First Draft Excerpt
First Draft Excerpt
I have finally moved from the plotting to writing stage for my novel!! I would love to know if there any improvements or if it sounds interesting enough.
Esther
Fire warmed the last of the halcyon days, its lilting rhythm crashing into the cold whipping winds of Praelia. Freezing. Esther grumbled. The chill of early dawn seeped bone deep into her bare fingers as she plucked her identification card out of her wallet. She flashed it to the security guards and stepped into the dormitory.
The freezing white puff of air melted as she breathed in the scent of ground coffee and ruby hawthorns scattered along the hallways. Warm. While Esther’s university expected perfect command over the tangible natural elements – wood, metal, water, and earth– it seemed they had a pixie in the basement controlling the fire to leave it toasty but never stifling inside.
The ground floor hosted multiple mahogany doors dotted along the corridors like an inn. In the corner, A student who looked to be in the same year as her squinted against his heavy lids at a little reception area-and-kitchenette. The square clock above an empty coffee pot struck ten past five. At quarter past five, the boy had slumped face first onto his desk.
Stifling a yawn, she walked past him. She could practically feel her blanket and the warmth of her bed, and she scurried down the hallway.
The hallway split into two, and two automatic elevators opposing each other sat between the intersecting corridor and the reception in front of her. If she took the stairs smelling like burnt curry next to the entrance, she’d have to climb 8 floors to reach hers. No thank you very much.
If she didn’t get enough sleep to wake up in time for Professor [___]’s class, she’d be kicked out for snoring half-way through the test.
When she turned around to push the elevator button to avoid the climb, alternating her weight on each foot, a bright turbaned man entered through the door inconspicuously. As inconspicuous as anything the campus had seen. In a school selecting the students with egos that rivaled their intelligence, a dozen peacocks preening their feathers in the monsoons would be far more subtle. So, Esther didn’t really have much to stand on.
The man nodded once to the guard, flashing a rich black envelope. The brief glint of gold gleamed under the buzzing electric bulbs.
A light rune peeked from under his collar, contrasting with his skin, a little darker than hers which made Esther wonder if he was from Ignis as well. Stiffly, he took long strides straight over to the heavy door in the middle, knocked once, and entered, closing the door behind him.
Esther turned around, hopping on her foot, frowning when the dial stayed at the 6th floor. It would take ages and it would not do anyone good to leave her alone with a mystery. Deciding she had nothing better to do, she leaned back against the cool wall nearby, down on the vinyl seat, and looked at the door.
While she wasn’t a warlock, she still squinted her eyes at it, hoping it would reveal the conversation with the interesting man and the dean herself. The golden seal embossed in the letter– the serpent on a bed of hyacinths – was the same one stamped on documents overflowing her mother’s desk.
Someone yanked the doorknob harshly. The door opened, and out stepped the man, pocketing a letter in his coat pocket, somber. The dean stepped into her view, her sepia colored hair pulled into a bun twisted as tight as her face when she noticed Esther. She looked paler than usual.
‘Mishra,’ the dean’s lips pressed into a thin line, ‘Inside. Come to my office, Ms. Mishra.’ Esther hadn’t even done anything yet.
She jumped out of her seat, fumbling to put her ID card back in her wallet, and scuttled into the room promptly. Did her mother call or complain? Esther doubted she would. Advising her closest friend, Praelia’s own Queen, the upcoming coronation had swamped her mother. Esther swore she saw an entire strand of hair on her mother’s head out of place one time.
‘I have reviewed your proposal requesting for Opaca’s research,’ she stated, crossing her legs and looking Esther directly in the eye. Esther fixed hers on a little bundle of lint on her jeans.
That wasn’t a question but a verdict, and Esther was feeling oddly guilty. But for what?
The Dean – Esther never remembered her name – always regarded her coolly since her start in April. And while Esther never caught onto the minute twitching of muscles to decipher emotions, the woman before her bore a face frozen by the winds of Galacian mountains.
Esther slunked back in her seat, levitating just enough to keep her toes from reaching the carpet. A question on the tip of her tongue, “It was approved already.’ She said hastily, ‘The advisor did– approve the research– I mean.’
The Dean’s desk shook, the sinewy branches that formed the top of an oak, clustered to resemble a desk. It twisted behind her, its rich yellow leaves stretching through the space behind.
“I am aware.’ She motioned with a flick of her wrist over to the mischievous desk. A tiny tendril of a branch, as thin as a twig, reached up to deposit a stack of papers in front of the Dean. At the top lay Esther’s messy signature and a smudge of copper spilled in the lab.
‘However,' she continued, ‘in light of recent developments, I am sorry to inform you, but this project can no longer be pursued-’
‘The deadline was this week if first year students wanted to graduate with the research distinction. I cannot get the approval from an advisor so quickly for a new project.’
The Dean’s eyes sharpened, and the tip of the fountain pen clenched tightly in her fist began to bend. ‘Elixermerra Institute of Biotechnology prioritizes student safety. I am appalled you would like to begin a career in research with the Lower Isles.’
INTANGIBLES DYING OF INVISIBLE PLAGUE and OPACAN PORTS CLOSED FOR TRADE read newspaper headlines in the bookshop Esther had visited to pick up her textbooks. The owner had overcharged her after reading the title of the books, but she had left with a research idea and a lighter wallet.
‘They’re dying. There are dozens of ships passing through to make it perfectly safe.’
‘Nonetheless,’ the Dean spit out, making Esther look up. Silver eyes, sharp as her father’s blade, shut all of Esther’s arguments, ‘Due to the lateness of the rejection, I will be expecting your proposal at the end of winter break, ready to be signed on my desk on the first day of the new semester. Is that clear?’
‘Yes, Ma’am.’ Esther ducked her head meekly.
The branches of the desk began rearranging themselves, her research flung into the farthest corner of a drawer, the fountain pen back to its normal shape, and Esther’s chair landed softly on the ground.
‘The Institute will be closed for all students and faculty tomorrow. Please pack your bags with the addresses labeled for the cargo trucks and someone will arrange your departure in the evening. The announcement will be held shortly,’ she spoke after a while. The dean adjusted her blazer’s button and turned her gaze to the pile of paperwork helpfully provided by the tree. ‘You can shut the door on your way out.’
More Posts from Ajkiranwrites and Others
Y'all are amazing. Reblog to hug the person you’re reblogging from.
One of the best writing advice I have gotten in all the months I have been writing is "if you can't go anywhere from a sentence, the problem isn't in you, it's in the last sentence." and I'm mad because it works so well and barely anyone talks about it. If you're stuck at a line, go back. Backspace those last two lines and write it from another angle or take it to some other route. You're stuck because you thought up to that exact sentence and nothing after that. Well, delete that sentence, make your brain think because the dead end is gone. It has worked wonders for me for so long it's unreal
HEY, Romance Writers!
A few followers have asked for tips on writing romance into their stories or as the basis of their stories. Here’s a masterlist of sources (below cut) that may help.
General Romance:
What Defines Romantic Love?
How to Plot a Romance Novel
Slowburn Romance
When Friends Fall for Each Other (ask)
Tips for Writing a Character Who Has a Crush
Tips on Writing Unrequited Love
Writing Healthy Couples in Fiction
An Antidote to “Love at First Sight”
How Attractive Should Your Characters Be?
3 Great Ways to Show That Your Character Is In Love
6 Ways to Get Your Readers Shipping Like Crazy
Six Steps to Stronger Character Arcs in Romances
Seven Great Sources of Conflict for Romances
9 Romance Writing Mistakes to Avoid
20 Tips for Writing Lovable Romance Novel Heroes
How to Write a Kissing Scene in a Romance Novel
Types of Kisses and Kissing + This Post Is All About Kisses
List of Ideas to Keep Romantic Tension High
100 Questions for Character Couples
How Do I Make the Relationship Development Realistic?
How Do I Know If Two People Are Compatible?
Healthy Relationships Can Include Teasing
How to Write a YA Romance Without Cliché
Intercultural Romance:
How do I write an interracial couple accurately? (ask)
15 Common Stereotypes About Intercultural Relationships
Cross Cultural Relationships
14 Experiences in a Cross-Cultural Relationship
Things to Avoid When Writing Interracial Romance
writingwithcolor: Interracial Relationships (w/ links)
Bad Romance:
Things to Keep Out of Your Healthy Relationships!
Removing the Creeps From Romance
Why The Surprise Kiss Must Go
Possessiveness 101
10 Signs You May Be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Edward & Bella Are In An Abusive Relationship
Red Flags, Verbal Abuse, Stalking… | Script Shrink
5 Huge Mistakes Ruining the Romantic Relationships in Your Book
How do you write a [bad] relationship without romanticising it? (ask)
General Tips for Writing Characters Love Interests:
How to Write from a Guy’s POV
Writing Awesome Male Characters: What You’re Doing Wrong
7 Point-of-View Basics Every Writer Should Know
How Do You Describe a Character?
4 Ways to Make Readers Instantly Loathe Your Character Descriptions
3 Signs Your Story’s Characters Are Too Perfect
Is a Quirk Just What Your Character Needs?
Six Types of Character Flaws
Is Your Character Optimistic Or Pessimistic?
5 Ways to Keep Characters Consistent
9 Simple and Powerful Ways to Write Body Language
10 Body Language Tricks for Deeper Characterization
Describing People Part Three: Gestures, Expressions, and Mannerisms
33 Ways To Write Stronger Characters
Conveying Character Emotion
Distinguishing Characters in Dialogue
How to Make Readers Love an Unlikable Character…
Characters: Likability Is Overrated
Relationships in General:
How to Create Powerful Character Combos
8 Secrets To Writing Strong Character Relationships
Character Relationships: 6 Tips for Crafting Real Connections
Writing Relationships: Hate to Love
Stereotypes, Archetypes, & Tropes:
Five Signs Your Story Is Sexist: Part 1, Part 2
Five Signs Your Story Is Sexist – Against Men
Always Female vs Always Male
Born Sexy Yesterday & Manic Pixie Dream Girl
7 (Overused) Female Love Interests
Other Resource Lists
Resources For Romance Writers
thewritershelpers FAQ (romance, kissing, sexuality, etc)
#romance | WordsnStuff
#romance | Hey, Writers!
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Body Language Cheat Sheet For Writers
╰ Facial expressions
These are your micro-signals, like the blinking neon signs of the soul. But they’re small, quick, and often lie harder than words.
Raised eyebrows — This can mean surprise or disbelief, sure. But it can also be a full-on, silent “Are you serious right now?” when someone’s being ridiculous. Or even curiosity when someone’s too emotionally repressed to askthe damn question.
Furrowed brow — That face people make when they’re doing long division in their head or trying to emotionally process a compliment. It’s thinking, yes—but also confusion, deep frustration, or quiet simmering rage.
Smiling — Can be happiness… or total fake-it-till-you-make-it energy. Some smiles are stiff. Some don’t reach the eyes. Show that.
Frowning — Sure, sadness. But also: disappointment, judgment, or the universal “I’m about to say something blunt, brace yourself.”
Lip biting — It’s not just nervousness, it’s pressure. Self-control. Anticipation. It’s the thing people do when they want to say something and decide, at the last second, not to.
╰ Eye movement
The window to the soul? Yeah. But also the window to when someone’s lying, flirting, or deeply trying not to cry in public.
Eye contact — Confidence or challenge. Eye contact can be gentle, curious, sharp like a blade. Sometimes it’s desperate: “Please understand me.”
Avoiding eye contact — Not always guilt. Sometimes it’s protectiveness. Sometimes it’s “I’m afraid if I look at you, you’ll see everything I’m trying to hide.”
Narrowed eyes — Calculating. Suspicious. The look someone gives when their brain’s saying “hmmm...” and it’s not a good hmm.
Wide eyes — Surprise, yes. But also sudden fear. The oh-God-it’s-happening look. Or when someone just found out they’re not as in control as they thought.
Eye roll — Classic. But try using it with tension, like when someone’s annoyed and trying very hard not to lose it in public.
╰ Gestures
This is where characters’ emotions go when their mouths are lying.
Crossing arms — Not just defensive. Sometimes it’s comfort. A self-hug. A barrier when the conversation is getting too personal.
Fidgeting — This is nervous energy with nowhere to go. Watch fingers tapping, rings spinning, sleeves tugged. It says: I’m not okay, but I’m trying not to show it.
Pointing — It’s a stab in the air. Aggressive, usually. But sometimes a desperate plea: Look. Understand this.
Open palms — Vulnerability. Honesty. Or a gesture that says, “I have nothing left to hide.”
Hand on chin — Not just thinking. It’s stalling. It’s delaying. It’s “I’m about to say something that might get me in trouble.”
╰ Posture and movement
These are your vibes. How someone occupies space says everything.
Slumped shoulders — Exhaustion. Defeat. Or someone trying to take up less space because they feel small.
Upright posture — Not always confidence. Sometimes it’s forced. Sometimes it’s a character trying really, really hard to look like they’re fine.
Pacing — Inner chaos externalized. Thinking so loudly it needs movement. Waiting for something. Running from your own thoughts.
Tapping foot — Tension. Irritation. Sometimes a buildup to an explosion.
Leaning in — Intimacy. Interest. Or subtle manipulation. (You matter to me. I’m listening. Let’s get closer.)
╰ Touch
This is intimacy in all its forms, comforting, protective, romantic, or invasive.
Hugging — Doesn’t always mean closeness. Could be a goodbye. Could be an apology they can’t say out loud. Could be awkward as hell.
Handshake — Stiff or crushing or slippery. How someone shakes hands says more than their words do.
Back patting — Casual warmth. Bro culture. Awkward emotional support when someone doesn’t know how to comfort but wants to try.
Clenched fists — Holding something in. Rage, tears, restraint. Fists mean tension that needs somewhere to go.
Hair tuck — Sure, flirtation or nerves. But also a subtle shield. A way to hide. A habit from childhood when someone didn’t want to be seen.
╰ Mirroring:
If two characters start syncing their body language, something is happening. Empathy. Chemistry. Shared grief. If someone shifts their body when the other does? Take notice. Other human bits that say everything without words...
Nodding — Not just yes. Could be an “I hear you,” even if they don’t agree. Could be the “keep going” nod. Could be patronizing if done too slow.
Crossed legs — Chill. Casual. Or closed-off, depending on context. Especially if their arms are crossed too.
Finger tapping — Time is ticking. Brain is pacing. Something’s coming.
Hand to chest — Sincerity, yes. But also shock. Or grounding—a subconscious attempt to stay present when everything feels like too much.
Tilting the head — Curiosity. Playfulness. Or someone listening so hard they forget to hide it.
Temple rub — “I can’t deal.” Could be physical pain. Could be stress. Could be emotional overload in disguise.
Chin stroking — Your classic “I’m judging you politely.” Often used in arguments between characters pretending to be calm.
Hands behind the back — Authority. Control. Or rigid fear masked as control.
Leaning body — This is the body betraying the brain. A tilt toward someone means they care—even if their words are cold.
Nail biting — Classic anxiety. But also habit. Something learned. Sometimes people bite because that’s how they self-soothe.
Squinting — Focusing. Doubting. Suspicion without confrontation.
Shifting weight — Uncomfortable. Unsure. Someone who wants to leave but doesn’t.
Covering the mouth — Guilt. Hesitation. The “should I say this?” moment before something big drops.
Body language is more honest than dialogue. If you really want to show your character’s internal world, don’t just give them lines. Give them a hand that won’t stop shaking. Give them a foot that won’t stop bouncing. Give them a mouth that smiles when their eyes don’t. And if you’re not sure what your character would do in a moment of fear, or love, or heartbreak, try acting it out yourself. Seriously. Get weird. Feel what your body does. Then write that down.
Reblog if you write fic and people can inbox you random-ass questions about your stories, itemized number lists be damned.
Vocabulary • Word List
Hand-to-Hand Combat
❈
⟼ assault
⟼ attack
⟼ backfist
⟼ batter
⟼ bash
⟼ beat
⟼ bite
⟼ box
⟼ break
⟼ bruise
⟼ charge
⟼ choke
⟼ clobber
⟼ clock
⟼ clout
⟼ crush
⟼ dodge
⟼ ear clap
⟼ elbow strike
⟼ eye strike
⟼ flick
⟼ grapple
⟼ hook
⟼ impact
⟼ injure
⟼ jab
⟼ jump
⟼ kick
⟼ knock
⟼ leap
⟼ lunge
⟼ maul
⟼ mug
⟼ overhand
⟼ pinch
⟼ pound
⟼ pummel
⟼ punch
⟼ push
⟼ scratch
⟼ shove
⟼ slam
⟼ slap
⟼ slug
⟼ smack
⟼ smash
⟼ spar
⟼ strike
⟼ stun
⟼ sucker punch
⟼ swat
⟼ swing
⟼ trap
⟼ trounce
⟼ uppercut
⟼ wallop
⟼ whack
⟼ whale
⟼ whop
⟼ wrestle
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