The Becoming

The Becoming

Chapter 1

I’ve always lived in Marland. It’s just been me and my father until he married my stepmother, Ruby. He thought it would be good for me to have a stepmother. Maybe it would quell the aching need to know my true mother. I wish I could say that it did help, but it didn’t. I still wonder who my true mother is and why she left me. 

It’s around midnight, early Sunday, when I am woken up by a blinding pain in my abdomen. It’s like small fireworks pulsing through my body. As I sit up, there’s an unmistakable feeling. Did I wet the bed? I look down in the shadows and I can see the dark color of red coating a small spot on the bed, along with my thighs. 

I cover my mouth quickly. I need to tell Father. What would he think? Will he be disgusted by the blood? Maybe I should tell Ruby instead. Hopefully she’s still up, more than likely sitting in her chair and smoking a cigarette. 

Walking down the stairs quietly, I peer into the open door of my father’s room. There he is, fast asleep, a small glass of mostly empty whiskey on the bedside table as it usually does on late Saturday nights. 

I glance around the hallway wall and see my stepmother predictably sitting in her rocking chair, smoking a cigarette. 

“Bonnie?” 

“Yes, step mother?” 

“Come here a moment,” she says softly, beckoning me with a gentle hand. 

I step out of the dim corridor, and her watchful eyes notice the blood on my nightgown. She beckons me closer still, and takes my hand, still studying me. 

“Bonnie, you know what this means don’t you?” 

“My becoming party is soon?” 

“Yes Bonnie, your becoming party.”

Putting out her cigarette, Ruby stands and leads me to the bathroom by the parlor. More specifically, the bathroom farthest away from my sleeping father. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll teach you how to use a sanitary napkin,” Ruby says, starting the water for the bath. In the soft yellow light of the bathroom I can get a better look at Ruby’s youthful face.

I remember when she married my father, in the spring after her becoming party. She was inconsolable on the wedding day, her mother couldn’t stop the fearful tears. She was thirteen then.

“I know this must be scary. I was afraid when I got my first cycle too, but it’s not so bad. You’ll have your becoming party, and then you’ll be a woman.” 

“I don’t want to get married in the spring,” I say stubbornly. I just had my twelfth birthday, and by my thirteenth I’ll be married. 

“You’ll change your mind soon enough,” she responds, her voice sure and firm. “Make sure not to stay in the bath too long, you’re going to have a big day tomorrow. 

I knew Ruby was right about having a long day when I saw my father finishing off two fingers of whiskey on a Sunday morning. 

“Good morning Bonnie.”

“Good morning father,” I responded. Maybe he knows. Did Ruby already tell him? Is that why he’s drinking whiskey an hour before his sermon?

I smooth my hands over my church dress as I get a knowing look from Father. 

“I’ll announce your becoming party after the sermon. How does Saturday sound?” He asks as if I have a choice in the matter for when my becoming party is. 

“Isn’t Saturday a little soon?” 

“No,” he says with a sense of finality. 

I nod, knowing there’s nothing else to do but give in. 

The smell of the church is something I’ve become familiar with. It’s dusty and thick, and the stained glass of the windows sweep across the floor. The air is warm and humid outside, making the church seem to swell with the heat. 

Sometimes late at night I’ll dream that the church is alive. I can hear its deep rasping breaths from my bedroom window, and I can smell the sweat and tears seeping through the cracks of the bricks. “Set me free,” it begs.

As my Father’s sermon drones through my ears, I continue to think about my becoming party. Talking about a becoming party with married or betrothed girls is strictly forbidden. I have no clue what to expect. I can only think the worst. Human flesh as food, and being the center of attention flash through my mind when I hear my father mention my name.

“My beautiful Bonnie’s becoming party will be this Saturday. A becoming party is such an exciting moment in each girl’s life, and I know that Bonnie will be a great wife to one lucky man.” 

I feel shame start to rise up my neck as the church begins to clap. I can feel their eyes on me, and it makes the shame on my neck start to fester and ache as it creeps up to my cheeks and my ears. 

I stand up, and start to make my way out of the sanctuary, a woman stops me. I realize this isn’t just any woman, it’s my teacher from school, Ms. Evelyn. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks, resting her hand on my back. 

“I feel fine.” This isn’t a total lie. Although the pain is still radiating from my toes all the way to my head, I really do feel fine. It’s not like I’m constantly wondering when I need to change this sanitary napkin, and praying for the pain to go away. It’s not like I have my becoming party on Saturday where a bunch of men will try to impress my father for my hand. 

“Are you sure? I remember when I had my first visit from Aunt Flo, I was terrified,” Ms. Evelyn laughs, but I don’t. 

“What changed? Why weren’t you terrified anymore?” I try not to make my voice sound too eager. From the surprise flipping to a knowing look on Ms. Evelyn’s face I know I failed. 

“Well, I thought of my cycle as God telling me I was ready to be a woman.”

“What if God is wrong?” Maybe I said that too loud. Ms. Evelyn pauses a moment before leaning in close to me. 

“Bonnie, all will be well in time. There will always be a guiding hand for you.” 

I fight the urge to say something sharp, and I give a tight lipped smile. “Thank you Ms. Evelyn, I should get going now.” 

She gives a kind pat on my back, and sends me on my way. I look around to the group of churchgoers in the sanctuary, and the only person still sitting is Ruby. 

Sometimes I wonder if she came out with a full head of Ruby hair, and that’s why her name is Ruby. I can always spot her from a crowd, her confidence and command of respect can clear a room. 

I look on the other side of the room and see my father, still talking to the Deacon, and by what I can tell they’ll be talking for a while. 

I find my way to Ruby’s spot and sit down beside her. She’s got a blank look on her face, cold and detached, making her look older than she is. “Stepmother?” 

Ruby gives a noncommittal hum, and her eyes slowly drag to meet mine. “Yes, Bonnie?” 

“Can I borrow one of your dresses for my becoming party?” Although I am not excited at the prospect of a mysterious becoming party, the idea of wearing one of Ruby’s dresses is appealing to me. 

Ruby gives me a weak smile and rubs my arm. “Your father will buy your becoming dress, Bon Bon.” 

The nickname is not lost on me, it’s something she always tried to say when she felt I needed comforting. I rest my head on her shoulder and she wraps an arm around me. 

“I’m pregnant, Bonnie.”