Honestly It Is So Fucking Tiring, When Suicide Means To Be Weak, And Well Yeah I Agree That I Am But

so i was reading on the road by jack kerouac i saw this quote 

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

and immediately thought of northern downpour by ryan ross

“Hey moon, please forget to fall down Hey moon, don’t you go down You are at the top of my lungs Drawn to the ones who never yawn”

i mean at least i didn’t notice this before

coincidence sir? i think not.

we all know ryan always does this (like rimbaud’s “we must reinvent love” quote) he’s great

ryan ross is a fucking genius and the master of references

October Magical Dates and Astrological Transits

Welcome to the most fantastic month of the year! My birthday month Halloween month!! We are sandwiched between two powerful full moons that will take us on a journey deep within ourselves to find where our energies could be suppressed, where we feel oppressed and how we can empower and transform ourselves. Each major celestial event feels like part of a chapter of self discovery and empowerment that leaves us shedding away what we no longer need and having to transform ourselves to evolve into an elevated new level.

As usual I will make additional posts on some important days as they come but below is the full month of October!

—-

Week 28 - 4

1st - ☾♈ Full moon in Aries Happy Lunar Festival to those who celebrate it!

We kick off October with a full moon!! The fact that this month is framed by full moons and full of transits that force us to confront our buried emotions sets the tone for October and for us to make peace with our shadow sides.

This moon is very special for a number of reasons as it’s the Harvest Moon (the full moon near the Autumnal Equinox) and it’s the Aries full moon which packs a lot of power. The Aries full moon often asks us to step aside and focus on our needs and goals especially in relation to our partnerships or what we may contribute to a relationship. This full moon may be an aggressive presence in rocky relationships where people’s needs may erupt to the surface if they are not being met or honored by their partner.

This fiery moon will be conjunct Mars rx and Chiron in Aries merging our unresolved childhood traumas with our repressed energy and motivations that the mars retrograde brings. Full moons can be cathartic and this can demand us to bring release to what we may have buried away. Challenges can trigger our deep emotions that may get expressed through explosive anger, yet it’s a time to take note of what those feelings are and try to heal by making healthy decisions that honor our feelings. This moon will also trine Venus in Leo which will help to smooth it out and bring a pleasant vibe to it’s energy. Venus does want to have harmony and trines love unions so in the realm of relationships this can bring a moment of peace or compromise and a window to discuss anything that needs to be addressed in relationships. Finally this full moon may feel intense with the squares coming from Jupiter rx, Saturn and Pluto rx in Capricorn. We may feel burdened by our responsibilities, restrictions (especially with Covid regulations), the powers that be that are constantly avoiding reform. This can also add to the tension of the mars conjunction and feelings of repressed anger or suppressed energy. We will be craving release. It’s a good time to focus on how we can redirect our energies to honor our needs especially in relation to our inner child and what needs we were neglecting before. Full moons are great for release and attraction magic so you can use the energy to draw your new reality towards you, however if you are feeling the frustrations of the squares, take a moment to do some visualization meditation to really ground the energy and emotions of the reality you want. Try to avoid going into manifestation carrying that frustration or else it can seep into the reality you are trying to attract your way. With the moon in Aries, it’s a great evening for fire-based magic. Candle magic goes well with attraction and manifestation spells.

Keep reading

The golden gloam we can't beg to stay 

Petals are bleeding into the dirt 

Now we watch darkness swallow day

The reaper returns, a price we must pay

Writhing, wizened, woozy with hurt 

The golden gloam we can't beg to stay

Tongues shredded by what we can't say

Moonlight and tears, goodbyes so curt

Now we watch darkness swallow day

Though we'd rebel we must still obey

Our ghosts are sleeping now, inert

The golden gloam we can't beg to stay 

We all have our parts that we must play

Hope is fickle and prone to desert

Now we watch darkness swallow day

The anguish wrapped tight with dismay--

We save the confessions we'd like to blurt

The golden gloam we can't beg to stay

Now we watch darkness swallow day

you and me, we are easy there are no games, no hidden agendas we looked at each other on that special day when you finally kissed me and we both knew we had to risk it and jump because it just felt right nothing ever felt as natural as being with you for you are my home you make me smile as much as I’ve never did before  I never knew that it would be possible  to love someone without being hurt at the same time to find someone who actually wants to stay  someone who tells me that I deserve to be loved  I wanted to thank you for being you  for holding me at 3AM when I wake up from a nightmare and telling me that everything is alright  thank you for letting me love you in all my strange ways when I am getting overwhelmed by all those beautiful feelings inside of me  sometimes I just can’t believe how lucky I am and you know I get anxious about little things because now and then my past takes me by surprise and there are days when I can’t verbally tell you how much you mean to me  but if you look into my eyes, you will always see the truth  my whole body is filled with love for only you and if you just hold me, everything is fine  you are my remedy you are my safe haven  I love you 

- for V

here’s a list of my favourite playlists that i listen to when studying. only one playlist has lyrics so if you find that distracting you can skip it!

1 am study session - lofi hip hop/chill beats (1 hour)

a rainy town - animal crossing ost + thunderstorm ambiance (1 hour)

breath of the wild relaxing music with rain (1 hour)

lofi hip hop radio - beats to relax/study to (live radio)

relaxing life is strange music (1 hour) *has lyrics

relaxing music from uncharted series (45 mins)

skyrim music & ambiance - night (1 hour)

skyrim music & ambiance - rainy day (10 hours)

studio ghibli summer night piano collection with nature sounds (7 hours)

the last of us - relaxing music compilation (30 mins)

the legend of zelda - calming & relaxing music compilation (1 hour)

the witcher 3 - peaceful music & nature ambiance (1 hour)

the witcher 3 toussaint - relaxing music for sleep and study (1 hour)

uncharted - ambient music & ambience (1 hour)

all playlists

I don’t know what is more, hopeless,

Having a static mood, that nothing happening in the world can change what is happening inside you and you dont have the strength to pretend, and are in that constant state of melancholy.

Or

Having a dynamic mood, that anything can change your mood instantly a song you listen to makes you cry and then you watch a cat video and makes you laugh, the next moment, like you have surrendered yourself to the world, tired of feeling a type of way, that you dont care anymore,

Workout I use, credit to the creator. I’ve reblogged it before but can’t find it again:(

Chakras & Crystals

Crown - Selenite, Crystal Quartz, Moonstone, Fluorite, Amethyst

Third Eye - Lapis Lazuli, Iolite, Sapphire, Sodalite

Throat - Agate, Angelite, Turquoise, Amazonite, Hawk Eye

Heart - Rose Quartz, Aventurine, Malachite, Unakite

Solar Plexus - Citrine, Tiger’s Eye, Amber, Yellow Calcite, Topaz

Sacral - Carnelian, Peach Moonstone, Orange Aventurine, Orange Calcite

Root - Red Jasper, Obsidian, Red Tiger’s Eye, Tourmaline

when some people ask me why i am not opening up, well LUV maybe because my closest friends tell me to go watch netflix or to just forget about my problems and chill , when i try to reach out for help? have you thought about that? and those who would actually listen, live a shitty life themselves so u k i don’t really have anyone))

Constellations. A fourteen weeks course in descriptive astronomy. 1870.

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