ALPINE PLEASE AOSNSKDNDKDNFKFN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS SO FUNNY I LOVE IT

ALPINE PLEASE AOSNSKDNDKDNFKFN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS SO FUNNY I LOVE IT

Alpine's Diary Entries...

This is utter crack. I fully blame and joyfully credit @navybrat817, @late-to-the-party-81, @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky and @sunshinebuckybarnes for the chaos you're about to read. This is unedited... godspeed.

I'm sorry...

As told by Alpine...

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Day 284...

It's been nearly a year since the man with the hard arm saved me from those scary dogs in the alley. We have seemed to form some kind of kinship since he brought me home. Other humans call him "Bucky"... I have no clue what kind of name that is, but I accept it. He and other humans call me Alpine. I have no clue what it is, but they are happy when I respond to it... if I feel like responding to it. This morning was typical, crawl out of their bed, go sit on Bucky's head to wake him up for food. He has a box that makes noise to wake him up, but like always, I am too hungry before the sound box makes any noise. He grumbles in his language and sounds like he’s bothered by me waking him - the man should be grateful that I even give him attention in mornings and in the evenings when I allow him to stretch out and lay on my big comfy bed in the living room, watching moving pictures in the electric box.

Day 285...

The other human Bucky calls "Doll" is here and they kicked me out of the bedroom... again. I do not understand their reason, but every time she comes out of the bedroom, she looks disheveled, walks funny, and has a unique scent about her. I've yet to figure it out. The only time I witnessed anything, I jumped on the bed once, and saw Bucky bathing her between her legs. It must have been during some kind of intense prayer ritual because she kept yelling "Oh God!"... humans are weird. I will never understand their practices. After that, I was banned from the room during those prayer times. I am surprised at how frequently they pray... mornings... afternoons... nights, and they can pray for hours. I will admit, sometimes, the sounds that come from the room can be... disturbing... my ancestors in Egypt were the ones being worshiped - why am I not part of this?! I may never understand.

Day 286...

I still have not figured out why all humans don't have hard arms. I am able to scratch, claw, nibble, and bite at Bucky's hard arm, but his fleshy one, he winces in pain, says things in an upset tone, and picks me up (which I tolerate sometimes) to move me. He walked in on me napping on Doll's chest today while she was napping - I was protecting her because he seems so fond of her. He had this dopey smile on his face and said something in his language that I still cannot understand while he gave me a few scratches behind my ears. It seemed happy because of the tone, however I do appreciate the care of *shaking food sound* ooh! Is that food? *sniffs* THAT'S FOOD - OMG THAT'S FOOD.