T7 Blank Period

after mission

"My boby moved on its own" is an SNS trope . Sasuke is the type of person who always does something for Naruto and then finds a logical reason to cover that up.

1. His reason for offering his bento to Naruto

2. His reason for looking after Naruto who had been training all night.

3. His reason for to Save Naruto from Haku's attack.

4. His reason for why he wasn't able to kill Naruto in vote1

5. His reason for protecting Naruto from Obito

It gets so intense every time he protects Naruto from Obito. And Naruto notices how Sasuke protecting him from the attacks every time. Even when his Susanoo is already protecting Naruto, his hand is also going there to shield him.

We've never seen Sasuke do anything like this for Sakura, while with Naruto it's pretty consistent throughout the series. And Why do you think Kishi made 5 scenarios like this to point that out? Sasuke wouldn't do this kind of thing for anyone else. Absolutely no one. So what impression does it make?

In this war arc, Sakura herself acknowledged to the fact that Sasuke didn't care about her:

When Sakura ran up to Madara to get stabbed, both Naruto and Kakashi were either terrified or shocked as she plunged on someone she couldn't deal with. And Sasuke's expression was completely different from the others, he was just focused on the opening to attack madara. Where are Sasuke's instincts when it comes to Sakura? And the one who saved her was Naruto. Look at her dejected face! Even she herself accepting the fact that Sasuke doesn't even worry or care about her. Also, Sasuke put Sakura and Kakashi in their place by calling them "useless" directly to their faces while they were being protected under his Susanoo.

You know, Naruto is the one who asks Kakashi and Sakura to stay closer to him...without knowing what's going on up there. And, Sasuke was talking specifically to Naruto to not move around when he comes down to Naruto and he didn't mention the other two. He only wanted to save Naruto with his Sasunoo from the infinite tsukuyomi, but Sakura and kakashi just happened to be near with Naruto.

And Sasuke himself openly said Kakashi and Sakura just happened to be next to Naruto and that's all! Once again Sakura looked so dejected and realizes it even more in this scene. It's very clear that Sasuke didn't care about kakashi & Sakura. When Sasuke summons a hawk , and Naruto points to the right and says, "Sasuke!! Over there!!" to help Kakashi and Sakura, but Sasuke only saves Naruto

We know that Naruto cares about others and Sasuke knows this very well. And Sasuke is the character who will PROTECT those he cares about in dire situations. And who has he been saving repeatedly? NARUTO. But what Sasuke says and his actions are an underscoring for Naruto to prioritize his own safety and life in the war. Sasuke has a valid point that everything would be over if he and Naruto were to die, but it doesn't erase the fact that he doesn't care about Sakura and Kakashi and almost let them die because he was busy saving Naruto, a person who wasn't even in danger to begin with.

Simply put, he would protect Naruto, no matter what. And all Sasuke's actions are completely and purely instinctive and derived from his sub-consciousness.

To which Naruto said,

Raw: お前の言ってることも分かってるつもりだ... けど... こういう時は体が勝手に動いちまうもんだ ろ... 橋での時────

Romaji: omae no itteru koto mo wakatteru tsumori da ... kedo... kōiu toki wa karada ga katte ni ugoichimau mondaro ...kyōde no tokiーーー

Literal: I think I understand what you're saying. But...in this situation, a body moves on its own (unconciously)... Just like that time on the bridgeーーー

What he meant: " just like your body moved on its own to save me on the bridge.... my body also move on its own to save Kakashi & Sakura". Because Naruto does care about Kakashi & Sakura. Therefore, he cannot ignore them falling into the lava and dying.

The Land of the Waves arc, specifically the battle with Haku and Sasuke's sacrifice, was pivotal to Naruto and Sasuke's relationship, as they both realized for the first time how important and deeply they care for each other. It was a very emotional moment for both of them.

When they came back from Land of waves, Naruto couldn't even look at him without blushing, and then Sasuke couldn't even look at him at all. They'd rather die in this moment than admit that how much they care for each other, but their actions speak louder than words.

Whenever something happens between these two, there are always other characters pointing out what's going on. After they return to Konoha, Kishi uses Sakura to point this out, even though it's clearly visualized in the panel:

Raw: あ〜〜〜まだだわ!

Romaji: a〜〜〜madadawa!

Literal: Ahh〜〜〜 Not again!

Raw: この2人...波の国から帰って来てからちょっ と変なのよね...

Romaji: kono 2 nin...ha no kuni kara kaettekite kara chotto hennanoyone...

Literal: These two... have been acting somewhat/ a bit weird ever since we came back from the land of waves...

Raw: づ〜〜〜 何だか気詰まり...

Romaji: zu〜〜〜 nandaka kizumari...

Literal: oh〜〜〜 I feel ill at ease for some reason....

Raw: 早く来い来い! カカシ先生!! じゃーんなろー!!

Romaji: hayaku koikoi! kakashi sensei !! Shānnarō!!

Literal: Hurry up and get here! Kakashi-Sensei!!

Notes:

変な (henna) - strange; odd; peculiar; weird; queer; eccentric; suspicious; fishy; disturbance; funny; abnormal; unusual etc... It is used as a colloquial word that has many meanings.

何だか気詰まり (nandaka kizumari): somehow I feel awkward; Somehow I feel uncomfortable; I don't know why, but I feel ill at ease.

• the author choose the length of prolonged sound mark (ーーー) longer to implying that the sound is prolonged for longer than normal. e. g: Naruto saying "Time on the bridge."

• prolonged sound mark → a wave line (〜〜〜) is used instead of a straight line (ーー)...this often represents a deliberate prolonging of the sound by the character who speaks it or just a trembly, shaky voice of the character.

Only Naruto and Sasuke knew what happened on the bridge, others like Sakura and Kakashi didn't know about it or not very clear about what exactly happened there. Later, Sasuke & Naruto didn't talk about it, but this scene always comes at crucial moments that point to their "precious person". Finally after 5 years, saving Naruto from falling into the lava leads to Naruto talking about what happened on the bridge.

Sasuke saves Naruto even when he knows Naruto could have saved himself because of Kyuubi Mode, but Sasuke has been known to save Naruto even when he doesn't need saving. We also know that Sasuke would rather give Naruto a stupid and lame excuse than tell the truth straight to Naruto's face. So, this isn't the first time Sasuke prioritize Naruto over Sakura, a pattern that has been repeating since Kishi introduced Sasuke to the story in Chapter 3.

Naruto's feelings for Sasuke grew stronger at this point. After everything Naruto had been through and talking to Sasuke every time they met, Naruto knew for sure that Sasuke still cared for him. Naruto could see through Sasuke's actions. Naruto truly understand and knows that Sasuke cares for him and that's why he mentioned what happened in the Land of Waves.

Naruto only says "bridge", but of course Sasuke knows that he was talking about that time at "The Bridge in the Land of Waves."

Sasuke had a reaction to Naruto's words. No matter what Naruto says, he wouldn't say anything... Sasuke is probably trying to show that he's "unfazed," but in reality, he might be "fazed" because Naruto has seen through his heart.

Sasuke's reaction... His facial expression is hidden by his hair and "not visible," but this "invisibility" stirs up the reader's imagination

And he's confidently teasing Sasuke: "Even though I asked you to save them, you saved me...because your body moved on its own... because you cared about me. so I'm sure you understand my feelings to save them....Sasuke"

However, the "meaning" of this conversation...is something only Naruto and Sasuke can understand and it's their extremely personal thing (because the events on that "bridge" are memories shared only by the two of them). Kakashi & Sakura certainly not aware of this peculiar phenomenon that is unconsciously moving bodies.

Sakura's "inner words"... they really express her current feelings. Sakura is convince herself that what Sasuke says is "reasonable." Look at what Sakura says, she herself agrees with Sasuke: "It's as Sasuke-kun says (we're useless)... but (thank you, Naruto for caring about us)...." Sasuke didn't care about her desperate attempts to get his attention. And Even she herself acknowledged it, you know!

Years ago Naruto & Sasuke couldn't even look at each other pretending nothing happened, but now Naruto was talking about it with confidence. And he's clearly flirting with Sasuke.

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga), 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: gojo satoru/ geto suguru Characters: Gojo Satoru, Getou Suguru, Ieiri Shoko Additional Tags: satosugu, professor gojo, doctor gojo, suguru has a vagina, geto cuntboy(?), university students satosugu, Masturbation, Gojo and geto were college rivals, geto being superior in everything, and gojo was a looser, tables have turned, tech guy suguru, emotionally and sexually exausted suguru. Summary:

“A special beginners course organised by Professor Doctor Gojo Saturo, on how to feel the best pleasure from just 10 minutes of warm-up.”

A course for people with clits, vagina; For which only Geto showed up and miraculously a practical assignment was added too.

they're literally every trope ever

WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN

Pairing: Jason Todd x gn! reader

Summary: you would fall in love with him over and over again.

Word count: 1k

A/N: Lyrics come from Would You Fall in Love with Me Again from Epic.

You were exhausted, work had been an absolute bitch today. You'd ended up leaving nearly an hour late, and then the grocery store had been out of the products you liked.

All you wanted to do was collapse face-first into your bed and sleep all weekend. You close the door behind you with your foot, the street lights filtering in from your apartment window your only source of light as you step towards the counter.

That same window that you very quickly realised was open, with a distinctly human-like shape crawling halfway through it.

You screech, stepping back in alarm and raising the plastic bags in your hands in front of you as a flimsy and pathetic barrier.

"No, no! Please don't be scared. It's me. It's me." The stranger pleads, stepping through the ajar window hurriedly, extending to a frankly terrifying height.

Yet any words, or screams you may have conjured die a swift death in the back of your throat.

The groceries fall to the floor with a thud, eggs cracking and vegetables bruising. Though the lighting was terrible, you couldn't help the wave of familiarity that washed over you.

It was stupid of you. It couldn't possibly be him, yet your body moved forward with single-minded determination, ignoring the warning sirens going off in your brain.

"Is it really you?" you walked dazedly forward, shaky hands reaching out to cup his scarred cheek. "Or am I dreaming once more?" Your voice is hoarse, and hesitant, distant to your ears

The man leaned into your touch, Jason, leaned into your touch. The tension melts from his broad shoulders, much larger than you remembered him being. His eyes shutter closed, brow relaxing as he basks in the feel of your gentle touch.

He was different, how couldn't he be? With the years that had come and gone, the unknown sufferings and horrors he must have undergone. Aside from the grotesque J-shaped scar carved into his cheek, his face had developed faint stress lines, dark circles lining under his eyes.

His eyes. The deep cerulean you'd loved so much was still the same, but the playful spark was gone, replaced with a weary exhaustion you longed to erase.

"I'm not the boy you fell in love with. I've done things... monstrous things." Even his voice had changed, a gravelly rasp that you suspected wasn't just from the tears threatening to spill over his misting eyes. "Any kindness, any goodness I might have possessed, has long been snuffed out. I'm not the Jason you knew before."

He's pacing now, agitated as he avoids your gaze, fearful of rejection.

You approach slowly, as if reaching for a frightened stray, fingers entwining with his much larger and calloused ones in a gentle grip, stopping him in his tracks despite how easily he could undoubtedly escape.

"What have you done Jay?" There's nothing but open acceptance in your gaze, a softness he'd forgotten could even exist. Everything about you was softer than the harsh, cutting edges of the League.

"These hands you cradle so lovingly are soaked in blood. I've become an entity of violence." He croaked. "I've callously traded lives, all of it to bring me home to you."

His chest shuddered on his next inhale as he all but rips himself out of your grasp. Instantly, you mourn the loss of contact, "It's selfish of me, but I can't help wondering. Would you fall in love with me again? If you knew what I've done? Could you even love me the same?"

He couldn't bring himself to glance in your direction, terrified of seeing the disgust in your eyes. He heard your soft footsteps approaching as he stubbornly refused to look at you, seeing only your hands reaching out to him once more.

He's too weak to pull away, even as you snake a hand up his chest to splay across his neck gently, your thumb rubbing circles against his jaw as you tilted his head up to look at you.

"I will fall in love with you over and over again. I don't care how, where, or when. No matter how long it's been, you're mine. Don't tell me you're not the same person. You'll always be my Jason."

You were exhausted, work had been an absolute bitch today. You'd ended up leaving nearly an hour late, and then the grocery store had been out of the products you liked.

All you wanted to do was collapse face-first into your bed and sleep all weekend. You close the door behind you with your foot, the street lights filtering in from your apartment window your only source of light as you step towards the counter.

That same window that you very quickly realised was open, with a distinctly human-like shape crawling halfway through it.

You screech, stepping back in alarm and raising the plastic bags in your hands in front of you as a flimsy and pathetic barrier.

"No, no! Please don't be scared. It's me. It's me, " the stranger pleads, hurriedly stepping through the ajar window and extending to a frankly terrifying height.

Yet any words or screams you may have conjured die a swift death in the back of your throat.

The groceries fall to the floor with a thud, eggs cracking and vegetables bruising. Though the lighting was terrible, you couldn't help the wave of familiarity that washed over you.

It was stupid of you. It couldn't possibly be him, yet your body moved forward with single-minded determination, ignoring the warning sirens going off in your brain.

"Is it really you?" you walked dazedly forward, shaky hands reaching out to cup his scarred cheek. "Or am I dreaming once more?" Your voice is hoarse, and hesitant, distant to your ears

The man leaned into your touch, Jason, leaned into your touch. The tension melted from his broad shoulders, which were much larger than you remembered him being. His eyes shuttered closed, his brow relaxing as he basked in the feel of your gentle touch.

He was different; how couldn't he be? With the years that had come and gone, the unknown sufferings and horrors he must have undergone. Aside from the grotesque J-shaped scar carved into his cheek, his face had developed faint stress lines, dark circles lining under his eyes.

His eyes. The deep cerulean you'd loved so much was still the same, but the playful spark was gone, replaced with a weary exhaustion you longed to erase.

"I'm not the boy you fell in love with. I've done things... monstrous things." Even his voice had changed, a gravelly rasp that you suspected wasn't just from the tears threatening to spill over his misting eyes. "Any kindness, any goodness I might have possessed, has long been snuffed out. I'm not the Jason you knew before."

He's pacing now, agitated as he avoids your gaze, fearful of rejection.

You approach slowly as if reaching for a frightened stray, fingers entwining with his much larger and calloused ones in a gentle grip, stopping him in his tracks despite how easily he could undoubtedly escape.

"What have you done, Jay?" There's nothing but open acceptance in your gaze, a softness he'd forgotten could even exist. Everything about you was softer than the harsh, cutting edges of the League.

"These hands you cradle so lovingly are soaked in blood. I've become an entity of violence." He croaked. "I've callously traded lives, all of it, to bring me home to you."

His chest shuddered on his next inhale as he all but ripped himself out of your grasp. Instantly, you mourned the loss of contact. "It's selfish of me, but I can't help wondering. Would you fall in love with me again? If you knew what I've done? Could you even love me the same?"

He couldn't bring himself to glance in your direction, terrified of seeing the disgust in your eyes. He heard your soft footsteps approaching as he stubbornly refused to look at you, seeing only your hands reaching out to him once more.

He's too weak to pull away, even as you snake a hand up his chest to splay across his neck gently, your thumb rubbing circles against his jaw as you tilt his head up to look at you.

"I will fall in love with you over and over again. I don't care how, where, or when. No matter how long it's been, you're mine. Don't tell me you're not the same person. You'll always be my Jason." 

“What? You can’t possibly…” He shakes his head in denial. He was a killer, a monster. Why couldn’t you understand, you were far too good for him; he hadn’t even meant for you to find out he was still alive. 

“Don’t presume to know how I feel, Jason.” You said sternly before your face softened once more, your fingers tracing his skin almost reverently again. 

“But — ”

“No buts. I don’t… I don’t give a fuck what you’ve done. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but the only thing that matters to me is that you’re alive. That you’re here, with me.” Despite your soft tone, there’s a fierceness in your eyes and desperation in your touch as you grasp onto him as if he may evaporate into smoke at any second. 

Jason knows that he’s not a good man. He’s selfish, greedy, and so, so weak to your touch. He’s been dreaming of this for years, of your touch, of you. Now that he finally has it again, he doesn’t think he’s strong enough to leave like he knows he should. Watching from afar, checking in to make sure you were safe, wouldn’t be enough anymore.

He whispers your name, a choked prayer as he finally allows himself to fully succumb to your loving embrace. He drops to his knees, face buried in the crook of your neck as you both hit the floor together, his arms locking you against his chest. 

The noise of Gotham’s nightlife fades to a distant blur, salty tears wetting the neck of your shirt as he urgently inhales your scent, committing the long-lost smell to his memory. 

“How long has it been?”

“Six years,” you answer through your own tears before saying the words he’d ached to hear, “I love you.”

“Truly? After all these years?” He rests his forehead against yours, raw vulnerability on display. 

“Always, " you firmly declare before pulling him into a deep kiss, and Jason temporarily forgets his worries and insecurities because all that matters is you. That after six gruelling years, he’s finally home.

Jason when he came back from the Lazarus pit remembering raccoon!reader is a silly little guy who can’t protect themselves and then realizes they still live in Gotham and adopted the hybrid as the cool crime lord he is and giving them their own gun:

i love my family!

you and your baby are the center of gojo's universe.

when hes with you? always has to hold you both, at least keep you in his arms length. playing with baby gojo, watching shows with you, baking sweets together. you bet hes making use of the rare off day he gets by cuddling you both the whole day. kiss attacks all the time, you both give him so much cuteness aggression.

"satoru please stop munching on our cheeks.."

*offended noises*

when hes not with you both? thats an unfortunate event for not only him but everyone (nanami) around him. hes constantly whining about wanting to go home and spend time with you both. he always manages to bring you both in his conversations, even in important meetings with the higher ups.

"a very dangerous curse is roaming around the town area-"

"boo," he mopes. "i wanted to go to the new bakery in the town with my family. do you know baby gojo looooves sweets like me?? they were nibbling on the mochis my wife made- she makes amazing sweets by the way. lemme show you the video ahhh so adorable-"

has photos/stuff of you both all over his office. if he misses you he looks at them and they motivate him to work faster and leave for home soon.

"i miss my family."

"gojo you just came to work."

you surprise him by visiting jujutsu high one day (nanami requested bc he couldnt take it anymore) when he saw you coming with baby gojo strapped in the carieer bag he went from 😞😓 to 😲😚 real quick.

"OH MY GOD MY SHYLAAA!"

"satoru who taught you that" (its yuuji)

all in all, you both make gojos heart full. hes glad to find the loves of his life and is so so grateful that you are here with him. he really cherishes and appreciates his (for now)little family.

falling behind | spencer reid

Summary: During a movie night with Spencer, he confesses to you that he feels like he's falling behind, having never kissed anyone. You offer to catch him up.

(based on laufey's falling behind)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!bff!reader 

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings/tags: spencer's first kiss, s1/s2 spencer, best friend reader, kissing, mentions of sex, some angst at the end.

the divider

"I think you need another bookshelf, Doc," you say, narrowly dodging a stack of books that comes up to your hip. 

You’ve let yourself in for your traditional movie night that’s become far and few ever since Spencer started at the FBi. His days off are rare, but they’re always spent with you. You hang your coat and scarf over Spencer’s designated hook for you. Spencer’s putting about in the kitchen, cups clinking.

"I've been trying to find one at a flea market," Spencer says from the kitchen.

"Even though flea markets give you the heebie jeebies?" you call back, flipping through a thick hardcover about ancient Rome. Aaaand that's a naked man. You close the book. Spencer’s the mature one out of the two of you. That’s why he’s got books about Rome and you don’t. 

"I'm not crazy about bringing home furniture that was once in someone else's house, though it’s usually very cheap. Still! They could’ve had termites. And that’s a best-case scenario. You won’t believe what some people have in their houses.”

“Oh, I know. Pet dandruff. Mold spores. Your worst nightmare.”

Spencer appears with two mugs of Ovaltine. He's adorably cozy, cocooned in an oversized Caltech sweatshirt and green slacks with the giant cargo pockets he loves. They're so practical!

“There’s no need for sarcasm,” he says, mouth pursed the way it does when you’re being a smartass.

“There’s always a need,” you say cheerfully. 

He's wearing the Doctor Who socks you got him three years ago for his birthday. They're worn a little thin. You've offered to buy him new ones—Spencer insists these are still good.

“So how’s life in our nation’s capital?” you ask. “Besides all the serial killers.”

"Good. I still haven't gotten used to these D.C. winters but I feel a lot less silly making hot Ovaltine when it's not sixty-five degrees outside," he says, bending to set your mug down.

Instinctively, you pull out two coasters and Spencer puts your mug on one and cradles his own. He sits on the overstuffed couch he took from his mother's house. You'd helped him take it. You’d followed him out here, actually, after his second PhD, and you live just outside of D.C. because you’re not a big-shot FBI profiler. You’d split the cost of the U-Haul from California and stayed with him the first night because Spencer can’t sleep in unfamiliar darkness. 

It had been four years since you’d seen each other. You’d shared a bottle of cheap wine to celebrate his new job at the BAU. Later, Spencer cried over Diana and you held him through it. 

"Turning the heat on might help," you say.

"That's simply a luxury the FBI doesn't pay me for. Anyway, thermostats increase the chances of a fire. Especially if the pipes are old."

"We should ask your friend Penelope to hack a bank so you can buy a mansion," you say.

Spencer shakes his head and brings the mug to his lips. "Please don't give her any ideas. Are we starting the movies?"

"Yes! Home Alone?”

“Don’t we always start with your favorite?” he asks, smiling.

“We do. You indulge me, Spencestar.”

You get up to fiddle with Spencer’s ancient TV and DVD player. It takes a couple of strategic smacks to get it running, but you do and you put the DVD in. It’s a tradition, your holiday movie marathons with Spencer. 

You get up and unfurl the giant fluffy gray blanket that Spencer keeps neatly folded on the sofa. You sit next to him and pull the blanket over the both of you, then take your Ovaltine into your hands. 

“You know, you could always invite your new friends at the FBI for movie nights,” you say. “I’d be okay with that. As long as they understand that I'm your oldest and bestest friend and therefore take precedence.”

"As if I need you telling them embarrassing stories about me,” Spencer says, looking at you flatly. “I know your motivations. It’s bad enough that Derek calls me the baby bird of the bullpen."

“Derek is the one that set you up on a date?” 

“Ugh.” Spencer covers his face. “Please don’t remind me.”

It had only been a month ago, Spencer’s date with the sister of one of Derek’s friends. She’d been nice enough, according to Spencer, but you’d sensed more had happened he didn’t want to dive into. There was likely an underlying judgment that Spencer’s encountered too many times to not be sensitive to. 

But Spencer always got nervous about these things too. He had a habit of psyching himself out. For a long time, the only woman he’d ever had a full conversation with was you. 

The TV screen freezes. You groan and get up, putting your mug down. 

“Try moving the antenna,” he says.

“Yeah. The FBI should give flat-screen TVs for Christmas bonuses.”

You play around with the antennas. When that doesn’t work, you turn off the TV. It’s not an exact science—whether the TV wants to play or not is up to forces out of your control. Spencer thinks you have the magic touch, though. 

“That date was pretty bad, wasn’t it?” you ask, checking the wires behind the TV. You wiggle them around and try plugging and unplugging stuff. 

“No,” Spencer says lightly, in that mild, polite tone that might work on a stranger but hasn’t worked on you since fifth grade.

“Spencer…”

“It wasn’t!” he says. “Honestly, it wasn’t even her, it was… I don’t know. I felt so silly doing it. Like I was a kid trying to do adult things.”

“You are an adult. Is it playing?”

“No. Yeah, I know I am, but I also feel so behind. Like everybody learned stuff I didn’t and now I can’t do a simple thing like go on a date with a woman.”

“You’re not behind—ouch!” The TV shocks you and you snatch your hand back, grimacing.

Spencer stands up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks. Where was I? Right. You’re not behind, Spence, you’re the smartest person I know. You’re the smartest person most people know.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Then Spencer suddenly appears, kneeling next to you. You grin.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hi. You don’t have to get shocked so we can watch a movie. I can pull it up on my laptop.”

“No, I’m gonna make this work. Here, hold this.”

You hand Spencer a wire. He obediently holds it while you fiddle with the back of the TV.

“She tried to kiss me,” Spencer says quietly. 

You pause and look at him. “Who did?”

“The woman Derek set me up with.”

“Oh.” You put down the wire—you’re starting to get the feeling that this is the kind of conversation that can’t be had while you’re trying to fix a TV. “You didn’t tell me that. Did you?”

“No.” Spencer scowls. “I chickened out. I just… Derek would’ve told me to just kiss her because she was pretty and she wanted me. But I didn’t want to. And that’s so stupid, ‘cause I should’ve, right?”

“Spencer, there’s no rule for when you should and shouldn’t kiss someone as long as both parties want to kiss,” you say.

“Yeah, but I’ve never kissed anybody. I’m twenty-five and I’ve never kissed anyone. How pathetic is that?”

You frown and turn to face Spencer fully. “Hey. C’mon, where’s this coming from? You know I don’t think any less of you for never kissing or dating or any of that stuff. You do it when you wanna. And I’d tell anyone that. I’m not just telling you ‘cause you’re my best friend.”

“I know, but…” Spencer shakes his head and it hurts to see him so defeated. “I told that woman that I hadn’t kissed anyone and that’s why I didn’t kiss her. And the look she gave me was so… I-I’ve gotten that look before, but… and I could just tell she was thinking freak, freak!”

“Spencer,” you say, voice cracked like an egg, and his name is the soft yolk spilling out. “Oh, Spence. You’re not a freak. I told you that when we were fourteen and I still mean it. Nothing is wrong with you for never kissing anyone. And someone who thinks there is isn’t a person you want to be intimate with anyway.”

He sighs. “I just feel like I’m falling behind.”

You press your lips together. Then you make a decision and stand. 

“Come on,” you say, offering your hand.

Spencer takes your hand and lets you pull him up. “Where’re we going?”

“To the couch,” you say, more casual than you feel. 

Spencer follows you to the couch and you sit. You take a deep breath.

“Who would you want to have your first kiss with?” you ask.

He shrugs. “No one comes to mind.”

You bite your lip. “What about me?”

Spencer blinks. “I—what?”

Suddenly, you’re overwhelmed with all of Spencer’s attention on you. It doesn’t normally overwhelm you but considering the circumstances… 

“Well, um. It would be low-pressure, right? I mean, we’ve known each other for so long.”

Spencer licks his lips. You track the movement, then look away, embarrassed.

“I guess so,” he says. “But won’t it be weird? Kissing each other?”

Yeah, probably. “No, I don’t think so. Well, a little, but it’s just so you don’t feel out of sorts when you go on a date. It’s, like, practice.” That last point feels a little weak.

“Practice,” Spencer repeats.

“Yeah.”

It’s still and silent for several painful moments, and that’s when you contemplate bolting and changing your address. But then Spencer speaks.

“Okay,” he says. “If you’re definitely sure about it.”

“I am,” you say. 

He nods. You take that as an invitation to scoot closer so you’re facing each other. Spencer brings one knee up so you can be within kissing distance.

“So, um.” You clear your throat. “So when you kiss someone, it’s important to find a place for your hands. They can be on their face or their waist or arms.”

Spencer nods. “Got it. Like this?”

He puts his hands on your waist. You stutter on your next breath. You hope Spencer doesn’t notice.

Look, you’re not blind, okay? Spencer’s tall and cute and smart and a sweetheart and your roommate in college once commented on how he’s got hands made to finger a woman, which you’ve never been able to forget, much as you’ve tried. 

So yeah. You know your best friend’s good looking. You know he’s a catch. 

Does that mean you can be absolutely emotionless while kissing him? Not so much. 

But you love Spencer. You’d do anything for him. 

“Yeah, good.” You drape your hands loosely around his neck, his curls tickling your fingers. “Okay?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then you make eye contact but not too much. Don’t scare them.”

Spencer smiles with half of his mouth. “Don’t scare them. Noted.”

You roll your eyes. “Smartass. Alright, then you, um…”

“Kiss?” he asks.

You nod. “Y-yeah. Then you lean in and kiss.”

You press your lips to Spencer’s lightly. His mouth is soft but he’s stiff, which means he’s going to kiss stiffly.

“Relax, Spencestar,” you say against his mouth. “‘S okay. Part your lips a little.”

“Like this?” he asks, his mouth losing some tension.

“Exactly. Fit your lips to mine.”

Spencer’s warm, his breath tickling your mouth. Your heart feels like it’s going to beat right up your throat and into Spencer. 

“I read about kissing,” he says. “For research.”

That makes you smile, a short laugh slipping out. You rest your forehead on his mouth by accident. 

“What?” he asks against your skin, smile clear in his voice. The sensation gives you shivers.

“Nothing. You’re sweet, Spence,” you say. 

You lift your head and close your eyes. And then you kiss him. 

Spencer kisses gently, which you never thought about in-depth, but experiencing it now, it makes sense that he does. He’s so gentle in everything else, from the way he opens doors to letting you have the last bite of pasta. Of course Spencer kisses the way he lives in the world: kindly. 

Your hands slip to his jaw to guide him. Your kisses are short first, to warm him up. You feel Spencer’s pulse in his neck under your palm, feel his easy hold on your hips, the way he twists a loose thread on your shirt.

“You can be a little more firm. Move your hands around,” you say, and Spencer nods.

He kisses you with a little more pressure, ever the quick learner. His hands travel up your spine and down, like he’s soothing you. It makes an unexpected sob work up your throat and you quickly swallow it down. 

You thread your hand through his hair, your senses completely surrounded by him. Spencer’s more confident now, pulling you into him slightly, curving your back with his palms. 

And before you do something really stupid, like kiss his neck or tell him you love him, you pull back. Spencer’s eyes fly open when yours do. 

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

“No, no. You were good. That was good, Spencer. I just, uh… we’ve been kissing for a while, so I figured…”

“Oh.” His face turns pink. “Right, yeah.”

“Yeah.” You scratch your neck. “But that was good. It just takes practice.”

Spencer nods a lot. “Yes, of course. Like any skill.”

“Exactly.”

You drink your Ovaltine, needing to put your attention on anything but Spencer’s kiss-swollen lips. The Ovaltine is cold. You make a face.

“I’ll reheat it,” Spencer says, practically leaping from the couch. “Be right back.”

“I’ll try to get the movie started,” you say, making a beeline for the TV.

You turn it on, trying to calm your fluttering heart. This time, the movie plays with no issues. Of course when you want it to have issues so you don’t have to be curled up next to Spencer on the couch, it doesn’t. Figures. 

Hesitantly, you return to the couch. Spencer comes out a few minutes later with your reheated mugs. He gives you yours and sits on the far end of the couch.

“Want the blanket?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “I’m okay. I warmed up.”

The movie continues from where it froze. You and Spencer watch that one, then Home Alone 2, then the Muppets Christmas Carol. 

And it’s fine, it’s normal. It’s normal, except you’ve just kissed your best friend. And Spencer doesn’t curl up next to you under the blanket for the rest of the night. You get this sinking feeling, wondering if catching your best friend up comes at a bigger cost than you thought. 

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