Bleedthesame - If I Believe

Survival (1983–85) by Jenny Holzer

oc asks: not-so-nice edition

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

What people think sociopathy is:

- manipulative

- homicidal

- overall a bad person

- crazy

- lacks emotions

What sociopathy really is:

- constant overwhelming boredom and understimulation, feeling of void, what often leads to performing harmful or stupid behaviors on others or self

- inability to regulate emotions properly which leads to impulsive mood swings

- often paranoia

- putting yourself at constant risk and danger to feel anything

- disgusting intrusive thoughts running through your head 24/7

- inability to manage a healthy relationship

- returning desire to cut off all the people who care about you (often in a harmful way)

- struggles to understand why people care and inability to return the same

- often SH

- inability to adapt and function in society due to fanatical nonconformism

- actual homicidal thoughts or tendencies

- depending on complexicity of the disorder trauma-based psychotic episodes may occur, these may trigger fatal self-destructive/destructive behaviors

- making impulsive decisions (large part of which turn out to be bad)

- actual manipulative behaviors often being a result of fear of loosing control over your life

- being prone to falling into addictions

- easily triggered aggression (verbal or physical)

- selective to none interest in understanding emotions and pain of other people/animals

- often depression

- meltdowns that can last for days or weeks

- subconscious isolation

- overly materialistic or trade-like understanding of any relationship, benefit oriented mindset

- feeling of being tired and disgustingly sick of everything and everyone, indifference and ignorance being a result of years of own suffering

- can be but not necessairly an entirely bad person, you don't choose to have a certain mental illness but you do choose to be a piece of shit or not.

ASPD as sociopathy is a spectrum and a complex trauma based disorder that varies depending on the individual but most importantly causes a lot of struggles and a lot of pain to the person experiencing it. It incredibly pisses me off how misunderstood and misinterpreted that disorder is, so here is a yap from someone who is actually diagnosed with it.

Khreshchatyk at night, Kiev (Kyiv), Ukrainian SSR, 1979 (photo by Mykola Kozlovskyi)

[ID: youtube comment from Hal Sawyer:

My favorite relic English still used everywhere is the word "the" used in phrases like: "the more I look at this, the stranger it seems, or "the bigger they come, the harder they fall". This "the" is not the article of any noun, it is a different word, a conjunction descended from the old English "þā", pronounced "tha" which means either "when" or "then". Back in early Middle English the structure "if - then" had not taken over and if you wanted to express an if - then relationship you said "þā whatever, þā whatever", meaning "when such-and- such, then such-and-such". "þā" sounds almost the same as "the" and the spelling of the two converged, but the meaning remained totally different. "the more, the merrier" literally means "when more, then merrier" or "if more, then merrier'; same as centuries ago.

end ID]

this is so cool

university professors love to create the most fucked up pdf ever known to mankind. it's enrichment for them.

A billboard from the 70s archives. Timely today in Washington.

Teorema (1968) dir. Pier Paolo Pasolini

I have the weirdest thoughts sometimes about media, for instance: "That man is a fag who was alive in the 70s, he would not be drinking Orange Juice"