Ser Yo Es Lo Peor

the thing that always gets me ESPECIALLY about autistic representation in media is that we are universally portrayed as happy-go-lucky, whimsical children, completely oblivious to the fact that the world constantly judges and scorns and HATES us.

We notice. I noticed. The reason I am as messed up as I am today is because i spent 20 LONG years in an environment where every day i was subjected to that. To noticing.

what an absolutely neurotypical view of us. Coddling themselves, getting to act like the way they treat us is fine because we don't understand that our peers dont respect us. Why would we? We're so subhuman to them, it's like asking if your cat notices you playfully insulting it.

Every autistic person I've ever met is on some level bitter and angry and TRAUMATIZED at their upbringing. Of having to go through school as the laughing stock, as the weirdo with no friends who no one wants to talk to, as the animal in the corner you can make do cheap tricks so they can experience some Simulacra of what genuine human connection is.

Now tell me, does it sound like I didn't notice?

Hola personas del mundo.

Hace una semana o poco más tuve una conversación con un par de "amigos" ( ya no son mis amigos) y mencioné algo sobre el autismo.

Se que no tengo un diagnóstico oficial sin embargo considero que la autoevaluación ( investigando bien obviamente) puede ser bastante buena y en especial cuando el servicio de salud mental en el país es malo.

Pero también recordemos que mi psicóloga sugiere( básicamente me dijo ) que soy autista.

Entonces estuve hablando sobre muchas cosas y mencioné experiencias pasadas.

Y se preguntarán qué paso ? Bueno básicamente me dijeron que estaba loca , que era rara, que no tenía eso y que tal vez era retrasada.

Y entonces me que de pensando y encontré esto: los neurotipicos siempre sabrán que eres diferente sin embargo ellos piensan que mientras tengas manos y pies estás bien , y solo eres un dramático. En serio eso piensan y no olvidemos el típico " eres normal " o "no lo pareces".

Lo más triste es que unos de esos amigos quería ser psicóloga y también trabajo en una guardería.Basicamente me fijo que no lo era porque no era como un niño BANG SORPRESA LOS NIÑOS AUTISTAS CRECEN Y SE CONVIERTEN EN ADULTOS AUTISTAS!

Se que tal vez algunos estén en desacuerdo conmigo porque no tengo el diagnóstico oficial, pero créeme que iré a una evaluación lo antes posible, estoy un poco agitada económicamente en este momento pero tal vez el próximo mes pueda.

Tengo más que contar pero será para después, ya debería estar dormida.

so uhhh. yeah.

auDHD tim drake who only makes eye contact while masking vs autistic damian wayne who makes the most unsettling eye contact at all times

dick: jason gave me a flower today. He came up to me, all exited, then he handed me a flower and ran away giggling. I feel so special

Roy: what.

Kory: he did the same for me! How adorable right! It reminded me from when he was young. Perhaps he's trying to reconnect with his younger self? Try to live the rest of his youth?

Dick: mayhaps.

Roy: that's not a real word. And why did he gave you guys flowers and not me!

Kyle and donna walking past them,

Kyle: oh you guys received flowers? We did too!

Donna: yeah look! He even pressed it for me to use as a bookmark!

Roy: why would he give YOU FLOWERS?

artemis: I received a flower aswell, it smells acceptable.

Roy: I'm going to-

Barb, rolling up : what are we talking about here?

Dick: evreyone except for Roy got flowers from jason

Barb: oh? Did he act weird with yall too? Like he was shy but happy to give the flowers?

Kyle: now that you say it.. yeah?

Roy: so unfair! I want to see a shy jason too!!

Kory: why would he be shy with you. You're his best friend!

Roy: why would he be shy with dick! He's his brother!

Dick: I'm also like- his favorite hero!

Artemis: no that's wonder woman

Dick: well then I'm his favorite batfam member!

Barb: ehem.

dick: me and barb* are his favorite batfam members.

Roy, continues to argument.

Jason, who's been planting flowers, and very happy about how the flowers he's been giving out have been accepted happily.

Roy finds flowers in a vase, in his room later that day.

People keep forgetting this but jason was SHORT before the pit, like he was 5'2 (157cm) or something. Not only that but he was also very skinny with little muscle mass because of all the muscular atrophy. So I don't know why everyone keeps writing a Jason who never died like a really tall guy with a bunch of muscle. I totally think he would be like YJ!Jason Todd.

Entonces aquí estoy,sola en la noche en mi casa pobre y miserable después de cumplir una jornada laboral.Es triste y miserable como sin importar cuántos estudios tenga nunca podré conseguir un buen trabajo,curioso que la mayoría de empleos bien pagados no sean ejercidos por licenciados.

He estado buscando trabajo en alguna oficina pero ¿saben que ? POR ALGUNA RAZÓN GANO MAS EN UNA FÁBRICA.

lo cual me deja pensando si debo terminar mi carrera.

Entonces es la 1 de la mañana. No puedo dormir porque todo se siente tan miserable y ruidoso además de asqueroso no se si tuve un ataque o algo porque incluso llore ,no podía respirar y todo estaba extremadamente caluroso a demás de que mis sentidos explotaron.

Ahora vengo a decir que mi vida es horrible, no más horrible que la tuya tal vez, pero definitivamente no es muy buena.No entraré en detalles sobre el maltrato de mis padres hacia mi a lo largo de los años sin embargo no tengo privacidad no cuál es patético, en serio me preocupo más por eso que la vez que me torturaron metiendome en una cubeta de agua de cabeza porque según era muy inmadura y berrinchuda ( tenía 8 , obvio que lo era , eso son los niños)

Vivo en un cuarto , uno muy pequeño el cual básicamente tiene todos tan arrumbado y junto que apenas se puede pasar , duermo con mi hermano en una cama mientras mis papás y mi hermana duermen en la de a lado , está la mesa , el refrigerador, la estufa y básicamente todo tan junto y apretado que me marea solo verlo , ni siquiera podemos pasar dos por el mismo lugar porque realmente no tenemos espacio, a duras penas uno puede pasar por los pequeños espacios que existen entre la mesa y las estufa.

Y entonces me quiero largar , no te mentiré ganó el salario mínimo pero dado que en realidad casi todos pagan menos que el mínimo se podría decir que ganó bien, pero mis padres son una monstruos asquerosos con el dinero. Desde que tengo memoria están endeudados o no tienen dinero cosa que no entiendo porque han gastado LO MINIMO en mi y mis hermanos. Y mi papá se sale de los trabajos y puede durar meses sin un trabajo. Ni madre a estado enferma, tiene piedras en la vesícula y yo estoy ahorrando pasa su operación, sin embargo cada vez que estoy serca de la meta siempre mi padre sale de los trabajos y termino dando dinero para pagar las deudas . En un principio mi madre se negaba a ir al seguro para que la operarán porque supuestamente tardarían más y que sería más fácil reunir el dinero ( si ubieran ido al IMSS estaría operada desde hace 2 años ) y entonces siempre termino pagando o ayudando en sus deudas y me es imposible ahorrar para irme.

Y se que no es mi responsabilidad pero por dios tengo un hermano y una hermana y no quiero dejarlos con estos asquerosos, no tenemos ninguna otra familia que nos ayude , no es opción acudir al DIF y se que en realidad no gano lo suficiente para llevarlos conmigo, pero genuinamente no puedo , dios tengo clases en línea y ni siquiera puedo entrar porque no tengo una pizca de privacidad o porque también se enojan con cualquier cosa mínima que haga . Ellos me frenan en todo pero son horribles con el dinero y se que tal vez es apropósito. Lo más triste es que me están dañando de una forma horrible y lo se pero no planeo que mis hermanos sufran.

Además las rentas sin ridículamente caras y no tengo ni un peso ahorrando y aveces cuando lo tengo lo gasto en algo tan simple y sin valor porque se que aunque me haga más daño el gastarlo , quiero sentirme como alguien normal que compra algo y le da felicidad, quiero ser feliz pero no puedo.

Incluso intenté abrir una cuenta en esa app azul pero simplemente no pude porque no tengo privacidad, realmente es más patético cuando incluso sin privacidad ni siquiera se dan cuenta que lloro casi todas las noches.

So my Batfamily brain rot is back (not that it ever really left) and I just had a thought like…

If you’re a henchman/criminal in Gotham, seeing your life flash past your eyes is gonna be a somewhat regular occurance but… what if like… the thing that truly made a henchman’s heart fall to his ass was when they hit Robin just a little too hard and this 10 year old kid just starts crying and goes ‘Daaaaaadddd!’

That’s the moment when they truly think they’re going to die because said dad, the kid is calling for is a 6’6 demon from hell who’s all muscle and shadows and vengance and a lot of Gotham still thinks he’s a cryptid

The henchmen all drop their guns and try to calm the kid down but it’s over in 5 seconds flat. Batman breaks several bones before speaking to Robin in the softest voice they’ve ever heard him use and the criminal world, who was already a bit hesitant to fight a kid have even more reason to take it just a little easy on Robin.

And like, I can picture different reactions with every Robin.

Like, for Dick, he’s ten and we all know he was the most violent Robin second only to Damian so maybe when he’s ten or eleven and has calmed down a little, a henchback who still remembers what a little shit he used to be decides to get back at Robin, slips on a pair of brass knuckles and BAM

And then, little Dick just stares for a moment in shock, cheek already starting to bruise, the criminals he’d been fighting all stay still because it was a nasty punch and then…

“Daaaaad!!!” He cries out in a whiny voice that reminds them that Robin really is just a kid and it all clicks into place.

Even Bruce wasn’t expecting that, Dick has just started calling him dad and he still isn’t used to being called that so to hear his kid calling for him in the moment where he is startled and hurt and a little scared… the henchmen don’t even have time to react and they wake up in the hospital with concussions and maybe a few broken bones.

It doesn’t take Dick long to calm down, it was mostly that the hit from a random henchmen really startled him and got him right in the cheekbone. But Bruce still finishes patrol early and Dick still hides under Bruce’s cape all the way to the Batmobile.

Then comes Jason and Jason was such a sweet kid, I headcannon he was the one that called Bruce dad the most often while being Robin. So one night during patrol maybe he finds himself fighting Penguin or Two-Face and it’s been a long night and he has an exam the following day and Bruce is fighting another villain at the other side of the warehouse

The point is, the henchmen and Two-Face start landing hits on eleven year old Jason in his gut and at some point he loses sight of Batman fighting on the other side of the room. Jason gets scared because he’s never really fought without Batman and while he knows that Bruce is still in the warehouse, he can’t see him and the handle of a gun hits the back of his ankle and he falls and he sees Two-Face or Penguin or one of the henchmen getting ready to grab the front of his uniform and beat him up and…

“Daaaaddd!”

The criminals freeze for a moment. They’ve heard the stories of what happened the last time a Robin called scared for dad.

They’re fucked.

They all drop their guns and try to get Jason to calm down, but he’s crying just a little bit and calls again, his voice breaking and despite having been at the other side of the warehouse just a second ago, Bruce somehow drops from the ceiling and it’s over before the criminals can keep pleading with Robin to calm down.

Jason tries to apologize for ‘acting like a baby’ but Bruce is having none of it and carries him back to the Batmobile and Jason is happy to just hide his face in Bruce’s cape because he knows his dad will always be there to save him.

Then comes Tim.

And Tim gets found out while doing reconnisance and somehow he finds himself face to face with Bane who manages to wrench away his bo staff and Tim is just eleven and he is scared because Bane doesn’t look like he’s going to hold back

All Tim knows is that the crack he hears must surely be his ribs either cracking or breaking and he can’t breath and he can only muster enough air for a single word… and he calls for his dad through tears and fear

And at this point… at this point Batman has already lost a Robin, Tim may not be his legally but he is his son just as much as Jason was

Bane spends a month in the ICU

Tim is embarrased that he reacted like that. He thinks it makes him less of a Robin to called scared for Batman… for dad.

So Bruce tells him of the other two times it happened. It’s one of the first times he’s spoken about Jason to Tim so bluntly.

Then comes Stephanie.

Stephanie never calls Bruce dad when she’s Robin. She’s not his daughter and he’s not her dad. They’re not sure what exactly they are to one another.

As far as Bruce knows, Stephanie’s version of Robin never called out to him when she was scared.

What he doesn’t know is that it did happen. Just once

It was the last time she was Robin. When Black Mask had her and she thought she was going to die

At some point while bleeding and feeling nauseous and so scared she could barely hear anything that wasn’t her own heart beating wildly against her chest… she called for dad. Not for Arthur Brown, but for Bruce

Black Mask laughed at her

Stephanie never tells Bruce

And finally… Damian

Now, we know Damian would probably never be startled enough to call for Bruce out of instinct, so I can see 2 scenarios in which this could happen.

First, he sees another kid do it. He sees a kid close to his own age laughing and playing, then tripping and staying quiet for a split second before crying out for mom and dad and he just… assumes that’s something kids do when scared and hurt and startled and does it mostly in an attempt to be a little more ‘normal’

Or, my favorite scenario… he hears of the other times it has happened. He overhears maybe Dick remind Jason of what Bruce did when Jason called out to dad as Robin. Tim maybe jokes that a Robin calling for dad is still the villains’ greatest fear

So Damian stores that knowledge away as a battle strategy just in case he ever needs it… and maybe a small part of him wants to put it to the test, to see if his father would protect him as brutally as he’s protected the Robins before him

So some random night during patrol, he’s up against several henchmen, a few of them grab him from behind, trying to hold him down. Damian is fighting against them when one of them swings a cylinder of metal that Damian thinks might’ve been meant for the plumbing and…

The henchman breaks Damian’s nose, there’s blood dripping down his chin and staining his uniform

Now… it is most certainly not the first time he’s broken something, he’s more than used to the pain, in fact, he barely feels it. However, it gives him a chance to put his little theory to the test

And so Damian allows himself to sound like the ten year old that he is and in a whiny, teary voice, goes… “Babaaaaa!” (Bonus points if it’s the first or second time he’s called Bruce baba instead of father)

What Damian didn’t take into account though, is that Batman and Robin aren’t the only ones on patrol that night. They made a big bust. The biggest part of the operation was over but they were still fighting a few stragglers. The whole fucking family is here.

And they all hear his cry.

Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen a fight end so quickly. The henchmen only have a split-second of surprise before vanishing, being tackled or shot or having knives buried on their shoulders by his siblings.

The one that actually broke Damian’s nose is being beaten up by Nightwing, Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen Grayson so angry.

A shadow kneels in front of him, father. Baba. He’s checking Damian and Todd is right at his side, both speaking in hushed tones, checking his injuries and wiping the tears that usually came with a broken nose.

And now… Damian is used to his father and Grayson treating him like a child, trying to be as soft as they can with him. Even Cain does it to some extent.

But… having Drake wrap an arm around him, calling him baby when knocking out one of the criminals that had hurt him ‘that’s my fucking baby brother!’ and continue to hold him later into the night on the couch, having Brown willingly give up all the snacks she keeps in her utility belt and promise to take him to Batburger the following day for milkshakes because he was ‘a champ’. And Thomas wraps his favorite blanket around Damian while they’re fixing him up.

Todd decides to stay the night at the manor. Which he never does. They all decide to spend the night at the manor when Damian still sniffles on the Batmobile and they have breakfast all of them together. Which Damian isn’t sure has ever happened before and Cain gets Alfred to make pancakes with chocolate chips instead of blueberries.

They call him baby in hushed whispers but for once, it doesn’t bother him even though it really should

But most of all, Bruce refuses to let him go for a good five minutes after he first cries for him. Smoothing down his hair and whispering that it’ll be okay and just being soft in a way Damian has never seen before.

He sleeps between his Baba and Grayson and he knows that Todd and Drake and Cain check in on them at least twice in the night for some reason.

And he realizes it’s… it’s nice. Maybe this really could be an effective battle strategy to be employed again someday.

bebe jay

Well then I discovered that it is no good trying to use Ibis Paint for the first time at 2 am on my broken tablet

So I have this idea that at first Batman took Jason to the league meetings because he's definitely better behaved than Dick.Jason usually sits in a corner and watches or just plays. But today he was trying to finish his volcano project Barry and Hal were still playing next to each other they didn't bother to move because they thought Robin would dodge anything but Today Robin was too focused on his homework. Then Robin gets hit so hard and at first they think it's nothing, they saw the boy get thrown out of a window,They think it's nothing to him. But then Robin starts running around crying, yelling "DAD" and just jumping on Batman while crying even louder. Batman is the father of that gentle child?

Estoy trabajando de mejorar mi inglés con esto , espero funcione