Me Holding A Gun To A Mushroom: Tell Me The Name Of God You Fungal Piece Of Shit

And evil takes a human form in Draco Malfoy.

Don't be fooled, because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, he is so much more than that.

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

i’m fully convinced that inumaki is the funniest mf in the world but just can’t show it because he can only speak in onigiri ingredients

so then in person he tries to make onigiri ingredients sound like brainrot jokes like imagine you ask him smth and he’s like “they tuna on my mayo till i onigiri” then just walks away and you’re standing there trying to decipher it

imagine the current state of the youth and then make it actually funny and you’ve got toge inumaki right here

also he’d definitely be a sucker for every single catchphrase that comes out on tt like catch him scrambling for paper when you annoy him the slightest bit just so he can write out “see how i shut the fuck up? very demure, very mindful” and you have to remind him that he doesn’t have a choice and has to stay silent most the time

yes, percy rose through the ranks of new rome disturbingly fast. no, jason did not do the same at camp half blood. yes, percy's rise to leadership at both camps took about two weeks and was completely unplanned. no, the same cannot be said for jason. his rise was carefully planned and took over a decade. they're both children of the big three, but where percy thrums with raw power, jason is a sword honed by zeus and hera. where percy is a survivor, jason is a weapon. where percy is a cycle breaker, jason can't get out. jason's fatal flaw was temptation to deliberate because he never managed to make his own choices. he was every classic definition of a hero rolled into one, and he never questioned it because his happiness came after the responsibility. jason was never going to ascend as fast as percy because jason was raised on hard work and discipline while percy, an abuse survivor and child of poverty, knew when to fight dirty. where jason was a transplant, percy was an invasive species. jason was always going to die because he was never more than a tool for the gods to throw away when he outlived his usefulness, or when he started to question his place. if someone as locked down as jason can question the system, anyone can. now that luke has put thoughts of overthrow in everyone's heads, zeus has to be very careful because while jason was expendable as his weapon, percy was unexpected in every way. zeus has no plan for him. when percy dies, he will become a martyr, so he can't die, except now everyone knows that percy doesn't want to be a god either. jason had to die, and now percy has to live.

me at work

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.

It's tiring, arguing with foreign dignitaries. Even after replacing the Fire Nation ones to people loyal to him meaning he at least doesn't have to argue with them as well, it's difficult. Chief Hakoda tries to work with him, at least, and the Northern Water Tribe delegation isn't usually actively working against him, but the various Earth Kingdom ambassadors are hell to deal with.

"At least our Kingdoms aren't ruled by insane, child abusing tyrants," one of the more temperamental Earth Kingdom men hisses at the Fire Nation woman he's arguing with. The entire room falls silent. Zuko's head snaps towards the man, gaze intense. Hakoda is already half out of his seat, ready for a possible fight. The servants have frozen. Once the shock wears off, the Fire Nation people look furious. They're proud and loyal people, after all.

Zuko, after taking a few measured breaths, asks, "Are you implying something?"

He doesn't understand how the conversation devolved like this. All he'd done was tell one of the scribes to make a note that he'll need to talk with his ministers about changing something else to the mandatory coursework for the schools. The man had muttered something about the Fire Nation not caring about its children and the woman had taken offence.

"If I may, Your Highness?" the servant next to him, a young girl not much older than him, asks quietly. Zuko nods his consent. "The Fire Nation regards children as gifts from Agni himself. They are to be nourished, loved and protected at all cost. What Ozai did would have led to a civil war, had the greater public ever found out."

"Do not speak on issues you have no knowledge of," the woman who'd originally been arguing added viciously. "Ozai was a cruel and despicable man as were Azulon and Sozin. As were most of the high ranking officers in our military. But they were chosen specifically for their ruthlessness and lack of soul, and do not represent our nation at its core. We are proud and sometimes angry people, but we are also kind and warm."

And to think that it takes very little to make a child happy....