I know that. I fail to feel it, but I know it. when I am asking myself what state of mind is the most fulfilling I'd say exploration, discovery, getting an idea that is new to me and seemingly comes from nowhere, not just an obvious corollary of what I've seen in lectures, an insight, an act of creating. I suppose all those things are to be found in the future, but god how long do I have to wait

on a more pragmatic and realistic note, I think I'll talk to my professors about what I can do to speed up that process. I'll ask them how the actual research feels and how they went from being a student learning basic concepts to where they are now

a question to those of you who are more experienced than me: does this even sound familiar at all? what were you like as a student and what took you to where you are now? how does math feel after 3, 5, 10 years?

30 VII 2021

did some stuff today. found out my cat would die tomorrow if it wasn't for an operation he had today, that didn't feel good but also oh god was he lucky

sleep: better but still trash. yesterday fell asleep between 3 and 4, today planning to go to bed at 3 so in a few minutes

concentration: not as great. couldn't focus because my cat was fucking dying

bo phone time: decent

did some topo today, i think i managed to understand the idea behind the quotient spaces and i really liked it. can't wait to dive deeper tomorrow. other than that i wrote a method that takes a parametric function and provides a partition dividing the curve into k intervals. also i'm almost done with the art comission

sooo tomorrow i plan to finish the code, i want to achieve the functionality that takes a parametric function and draws it with a dashed line. that's why i needed the partition, it's gonna look fucking beautiful. and i need to complete the comission. i hope there will be some time left for quotient spaces, i am very hyped. oh and i forgot i'm drinking tomorrow. so i guess no topo for that gal. eh